Re: NPD Nada and threats of elder abuse... ?!?!?!? WTH

May 3, 2012

I wish I had something brilliant to offer, but, in these particular

circumstances there is really very little that you CAN do. All I can suggest is

to be physically absent from the house as much as possible, keep any and all

conversation to a minimum while being more polite and more agreeable than you've

ever been in your life, and keep a written blog or diary or journal about

incidents in which your nada inflicts verbal or physical abuse on you, makes

accusations of theft by you, accusations of physical abuse/elder abuse by you,

etc. Sort of acting as your own witness. I have a bad feeling that if your

nada calls the police to report fabricated claims of elder abuse against you,

dishrag step-dad will be less than no help and will side with nada.

Even before I went completely No Contact with my nada, her growing paranoia and

delusional thinking and her history of engaging in revenge-type behaviors made

me decide that it wasn't safe for me to be alone with my nada ever again; I had

a feeling that she would take that opportunity of there being no witnesses, to

claim that I had done something horrible to her like push her or trip her, or

that I was there to steal something from her. She wasn't safe for me to be

around when I was little and helpless, and I started fearing to be alone with

her again as she entered the beginning stages of dementia (as I figure in

retrospect was happening to nada.)

It may be different for you, but living under those conditions would give me an

aneurism from pure stress-induced high blood pressure. My brain would explode.

My best wishes go out to you for a great job to turn up soon!

-Annie

>

> OK - now she has me freaked out!

>

> I may or may not have mentioned that I moved to Nada's side a year ago when

> her health was getting bad. This was a mistake to everybody I know but

> although it has been my personal year from hell I have finally learned what

> is exactly wrong with Nada and myself. All these YEARS I have been seeking

> help from alanon thinking the problem was mere alcoholism. It went FAR

> deeper than that!

>

> I am now in therapy and learning daily about what the underlying problem

> is/was and although this has been the hardest year of my life I think I am

> finally starting to heal as I understand the issues. finally!

>

> So, the issue.

>

> Nada is NUTS!! If I, or my stepdad, set a single boundary or say no in any

> way to her behavior she is threating " elder abuse " . Since I came here I do

> all the grocery shopping (and pay for it), cooking, cleaning, laundry,

> vacuuming, pet care and bathroom duty. (Nada had a heart attack and can do

> very little, stepdad is able but has been trained to be useless for the last

> 40 years). I am unemployed at the moment but am looking actively for a job

> and to move. In the meantime I am kind of stuck here.

>

> So, a couple of days ago she stopped by a store and got some pasta, some

> spices and 5 cans of honey roasted peanuts. I found said nuts, opened a can,

> ate about a handful and closed it up. Nada found the can and went OFF that I

> would open a can of peanuts without asking permission first. I have been

> discussing boundaries with T and felt this was an innocuous enough issue to

> flex a few and responded with " common Ma, its just peanuts. food! " I don't

> require that you ask permission to eat all the food I buy! " well this set

> her off huge! She refused to eat the dinner I cooked and microwaved a bowl

> of weightwatcher's soup she had purchased the ingredients for and made. Went

> off screaming that she wants ME OUT!!! And will do whatever is necessary to

> get me out and went to bed. PS, Nada has been throwing me out since I was 12

> (but sadly I have always come back for more.)

>

> When she got up this AM her sugar was off as she is diabetic too, and she

> did not eat enough to counter the insulin last night. My fault.. Big scream

> about how I screwed up her levels. Arg!

>

> Her next declaration was how she is going to inform her doctors about how

> myself and dear stepdad abuse her! How she is going to blow the whistle on

> us for elder abuse! (she is 65 btw).

>

> This one has me freaked out as she can be quite eloquent and charming when

> she wants to be. Her 26 doctors do not know Stepdad and myself and I have

> seen her be quite convincing in the face of a lie in the past. (PS. nobody

> here as ever abused her in ANY way.. she interprets " NO " as abuse!)

>

> I really don't need to be hauled off in cuffs over opening a CAN OF PEANUTS!

>

> Please note I am actively looking for a job but really cannot move out of

> here until I get one..

>

> ARGH!!!

>

> M-

>

> ,_._,___

>

May 3, 2012

Thanks Annie - I have mentioned before that my nada too is showing signs of

dementia (at 65!!!) which is prob part of the disproportional issue..

Good advice to stay away as much as possible.

I am looking at a place over the weekend with another mature woman this

weekend.

I have enough in savings to swing it but will completely deplete my nest egg

if I don't find normal job quick

Bad situation - another one Nada has caused..

Thanks again. love you although we have never met : )

M-

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of anuria67854

Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2012 8:10 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Re: NPD Nada and threats of elder abuse...

?!?!?!? WTH

I wish I had something brilliant to offer, but, in these particular

circumstances there is really very little that you CAN do. All I can suggest

is to be physically absent from the house as much as possible, keep any and

all conversation to a minimum while being more polite and more agreeable

than you've ever been in your life, and keep a written blog or diary or

journal about incidents in which your nada inflicts verbal or physical abuse

on you, makes accusations of theft by you, accusations of physical

abuse/elder abuse by you, etc. Sort of acting as your own witness. I have a

bad feeling that if your nada calls the police to report fabricated claims

of elder abuse against you, dishrag step-dad will be less than no help and

will side with nada.

Even before I went completely No Contact with my nada, her growing paranoia

and delusional thinking and her history of engaging in revenge-type

behaviors made me decide that it wasn't safe for me to be alone with my nada

ever again; I had a feeling that she would take that opportunity of there

being no witnesses, to claim that I had done something horrible to her like

push her or trip her, or that I was there to steal something from her. She

wasn't safe for me to be around when I was little and helpless, and I

started fearing to be alone with her again as she entered the beginning

stages of dementia (as I figure in retrospect was happening to nada.)

It may be different for you, but living under those conditions would give me

an aneurism from pure stress-induced high blood pressure. My brain would

explode.

My best wishes go out to you for a great job to turn up soon!

-Annie

>

> OK - now she has me freaked out!

>

> I may or may not have mentioned that I moved to Nada's side a year ago

when

> her health was getting bad. This was a mistake to everybody I know but

> although it has been my personal year from hell I have finally learned

what

> is exactly wrong with Nada and myself. All these YEARS I have been seeking

> help from alanon thinking the problem was mere alcoholism. It went FAR

> deeper than that!

>

> I am now in therapy and learning daily about what the underlying problem

> is/was and although this has been the hardest year of my life I think I am

> finally starting to heal as I understand the issues. finally!

>

> So, the issue.

>

> Nada is NUTS!! If I, or my stepdad, set a single boundary or say no in any

> way to her behavior she is threating " elder abuse " . Since I came here I do

> all the grocery shopping (and pay for it), cooking, cleaning, laundry,

> vacuuming, pet care and bathroom duty. (Nada had a heart attack and can do

> very little, stepdad is able but has been trained to be useless for the

last

> 40 years). I am unemployed at the moment but am looking actively for a job

> and to move. In the meantime I am kind of stuck here.

>

> So, a couple of days ago she stopped by a store and got some pasta, some

> spices and 5 cans of honey roasted peanuts. I found said nuts, opened a

can,

> ate about a handful and closed it up. Nada found the can and went OFF that

I

> would open a can of peanuts without asking permission first. I have been

> discussing boundaries with T and felt this was an innocuous enough issue

to

> flex a few and responded with " common Ma, its just peanuts. food! " I don't

> require that you ask permission to eat all the food I buy! " well this set

> her off huge! She refused to eat the dinner I cooked and microwaved a bowl

> of weightwatcher's soup she had purchased the ingredients for and made.

Went

> off screaming that she wants ME OUT!!! And will do whatever is necessary

to

> get me out and went to bed. PS, Nada has been throwing me out since I was

12

> (but sadly I have always come back for more.)

>

> When she got up this AM her sugar was off as she is diabetic too, and she

> did not eat enough to counter the insulin last night. My fault.. Big

scream

> about how I screwed up her levels. Arg!

>

> Her next declaration was how she is going to inform her doctors about how

> myself and dear stepdad abuse her! How she is going to blow the whistle on

> us for elder abuse! (she is 65 btw).

>

> This one has me freaked out as she can be quite eloquent and charming when

> she wants to be. Her 26 doctors do not know Stepdad and myself and I have

> seen her be quite convincing in the face of a lie in the past. (PS. nobody

> here as ever abused her in ANY way.. she interprets " NO " as abuse!)

>

> I really don't need to be hauled off in cuffs over opening a CAN OF

PEANUTS!

>

> Please note I am actively looking for a job but really cannot move out of

> here until I get one..

>

> ARGH!!!

>

> M-

>

> ,_._,___

>

May 3, 2012