Im done

[Guest guest]

a few months ago I decided that I needed a break from Nadas phone calls. She has

spent the last 3 months sending my FOG thinly veiled in being " so proud " and

" loving " and " apologizing for whatever YOU think I did. " Her last full length

letter she gave me a list of all the things she does NOT disapprove of and all

of her excuses for me.

she has made fun of my boundary quite blatantly over and over.

and I got a birthday card in the mail yesterday informing me that she is done

with not talking to me on the phone, and that she is visiting me this summer for

an " event " and gave me a list to choose from ie kids b-days, DH " graduation (he

is not graduating on the term schedule it is a PHD and there is no graduation.

Nada can't wrap her head around that one.)

I have not told her anything but that I am undergoing extensive medical

treatment right now, and need to be low stress. (which she thinks is absurd

becasue talking to her is " wonderful " )

so, I am not about to engage in conversation with her now. if she had spent the

last 3 months dropping notes of encouragement, and perhaps a real apology I

might have considered it. I would have probably settled for being mostly

ignored.

so I sent the following e-mail:

Mom. I don't want you to call on my birthday. I will let you know when I am

ready for that. This summer is also not a good time for a visit. dd and dd are

both in summer programs, and DH is not going to be able to take most of a week

off. I am doing extensive medical treatment that requires me to spend

significant time each day. My condition is a very severe case and hard to treat,

and I need to be very low stress.

http://www.pelvicpainhelpforwomen.com/pelvic_video.php

this website can explain some things about that.

Your letters are making it hard for me to want to talk to you. They are

disrespectful. The pressure you are putting on me to do things on your terms is

only hurting me. The added stress of your mocking my needs by reminding me over

and over that I am not making you happy, and that you think my current need for

peace is inappropriate is only confirming that it is not a good time for me to

talk to you.

I know I am making many choices right now that are hurtful to you. You made that

clear. Please don't bother to tell me about that any more. I don't need that

right now. What I need is support.

I tried to talk to you last summer and you dismissed me. Unless you can

demonstrate that you are willing to change the way you communicate with me, I am

going to need more time.

it is not perfect, and I could have been nicer. but I am not in the mood for

nice. This is the first time I have been assertive about these things and I just

said what I wanted to. I sent it to my dad too. less denial that way. let the

s*$% hit the fan.(again)

the hurtful choices I am referring to are me not having another baby right now,

and not trying hard enough to move to live closer to her, and DH not finding a

" good enough " job...