Re: To send a Mothers Day card or not..

May 5, 2012

,

Guilt isn't a good reason for sending a card. There is no

obligation to give cards. If you don't have any other reason to

send one, I don't think you should send one. If that causes her

to play the " victim " with your stepdad, let that be between

them. If he wants to put up with her acting that way, that's his

problem. If they send you nasty e-mail because you don't send a

card, then stop reading their e-mail. You don't have to put up

with that kind of behavior. Have your e-mail client filter their

messages to the trash if they can't stay civil. None of us

deserve to be treated poorly or to be subjected to their rages

and tirades.

I don't give cards, for Mother's Day or anything else. I do give

my nadar some inexpensive gift for Mother's Day. Last year it

was a pair of rather gaudy earrings that I bought from a vendor

at a farmer's market for $5. I told her they came from Kenya,

which was what the vendor said, and she actually said she liked

them and thanked me. This year she's getting a book I got from a

discount bookstore's going-out-of-business sale for $1.

Hopefully it will interest her. I refuse to spend any large sum

of money on gifts for her because there's no telling whether

she'll even thank me for them or not. That depends on what kind

of mood she's in.

At 02:18 PM 05/05/2012 wrote:

>I havent spoken to nada in a year, only contact now are

>(monthly) texts and email. She doesnt call, and neither do I.

>In this time I've been the recipient of nasty, hurtful

>behavior, followed by nice friendly texts and emails, followed

>by more nastiness,then niceness at which point I pointed out in

>an email that I cannot pretend like things are great, when they

>are not and I wouldn't be answering to either kind of email

>until I go an apology for X,y, and Z behavior (related to her

>actions from my wedding, the last time I spoke to her). Of

>course that didnt work, instead I became the " reason " for the

>complete breakdown she then suffered and blamed for her psych

>hospital admission. She's back on the " nice " path now, sending

>cards at Christmas, Easter..(although she continues her nasty

>tricks behind my back..maybe hoping I will catch wind and call

>her up to call her out on them..)I really want to sometimes but

>know thats exactly what shes looking for- a reaction. So she

>continues to jab, and I think, what is next..what else does she

>have?? One day Im going to snap and lose it with her and say

>screw off forever! But then the fear creeps is: I say that and

>she tries to commit suicide or something..

>

>So my struggle is: dont send a card, she gets to be the victim

>to stepdad (look how terrible my children are...poor me.) If I

>Do send a card, I do so out of guilt. She has in no shape or

>form been a " mother " this last year, and although I discovered

>her Being BP 3 years ago, this is the first year Im strongly

>contemplating NOT sending a card. It makes me angry thinking

>about even sending one. She doesnt deserve one, but I dont need

>the backlash either..email from Stepdad, or her, and explaining

>myself to people who dont know, understand, or who will

>listen.. Wishing right now Mothers Day didnt exist!

>

>M-

--

Katrina

May 5, 2012