Not Sending a Mothers Day Card

[Guest guest]

I dont want to send a mothers day card. The limited contact Ive had with my NADA

(text and email only the past year) reaffirms that we dont have a relationship,

certainly not one that I feel compelled that she deserves a card; she has been

in no shape or form been a " Mother " this last year, or several of the last years

for that matter, but this is the first year I will not be sending a card.

I wont send a card out of fear, obligation, or guilt, but.. it really sucks to

know there will be backlash (from her or Stepdad...of how terrible I am..) and

even THEN I cannot react, explain, or defend this decision. Same when I get

pregnant, hopefully soon. Will not tell her (dont need the drama), but again,

how terrible and hurtful blah blah blah I am. And then how to explain THAT to

the in-laws...no my mother doesnt know were pregnant and I dont plan on telling

her!

Anyone else feeling/experiencing these things?

M-

[Guest guest]

M,

My son is 12 and when I found out I was pregant, my husband asked me when he

could tell his folks and when would we tell mine, more specifically, my mom. My

parents were divorced from each other and remarried by then, but I remember very

vividly saying, " can we just send her a birth annoucement? " I think that pretty

much covers it. C

>

> I dont want to send a mothers day card. The limited contact Ive had with my

NADA (text and email only the past year) reaffirms that we dont have a

relationship, certainly not one that I feel compelled that she deserves a card;

she has been in no shape or form been a " Mother " this last year, or several of

the last years for that matter, but this is the first year I will not be sending

a card.

>

> I wont send a card out of fear, obligation, or guilt, but.. it really sucks to

know there will be backlash (from her or Stepdad...of how terrible I am..) and

even THEN I cannot react, explain, or defend this decision. Same when I get

pregnant, hopefully soon. Will not tell her (dont need the drama), but again,

how terrible and hurtful blah blah blah I am. And then how to explain THAT to

the in-laws...no my mother doesnt know were pregnant and I dont plan on telling

her!

> Anyone else feeling/experiencing these things?

>

> M-

>

[Guest guest]

M,

My son is 12 and when I found out I was pregant, my husband asked me when he

could tell his folks and when would we tell mine, more specifically, my mom. My

parents were divorced from each other and remarried by then, but I remember very

vividly saying, " can we just send her a birth annoucement? " I think that pretty

much covers it. C

>

> I dont want to send a mothers day card. The limited contact Ive had with my

NADA (text and email only the past year) reaffirms that we dont have a

relationship, certainly not one that I feel compelled that she deserves a card;

she has been in no shape or form been a " Mother " this last year, or several of

the last years for that matter, but this is the first year I will not be sending

a card.

>

> I wont send a card out of fear, obligation, or guilt, but.. it really sucks to

know there will be backlash (from her or Stepdad...of how terrible I am..) and

even THEN I cannot react, explain, or defend this decision. Same when I get

pregnant, hopefully soon. Will not tell her (dont need the drama), but again,

how terrible and hurtful blah blah blah I am. And then how to explain THAT to

the in-laws...no my mother doesnt know were pregnant and I dont plan on telling

her!

> Anyone else feeling/experiencing these things?

>

> M-

>

[Guest guest]

I haven't sent my stepnada a mother's day card in years.  Neither my daughter

or I have received any sort of cards from her for years, so I don't feel any

guilt about not sending her anything.  It's one thing to do something like that

to me, but to do that to my innocent daughter is another.  I wouldn't worry

about sending her anything if you don't want to.

Janet

 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Saturday, May 5, 2012 1:45 PM

Subject: Not Sending a Mothers Day Card

 

I dont want to send a mothers day card. The limited contact Ive had with my NADA

(text and email only the past year) reaffirms that we dont have a relationship,

certainly not one that I feel compelled that she deserves a card; she has been

in no shape or form been a " Mother " this last year, or several of the last years

for that matter, but this is the first year I will not be sending a card.

I wont send a card out of fear, obligation, or guilt, but.. it really sucks to

know there will be backlash (from her or Stepdad...of how terrible I am..) and

even THEN I cannot react, explain, or defend this decision. Same when I get

pregnant, hopefully soon. Will not tell her (dont need the drama), but again,

how terrible and hurtful blah blah blah I am. And then how to explain THAT to

the in-laws...no my mother doesnt know were pregnant and I dont plan on telling

her!

Anyone else feeling/experiencing these things?

M-

[Guest guest]

I haven't sent my stepnada a mother's day card in years.  Neither my daughter

or I have received any sort of cards from her for years, so I don't feel any

guilt about not sending her anything.  It's one thing to do something like that

to me, but to do that to my innocent daughter is another.  I wouldn't worry

about sending her anything if you don't want to.

Janet

 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Saturday, May 5, 2012 1:45 PM

Subject: Not Sending a Mothers Day Card

 

I dont want to send a mothers day card. The limited contact Ive had with my NADA

(text and email only the past year) reaffirms that we dont have a relationship,

certainly not one that I feel compelled that she deserves a card; she has been

in no shape or form been a " Mother " this last year, or several of the last years

for that matter, but this is the first year I will not be sending a card.

I wont send a card out of fear, obligation, or guilt, but.. it really sucks to

know there will be backlash (from her or Stepdad...of how terrible I am..) and

even THEN I cannot react, explain, or defend this decision. Same when I get

pregnant, hopefully soon. Will not tell her (dont need the drama), but again,

how terrible and hurtful blah blah blah I am. And then how to explain THAT to

the in-laws...no my mother doesnt know were pregnant and I dont plan on telling

her!

Anyone else feeling/experiencing these things?

M-

[Guest guest]

I haven't sent a mother's day or father's day or any other kind of day card for

a number of years. I did it for a long time, even just picking something almost

blank, out of obligation, not because I had any warm feelings toward my parents.

I finally decided I didn't want to do things that didn't feel genuine, so I

stopped.

My parents did not rage or shame me, but my mother did start sending messages

via channels I had told her not to use, saying how much *she* was thinking of

*me* on days that she missed getting a card. I perceived it as a

passive-aggressive way to get any kind of response from me (either rushed and

guilty well-wishes, or rage at her having broken my clear boundary about

acceptable methods to communicate).

Now I am NC altogether.

Sveta

[Guest guest]

I haven't sent a mother's day or father's day or any other kind of day card for

a number of years. I did it for a long time, even just picking something almost

blank, out of obligation, not because I had any warm feelings toward my parents.

I finally decided I didn't want to do things that didn't feel genuine, so I

stopped.

My parents did not rage or shame me, but my mother did start sending messages

via channels I had told her not to use, saying how much *she* was thinking of

*me* on days that she missed getting a card. I perceived it as a

passive-aggressive way to get any kind of response from me (either rushed and

guilty well-wishes, or rage at her having broken my clear boundary about

acceptable methods to communicate).

Now I am NC altogether.

Sveta