Guest guest Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with this head on at 50. A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 Cheryl, If you click on the " Files " tab, you will see documents, one titled " Abbreviations " , for commonly used abbreviations used in this discussion forum. This list's definition for Nada says " Used by some of the NonBP adult offspring of BPDs...to refer to their BP mother who was not-a-mother in the true sense of the word. M- > > This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with this head on at 50. > > A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? > > Thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 Cheryl, If you click on the " Files " tab, you will see documents, one titled " Abbreviations " , for commonly used abbreviations used in this discussion forum. This list's definition for Nada says " Used by some of the NonBP adult offspring of BPDs...to refer to their BP mother who was not-a-mother in the true sense of the word. M- > > This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with this head on at 50. > > A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? > > Thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 It's crazy! I've been on this site for so long I've forgotten what nada stands for.....all I know is it's your controlling, manipulative, abusive mother. I'm sure someone here can define what it stands for. Honey, relax; we all have those " dirty little secrets " that nada & fada made us keep! I started dealing with this at 50 yrs old too, so don't feel bad. It's called co-dependent......our parents trained us very well to behave and do what they say, and take verbal abuse with it. I'm 58 now. I have learned to set boundaries, not answer the phone, and not jump to their commands! Laurie In a message dated 5/5/2012 3:17:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cherylj162@... writes: This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with this head on at 50. A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 It's crazy! I've been on this site for so long I've forgotten what nada stands for.....all I know is it's your controlling, manipulative, abusive mother. I'm sure someone here can define what it stands for. Honey, relax; we all have those " dirty little secrets " that nada & fada made us keep! I started dealing with this at 50 yrs old too, so don't feel bad. It's called co-dependent......our parents trained us very well to behave and do what they say, and take verbal abuse with it. I'm 58 now. I have learned to set boundaries, not answer the phone, and not jump to their commands! Laurie In a message dated 5/5/2012 3:17:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cherylj162@... writes: This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with this head on at 50. A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 It's crazy! I've been on this site for so long I've forgotten what nada stands for.....all I know is it's your controlling, manipulative, abusive mother. I'm sure someone here can define what it stands for. Honey, relax; we all have those " dirty little secrets " that nada & fada made us keep! I started dealing with this at 50 yrs old too, so don't feel bad. It's called co-dependent......our parents trained us very well to behave and do what they say, and take verbal abuse with it. I'm 58 now. I have learned to set boundaries, not answer the phone, and not jump to their commands! Laurie In a message dated 5/5/2012 3:17:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cherylj162@... writes: This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with this head on at 50. A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 Hi, I am Twyla. It is still hard to believe that I learned what a Nada is at 55! Everything broke open last year for me! Yes, years of very good conditioning by them gets you stuck in the mode that it was always your fault. NOT!! It takes time to work through…but you will find out who you really are without the NADA/FADA tapes dictating your worth as you read and share more. Thanks for listening. From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Kotchteddy@... Sent: Saturday, May 05, 2012 05:34 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: first time here It's crazy! I've been on this site for so long I've forgotten what nada stands for.....all I know is it's your controlling, manipulative, abusive mother. I'm sure someone here can define what it stands for. Honey, relax; we all have those " dirty little secrets " that nada & fada made us keep! I started dealing with this at 50 yrs old too, so don't feel bad. It's called co-dependent......our parents trained us very well to behave and do what they say, and take verbal abuse with it. I'm 58 now. I have learned to set boundaries, not answer the phone, and not jump to their commands! Laurie In a message dated 5/5/2012 3:17:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cherylj162@... writes: This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with this head on at 50. A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 Hi, I am Twyla. It is still hard to believe that I learned what a Nada is at 55! Everything broke open last year for me! Yes, years of very good conditioning by them gets you stuck in the mode that it was always your fault. NOT!! It takes time to work through…but you will find out who you really are without the NADA/FADA tapes dictating your worth as you read and share more. Thanks for listening. From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Kotchteddy@... Sent: Saturday, May 05, 2012 05:34 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: first time here It's crazy! I've been on this site for so long I've forgotten what nada stands for.....all I know is it's your controlling, manipulative, abusive mother. I'm sure someone here can define what it stands for. Honey, relax; we all have those " dirty little secrets " that nada & fada made us keep! I started dealing with this at 50 yrs old too, so don't feel bad. It's called co-dependent......our parents trained us very well to behave and do what they say, and take verbal abuse with it. I'm 58 now. I have learned to set boundaries, not answer the phone, and not jump to their commands! Laurie In a message dated 5/5/2012 3:17:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cherylj162@... writes: This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with this head on at 50. A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 5, 2012 Report Share Posted May 5, 2012 Hi, I am Twyla. It is still hard to believe that I learned what a Nada is at 55! Everything broke open last year for me! Yes, years of very good conditioning by them gets you stuck in the mode that it was always your fault. NOT!! It takes time to work through…but you will find out who you really are without the NADA/FADA tapes dictating your worth as you read and share more. Thanks for listening. From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Kotchteddy@... Sent: Saturday, May 05, 2012 05:34 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: first time here It's crazy! I've been on this site for so long I've forgotten what nada stands for.....all I know is it's your controlling, manipulative, abusive mother. I'm sure someone here can define what it stands for. Honey, relax; we all have those " dirty little secrets " that nada & fada made us keep! I started dealing with this at 50 yrs old too, so don't feel bad. It's called co-dependent......our parents trained us very well to behave and do what they say, and take verbal abuse with it. I'm 58 now. I have learned to set boundaries, not answer the phone, and not jump to their commands! Laurie In a message dated 5/5/2012 3:17:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cherylj162@... writes: This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with this head on at 50. A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. OFKOCs unite! :-) AFB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. OFKOCs unite! :-) AFB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 I know it says in our glossary of terms something about a mother that really isn't a mother, but I have always looked at it from it meaning " nothing " in (Spanish?) some language. So I have always fewed it as meaning a woman that was a mother, but " nothing " like what a mother is truly supposed to be like. C > > It's crazy! I've been on this site for so long I've forgotten what nada > stands for.....all I know is it's your controlling, manipulative, abusive > mother. I'm sure someone here can define what it stands for. Honey, > relax; we all have those " dirty little secrets " that nada & fada made us keep! > I started dealing with this at 50 yrs old too, so don't feel bad. It's > called co-dependent......our parents trained us very well to behave and do > what they say, and take verbal abuse with it. I'm 58 now. I > have learned to set boundaries, not answer the phone, and not jump to their > commands! Laurie > > > In a message dated 5/5/2012 3:17:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > cherylj162@... writes: > > > > > This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i > thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with > this head on at 50. > > A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? > > Thanks > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 I know it says in our glossary of terms something about a mother that really isn't a mother, but I have always looked at it from it meaning " nothing " in (Spanish?) some language. So I have always fewed it as meaning a woman that was a mother, but " nothing " like what a mother is truly supposed to be like. C > > It's crazy! I've been on this site for so long I've forgotten what nada > stands for.....all I know is it's your controlling, manipulative, abusive > mother. I'm sure someone here can define what it stands for. Honey, > relax; we all have those " dirty little secrets " that nada & fada made us keep! > I started dealing with this at 50 yrs old too, so don't feel bad. It's > called co-dependent......our parents trained us very well to behave and do > what they say, and take verbal abuse with it. I'm 58 now. I > have learned to set boundaries, not answer the phone, and not jump to their > commands! Laurie > > > In a message dated 5/5/2012 3:17:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > cherylj162@... writes: > > > > > This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i > thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with > this head on at 50. > > A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? > > Thanks > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 I know it says in our glossary of terms something about a mother that really isn't a mother, but I have always looked at it from it meaning " nothing " in (Spanish?) some language. So I have always fewed it as meaning a woman that was a mother, but " nothing " like what a mother is truly supposed to be like. C > > It's crazy! I've been on this site for so long I've forgotten what nada > stands for.....all I know is it's your controlling, manipulative, abusive > mother. I'm sure someone here can define what it stands for. Honey, > relax; we all have those " dirty little secrets " that nada & fada made us keep! > I started dealing with this at 50 yrs old too, so don't feel bad. It's > called co-dependent......our parents trained us very well to behave and do > what they say, and take verbal abuse with it. I'm 58 now. I > have learned to set boundaries, not answer the phone, and not jump to their > commands! Laurie > > > In a message dated 5/5/2012 3:17:20 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, > cherylj162@... writes: > > > > > This is my first time here. Just starting to read posts. Seeing so much i > thought only happened to me. My dirty little secret. Trying to deal with > this head on at 50. > > A question in reading a post. What is a NADA? > > Thanks > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 Works for me! It was at around age 45 that I first started wondering why I always felt such anxiety and dread RE the idea of talking with or visiting my own mother, and at around 50 I started reading up about mental illnesses and discovered most of my mother's behaviors and traits grouped under the heading " borderline pd. " -Annie a fellow member of OFKOC > > Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. > > OFKOCs unite! :-) > AFB > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 Works for me! It was at around age 45 that I first started wondering why I always felt such anxiety and dread RE the idea of talking with or visiting my own mother, and at around 50 I started reading up about mental illnesses and discovered most of my mother's behaviors and traits grouped under the heading " borderline pd. " -Annie a fellow member of OFKOC > > Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. > > OFKOCs unite! :-) > AFB > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 Works for me! It was at around age 45 that I first started wondering why I always felt such anxiety and dread RE the idea of talking with or visiting my own mother, and at around 50 I started reading up about mental illnesses and discovered most of my mother's behaviors and traits grouped under the heading " borderline pd. " -Annie a fellow member of OFKOC > > Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. > > OFKOCs unite! :-) > AFB > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Amen sister!!!!!!!!! Takes a long time to figure this stuff out. Especially when other family members are not treated the same way and they continually defend the behavior. Laurie In a message dated 5/6/2012 1:05:47 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, awayfromborderland@... writes: Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. OFKOCs unite! :-) AFB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Amen sister!!!!!!!!! Takes a long time to figure this stuff out. Especially when other family members are not treated the same way and they continually defend the behavior. Laurie In a message dated 5/6/2012 1:05:47 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, awayfromborderland@... writes: Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. OFKOCs unite! :-) AFB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 Amen sister!!!!!!!!! Takes a long time to figure this stuff out. Especially when other family members are not treated the same way and they continually defend the behavior. Laurie In a message dated 5/6/2012 1:05:47 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, awayfromborderland@... writes: Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. OFKOCs unite! :-) AFB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 I'm in. Wasn't until after 50 that I well and truly figured it out. > Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. > > OFKOCs unite! :-) > AFB > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 I'm in. Wasn't until after 50 that I well and truly figured it out. > Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. > > OFKOCs unite! :-) > AFB > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 I'm in. Wasn't until after 50 that I well and truly figured it out. > Hey, I just found out I belong to a new club! The Over-50 KO Club -- OFKOC! I think that BPD/NPD is so stealthy, and society shuns any criticism of parental units so vigorously, that it takes until 50 to connect all the dots, make a lifetime of comparisons, and finally realize SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY ABNORMAL HERE. Finally at 50 we can compare a mentally-ill parent's behavior with our own over the years and realize that their words and actions have been cruel, sick and dangerous. I also think it takes a long time to find the determination to find a clinical explanation for what happened to us. The world LOVES to excuse crazy people with terms like " difficult, " high-strung, " and " sensitive " instead of the clinically mentally ill categories they really fit. > > OFKOCs unite! :-) > AFB > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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