Silence seems to be the only solution...

[Guest guest]

I am struggling really hard not to tell my husband his nada is BDP. She is a

horrible human being, I already wrote about her here, but it is my relationship

with my husband I am worried about. Everything is fine because I never say

anything but I cannot keep it to myself anymore. Last night I said I did not

want to live with his parents temporarily (he mentioned a long time ago to move

with them for a summer to save some money and work hard to make money).

My MIL's house is inhabitable. She does not mind living in that mess but she

wants me to clean it.Yes, me, she always makes references to me going to clean

it. She says it is my job. She does not do anything, sleeps all day, smokes a

lot, plays the guitar, barely eats and drinks at night. They clean the kitchen

and bathroom but there is tons of stuff everywhere. They sleep in between piles

of stuff in the couch because their bedrooms, 4 of them, are full past the open

door. THe only room that barely has any crap is my husband's ( which I think

psychologically that house represents her brain, the only one she has room for

is my husband n my father in law).

I have two sisters in law, one has severe mental issues, BDP, bipolar and eating

disorders and a transplant and my other SIL does not talk to her mom anymore

unless she seeks help. She found a million excuses not to take care of her sick

daughter and when her mom was sick never even saw her once, because of a hair

appointment. ( a three week one apparently ).

My problem is getting my husband to see how her mother is. She is selfish, my

husband tells me things when he was growing up that i cant believe but he does

not see the problem. We are supposed to go visit soon for a week and I do not

want to go, and after never being rude to his mom, ever raising my voice or even

defending myself over the things she accuses me of, my husband's answer is "

wow, why can't women get along? " . I am sorry, but I get along with my mom, my

sisters and my roommates when i was single, my friends and I do not create

drama.

I never said anything to her, never argued, I would shut up and shove it where

the sun dont't shine.

The only reason she is good to my husband is because he is going to provide for

her someday. Now that my FIL is getting older, she is treating him like crap

too. Says he is taking all her money away ( money she is getting from her father

), to give it to " his other woman " that is how she sees her own daughter. She is

jealous of her liver transplant, mentally ill daughter who she does not need to

take care of. All because my FIL is helping his own daughter out with his own

money. My FIL gave my MIL close to 100 grand to fix her teeth and she still

complains. My FIL is the sweetest man and it is disgusting how she treats him

sometimes.

My husband does not see there is a problem. Defense mechanism, i dont know, but

I do not want to go to their house because she is not normal and she lied about

me already and I am afraid to go there, I do not feel safe. I am never scared of

anything but this woman has a history. I do not want to stay in that house and a

hotel is out of the question for my husband and he says he will go by himself

but then gets angry at me if I say I don't want to go. Last trip we went less

than 48 hours before the trip i got a surgical tooth extraction I was feeling

like crap and that morning I said, I do not think I can go and he got angry at

me. It was no a tantrum I was still bleeding a little and in a lot of pain, and

I went regardless. Trust me it is not just lack of patience.

His model of women is really bad, including his ex GF that she tried to break

into my house twice. He begged me not to call the police, even after being

locked for over two hours both times. So apparently even remaining diplomatic

dealing with all the psycho women he knows, trying to calm them down so nothing

bad happens, with a smile in my face is not enough for him. I have to go to his

mother's house and let her treat me like crap and not complain.

[Guest guest]

Woh how to do you put up with this? Sounds awful.

On Sun, May 6, 2012 at 10:25 AM, maruon2wheels maruon2wheels@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> I am struggling really hard not to tell my husband his nada is BDP. She is

> a horrible human being, I already wrote about her here, but it is my

> relationship with my husband I am worried about. Everything is fine because

> I never say anything but I cannot keep it to myself anymore. Last night I

> said I did not want to live with his parents temporarily (he mentioned a

> long time ago to move with them for a summer to save some money and work

> hard to make money).

>

> My MIL's house is inhabitable. She does not mind living in that mess but

> she wants me to clean it.Yes, me, she always makes references to me going

> to clean it. She says it is my job. She does not do anything, sleeps all

> day, smokes a lot, plays the guitar, barely eats and drinks at night. They

> clean the kitchen and bathroom but there is tons of stuff everywhere. They

> sleep in between piles of stuff in the couch because their bedrooms, 4 of

> them, are full past the open door. THe only room that barely has any crap

> is my husband's ( which I think psychologically that house represents her

> brain, the only one she has room for is my husband n my father in law).

> I have two sisters in law, one has severe mental issues, BDP, bipolar and

> eating disorders and a transplant and my other SIL does not talk to her mom

> anymore unless she seeks help. She found a million excuses not to take care

> of her sick daughter and when her mom was sick never even saw her once,

> because of a hair appointment. ( a three week one apparently ).

>

>

> My problem is getting my husband to see how her mother is. She is selfish,

> my husband tells me things when he was growing up that i cant believe but

> he does not see the problem. We are supposed to go visit soon for a week

> and I do not want to go, and after never being rude to his mom, ever

> raising my voice or even defending myself over the things she accuses me

> of, my husband's answer is " wow, why can't women get along? " . I am sorry,

> but I get along with my mom, my sisters and my roommates when i was single,

> my friends and I do not create drama.

>

> I never said anything to her, never argued, I would shut up and shove it

> where the sun dont't shine.

>

> The only reason she is good to my husband is because he is going to

> provide for her someday. Now that my FIL is getting older, she is treating

> him like crap too. Says he is taking all her money away ( money she is

> getting from her father ), to give it to " his other woman " that is how she

> sees her own daughter. She is jealous of her liver transplant, mentally ill

> daughter who she does not need to take care of. All because my FIL is

> helping his own daughter out with his own money. My FIL gave my MIL close

> to 100 grand to fix her teeth and she still complains. My FIL is the

> sweetest man and it is disgusting how she treats him sometimes.

>

> My husband does not see there is a problem. Defense mechanism, i dont

> know, but I do not want to go to their house because she is not normal and

> she lied about me already and I am afraid to go there, I do not feel safe.

> I am never scared of anything but this woman has a history. I do not want

> to stay in that house and a hotel is out of the question for my husband and

> he says he will go by himself but then gets angry at me if I say I don't

> want to go. Last trip we went less than 48 hours before the trip i got a

> surgical tooth extraction I was feeling like crap and that morning I said,

> I do not think I can go and he got angry at me. It was no a tantrum I was

> still bleeding a little and in a lot of pain, and I went regardless. Trust

> me it is not just lack of patience.

>

> His model of women is really bad, including his ex GF that she tried to

> break into my house twice. He begged me not to call the police, even after

> being locked for over two hours both times. So apparently even remaining

> diplomatic dealing with all the psycho women he knows, trying to calm them

> down so nothing bad happens, with a smile in my face is not enough for him.

> I have to go to his mother's house and let her treat me like crap and not

> complain.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Woh how to do you put up with this? Sounds awful.

On Sun, May 6, 2012 at 10:25 AM, maruon2wheels maruon2wheels@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> I am struggling really hard not to tell my husband his nada is BDP. She is

> a horrible human being, I already wrote about her here, but it is my

> relationship with my husband I am worried about. Everything is fine because

> I never say anything but I cannot keep it to myself anymore. Last night I

> said I did not want to live with his parents temporarily (he mentioned a

> long time ago to move with them for a summer to save some money and work

> hard to make money).

>

> My MIL's house is inhabitable. She does not mind living in that mess but

> she wants me to clean it.Yes, me, she always makes references to me going

> to clean it. She says it is my job. She does not do anything, sleeps all

> day, smokes a lot, plays the guitar, barely eats and drinks at night. They

> clean the kitchen and bathroom but there is tons of stuff everywhere. They

> sleep in between piles of stuff in the couch because their bedrooms, 4 of

> them, are full past the open door. THe only room that barely has any crap

> is my husband's ( which I think psychologically that house represents her

> brain, the only one she has room for is my husband n my father in law).

> I have two sisters in law, one has severe mental issues, BDP, bipolar and

> eating disorders and a transplant and my other SIL does not talk to her mom

> anymore unless she seeks help. She found a million excuses not to take care

> of her sick daughter and when her mom was sick never even saw her once,

> because of a hair appointment. ( a three week one apparently ).

>

>

> My problem is getting my husband to see how her mother is. She is selfish,

> my husband tells me things when he was growing up that i cant believe but

> he does not see the problem. We are supposed to go visit soon for a week

> and I do not want to go, and after never being rude to his mom, ever

> raising my voice or even defending myself over the things she accuses me

> of, my husband's answer is " wow, why can't women get along? " . I am sorry,

> but I get along with my mom, my sisters and my roommates when i was single,

> my friends and I do not create drama.

>

> I never said anything to her, never argued, I would shut up and shove it

> where the sun dont't shine.

>

> The only reason she is good to my husband is because he is going to

> provide for her someday. Now that my FIL is getting older, she is treating

> him like crap too. Says he is taking all her money away ( money she is

> getting from her father ), to give it to " his other woman " that is how she

> sees her own daughter. She is jealous of her liver transplant, mentally ill

> daughter who she does not need to take care of. All because my FIL is

> helping his own daughter out with his own money. My FIL gave my MIL close

> to 100 grand to fix her teeth and she still complains. My FIL is the

> sweetest man and it is disgusting how she treats him sometimes.

>

> My husband does not see there is a problem. Defense mechanism, i dont

> know, but I do not want to go to their house because she is not normal and

> she lied about me already and I am afraid to go there, I do not feel safe.

> I am never scared of anything but this woman has a history. I do not want

> to stay in that house and a hotel is out of the question for my husband and

> he says he will go by himself but then gets angry at me if I say I don't

> want to go. Last trip we went less than 48 hours before the trip i got a

> surgical tooth extraction I was feeling like crap and that morning I said,

> I do not think I can go and he got angry at me. It was no a tantrum I was

> still bleeding a little and in a lot of pain, and I went regardless. Trust

> me it is not just lack of patience.

>

> His model of women is really bad, including his ex GF that she tried to

> break into my house twice. He begged me not to call the police, even after

> being locked for over two hours both times. So apparently even remaining

> diplomatic dealing with all the psycho women he knows, trying to calm them

> down so nothing bad happens, with a smile in my face is not enough for him.

> I have to go to his mother's house and let her treat me like crap and not

> complain.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Woh how to do you put up with this? Sounds awful.

On Sun, May 6, 2012 at 10:25 AM, maruon2wheels maruon2wheels@...>wrote:

> **

>

>

> I am struggling really hard not to tell my husband his nada is BDP. She is

> a horrible human being, I already wrote about her here, but it is my

> relationship with my husband I am worried about. Everything is fine because

> I never say anything but I cannot keep it to myself anymore. Last night I

> said I did not want to live with his parents temporarily (he mentioned a

> long time ago to move with them for a summer to save some money and work

> hard to make money).

>

> My MIL's house is inhabitable. She does not mind living in that mess but

> she wants me to clean it.Yes, me, she always makes references to me going

> to clean it. She says it is my job. She does not do anything, sleeps all

> day, smokes a lot, plays the guitar, barely eats and drinks at night. They

> clean the kitchen and bathroom but there is tons of stuff everywhere. They

> sleep in between piles of stuff in the couch because their bedrooms, 4 of

> them, are full past the open door. THe only room that barely has any crap

> is my husband's ( which I think psychologically that house represents her

> brain, the only one she has room for is my husband n my father in law).

> I have two sisters in law, one has severe mental issues, BDP, bipolar and

> eating disorders and a transplant and my other SIL does not talk to her mom

> anymore unless she seeks help. She found a million excuses not to take care

> of her sick daughter and when her mom was sick never even saw her once,

> because of a hair appointment. ( a three week one apparently ).

>

>

> My problem is getting my husband to see how her mother is. She is selfish,

> my husband tells me things when he was growing up that i cant believe but

> he does not see the problem. We are supposed to go visit soon for a week

> and I do not want to go, and after never being rude to his mom, ever

> raising my voice or even defending myself over the things she accuses me

> of, my husband's answer is " wow, why can't women get along? " . I am sorry,

> but I get along with my mom, my sisters and my roommates when i was single,

> my friends and I do not create drama.

>

> I never said anything to her, never argued, I would shut up and shove it

> where the sun dont't shine.

>

> The only reason she is good to my husband is because he is going to

> provide for her someday. Now that my FIL is getting older, she is treating

> him like crap too. Says he is taking all her money away ( money she is

> getting from her father ), to give it to " his other woman " that is how she

> sees her own daughter. She is jealous of her liver transplant, mentally ill

> daughter who she does not need to take care of. All because my FIL is

> helping his own daughter out with his own money. My FIL gave my MIL close

> to 100 grand to fix her teeth and she still complains. My FIL is the

> sweetest man and it is disgusting how she treats him sometimes.

>

> My husband does not see there is a problem. Defense mechanism, i dont

> know, but I do not want to go to their house because she is not normal and

> she lied about me already and I am afraid to go there, I do not feel safe.

> I am never scared of anything but this woman has a history. I do not want

> to stay in that house and a hotel is out of the question for my husband and

> he says he will go by himself but then gets angry at me if I say I don't

> want to go. Last trip we went less than 48 hours before the trip i got a

> surgical tooth extraction I was feeling like crap and that morning I said,

> I do not think I can go and he got angry at me. It was no a tantrum I was

> still bleeding a little and in a lot of pain, and I went regardless. Trust

> me it is not just lack of patience.

>

> His model of women is really bad, including his ex GF that she tried to

> break into my house twice. He begged me not to call the police, even after

> being locked for over two hours both times. So apparently even remaining

> diplomatic dealing with all the psycho women he knows, trying to calm them

> down so nothing bad happens, with a smile in my face is not enough for him.

> I have to go to his mother's house and let her treat me like crap and not

> complain.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi!

My MIL puts my husband in that spot. When we go there he is so tense, I feel bad

for him.

He is the complete opposite of his mom, he is positive and a very kind person.

He is always encouraging her to be more positive and less bitchy and

acknowledges she is selfish but those are normal bouts of rage for his mom, but

then she goes back to normal and shows her kindness by spending money on people.

( It is not kindness, it is trying to get people to go back to her, you all know

well about this )

He is a good husband and takes really good care of me, but he does not want to

spend the holidays without me and I do not regret going, i was going to be in

pain here or there and I was not going to let her say anything bad about me for

not spending the holidays with my husband. He likes to keep it drama free around

me when i go there and I really appreciate it. Our only solution is to be out

til 2 or 3 am that she goes to bed.

He is tired of listening to his mom and sisters complain and now I am too so i

understand why he does not want to talk about it. But I see that talking to him

about her, what he sees is me talking crap about his mom, like his mom does

about me, so the best thing to do is to let her do it in front of my husband.

Our only problem is talking about his mother. He cannot handle it so his answer

is always " i do not want to talk about it " . So I am not bringing it up. I see

how he can get this concept of women being drama queens because I read it here

many times,people say kids of BDP are exaggerating, it is not that bad and you

end up looking like crazy because she portrays differently in front of other

people ( my husband in this case). She has a " personality " for each person and

takes everybody on guilt trips. Especially with men, she plays victim in front

of men, she created the whole women are drama queens by pushing women's buttons

behind the family men's back and then the women go crazy in front of everybody

while my MIL cries and plays victim.

My hubby n I have not had to deal with this since she called in january to

insult me and then I told him for the first time some of the stuff she said to

me. The reason I post here is because I want to avoid a problem with my husband

when I have to go this summer for a wedding. I asked him if we were going, he

said yes, and I asked if he was planning on staying long ( the summer thing

about staying there is because he could work from home and have an extra job

over there) but he said it is out of the question because he would not ever live

with his parents again and women do not get along. I did not say anything since

he said we r not going to stay, what is the point of arguing if i get what i

want. Big relief for me because that has been lingering in the back of my mind

since he said it last year. He misses his friends and where he is from is really

beautiful, but he does not want to deal with all that drama.

I am sorry i write so much but thank you for reading

>

> > **

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>