I'm concerned but unsure about the right thing to do

May 7, 2012

I'd like to ask my fellow members here what to do about a situation I find

myself in, relating to what I think may be child abuse perpetrated by a

neighbor.

I work at home, and generally my street is very quiet. But there is this one

family that lives directly across the street from me and there is frequent

crying and screaming from the children, that I find very upsetting. The mother

is a stay at home mom, and her husband makes infrequent appearances at the home.

The oldest girl appears to be about 7, the middle girl about 5, the youngest

girl is about 3, and there is a baby boy about 10 months old (not walking alone

yet, can say mama) Over the last 3 or 4 years, I've been aware of much crying

and even screaming going on in that apartment by the children, to the point

where I started keeping a log of it, noting time of day, duration, nature of the

screaming, and which child I think it is, and whether or not the screaming is

accompanied by parental yelling.

Lately, there has been quite a lot of very distressed screaming from the baby,

so much so that his little voice even sounds hoarse.

I have never actually observed any battering; the mother keeps their curtains

drawn most of the time, but I hear the crying and yelling and screaming really

clearly, even when my own windows are closed.

I have observed one incident where the five year old and the three year old were

left outside the entry area in the care of the 7 year old, and the three year

old dashed across the street to my side of the street. I was heading downstairs

to get the child and take her back across the street when another neighbor got

to her ahead of me, and returned her to the mother (who had come outside at the

cries of the older daughter for mommy to come quick.) The mother received her

three year old into her arms, got in the toddler's face and then slapped her.

So, that's not exactly battery but it does tend to augment my suspicions that

all that screaming I hear so frequently could be due to physical abuse.

So, is it time for me to call Child Protective Services? Perhaps they are

simply very loud people. Even when they are having a get-together or a party,

or even dinner, they all talk very loudly to the point of shouting.

Maybe I need to get a security camera with sound and make recordings of what I

am hearing/seeing for a while, so that its not just hearsay on my part.

Keep in mind that as a former physically abused child, I am highly sensitive to

anything that even resembles emotional or physical child abuse and distressed

crying by children. So this could just be me over-reacting.

Any advice or opinions on this would be appreciated.

-Annie

May 7, 2012

Annie,

Better safe than sorry. You can do this anonymously but still tell them exactly

why you are calling and what you're hearing.

We have friends (they're daughter's friends, really) and I am desperately

wishing someone would intervene because the three-year-old is so out-of-control

that she physically abuses the nine-month-old, hitting him, punching him,

slapping him, AND the mother, and she is doing things like pooping on the floor.

If one of their neighbors heard the screaming coming out of that apartment that

DD hears when she's on the phone and called DCF, OR if the hospital reported

them when the older child made one of her many trips to the ER for her many

falls - they say she is always playing rough and trips ??? - then the entire

family would get the help they need.

Oh - and the father is a PSYD. HA! In child psychology. Geesh.

We can't do this because we would need to tell them things and the parents would

then know it was us. But a stranger or preschool teacher or neighbor could.

My point is, I would report.

> I'd like to ask my fellow members here what to do about a situation I find

myself in, relating to what I think may be child abuse perpetrated by a

neighbor.

>

> I work at home, and generally my street is very quiet. But there is this one

family that lives directly across the street from me and there is frequent

crying and screaming from the children, that I find very upsetting. The mother

is a stay at home mom, and her husband makes infrequent appearances at the home.

>

> The oldest girl appears to be about 7, the middle girl about 5, the youngest

girl is about 3, and there is a baby boy about 10 months old (not walking alone

yet, can say mama) Over the last 3 or 4 years, I've been aware of much crying

and even screaming going on in that apartment by the children, to the point

where I started keeping a log of it, noting time of day, duration, nature of the

screaming, and which child I think it is, and whether or not the screaming is

accompanied by parental yelling.

>

> Lately, there has been quite a lot of very distressed screaming from the baby,

so much so that his little voice even sounds hoarse.

>

> I have never actually observed any battering; the mother keeps their curtains

drawn most of the time, but I hear the crying and yelling and screaming really

clearly, even when my own windows are closed.

>

> I have observed one incident where the five year old and the three year old

were left outside the entry area in the care of the 7 year old, and the three

year old dashed across the street to my side of the street. I was heading

downstairs to get the child and take her back across the street when another

neighbor got to her ahead of me, and returned her to the mother (who had come

outside at the cries of the older daughter for mommy to come quick.) The mother

received her three year old into her arms, got in the toddler's face and then

slapped her. So, that's not exactly battery but it does tend to augment my

suspicions that all that screaming I hear so frequently could be due to physical

abuse.

>

> So, is it time for me to call Child Protective Services? Perhaps they are

simply very loud people. Even when they are having a get-together or a party, or

even dinner, they all talk very loudly to the point of shouting.

>

> Maybe I need to get a security camera with sound and make recordings of what I

am hearing/seeing for a while, so that its not just hearsay on my part.

>

> Keep in mind that as a former physically abused child, I am highly sensitive

to anything that even resembles emotional or physical child abuse and distressed

crying by children. So this could just be me over-reacting.

>

> Any advice or opinions on this would be appreciated.

>

> -Annie

>

May 7, 2012

Call CPS. Tell them what you saw, especially the slapping and the baby

screaming. Kids screaming can be passed off as " kids are noisy " , but a baby

that screams nonstop is clearly distressed and needs attention. CPS will

pay attention to that.

And yes, you can report for slapping. When I was being trained as a

teacher, the rule of thumb we were given is: If it leaves a mark, it's

reportable. That, unfortunately, leaves out the whole huge area of

emotional/verbal/psychological abuse, but it's a starting point.

I don't know what state you're in or what the laws are but I think you can

usually make an anonymous report if you are concerned about your neighbor

taking revenge.

In any case, best that you take action to notify someone now, rather than

later when one of the kids is seriously injured or if the baby gets very

sick from neglect. Remember that a call to CPS in no way causes the family

to be immediately broken up (for better or for worse) -- all it does is

cause CPS to send out a person with the legal power to investigate,

determine if there is abuse, and then recommend further action. That

determination should be left up to the folks at CPS who are better at

figuring out how much danger the kids may be in and what the best way to

reduce the danger and harm to them may be, depending on what services and

programs your state offers.

But really, this is definitely a " better safe than sorry " circumstance.

Say something. Get it on record. Sometimes a visit from CPS can shake up

a parent who's on the edge and get them to seek help before they do

something they themselves may deeply regret -- or at least it might make

them aware that they are being watched by people who will take action if

they go too far. That can be useful in getting them to tone it down....or

at least hide it better (sigh).

-- Jen H.

On Mon, May 7, 2012 at 1:23 PM, anuria67854 anuria-67854@...>wrote:

> **

>

> I'd like to ask my fellow members here what to do about a situation I find

> myself in, relating to what I think may be child abuse perpetrated by a

> neighbor.

>

> I work at home, and generally my street is very quiet. But there is this

> one family that lives directly across the street from me and there is

> frequent crying and screaming from the children, that I find very

> upsetting. The mother is a stay at home mom, and her husband makes

> infrequent appearances at the home.

>

> The oldest girl appears to be about 7, the middle girl about 5, the

> youngest girl is about 3, and there is a baby boy about 10 months old (not

> walking alone yet, can say mama) Over the last 3 or 4 years, I've been

> aware of much crying and even screaming going on in that apartment by the

> children, to the point where I started keeping a log of it, noting time of

> day, duration, nature of the screaming, and which child I think it is, and

> whether or not the screaming is accompanied by parental yelling.

>

> Lately, there has been quite a lot of very distressed screaming from the

> baby, so much so that his little voice even sounds hoarse.

>

> I have never actually observed any battering; the mother keeps their

> curtains drawn most of the time, but I hear the crying and yelling and

> screaming really clearly, even when my own windows are closed.

>

> I have observed one incident where the five year old and the three year

> old were left outside the entry area in the care of the 7 year old, and the

> three year old dashed across the street to my side of the street. I was

> heading downstairs to get the child and take her back across the street

> when another neighbor got to her ahead of me, and returned her to the

> mother (who had come outside at the cries of the older daughter for mommy

> to come quick.) The mother received her three year old into her arms, got

> in the toddler's face and then slapped her. So, that's not exactly battery

> but it does tend to augment my suspicions that all that screaming I hear so

> frequently could be due to physical abuse.

>

> So, is it time for me to call Child Protective Services? Perhaps they are

> simply very loud people. Even when they are having a get-together or a

> party, or even dinner, they all talk very loudly to the point of shouting.

>

> Maybe I need to get a security camera with sound and make recordings of

> what I am hearing/seeing for a while, so that its not just hearsay on my

> part.

>

> Keep in mind that as a former physically abused child, I am highly

> sensitive to anything that even resembles emotional or physical child abuse

> and distressed crying by children. So this could just be me over-reacting.

>

> Any advice or opinions on this would be appreciated.

>

> -Annie

>

May 7, 2012

I would report. It's better to be safe than sorry, and you can do it

anonymously. The log that you are keeping is good. My goodness, if a baby

can get hoarse from crying, that is not good! If you are able to record

some of these instances, that might also help the CPS investigations.

Really, having the curtains drawn most of the time seems to tell me that

the mother knows that her actions aren't good.

I would definitely report.

On Mon, May 7, 2012 at 12:23 PM, anuria67854 anuria-67854@...>wrote: