Not sure where else to turn.

May 7, 2012

Hi all,

I have a question on co-dependency.

My MIL is extremely co-dependent. She has a very co-dependent relationship with

her daughter. My SIL is 32 years old, lives with my MIL and doesn't do anything

without her. The relationship has kept my SIL from moving out and having a life

of her own. My MIL is also a master of guilt trips and is extremely

passive-aggressive. I am worried that my MIL is starting to become co-dependent

when it comes to my daughter and is in a way conditioning her for it. My

daughter is 3 years old and has always been very confident and tries to be as

independent as a 3 year old can be. Recently, whenever she has come home from

visiting my MIL she says things are scary or will just randomly say she's scared

for no reason. She also has been saying she can't do things when before she has

always had a " can do " attitude that my husband and I encouraged. She also gets

very clingy with my MIL when she is around her. She acts very reserved, passive

and shy when she is normally very social and outgoing. When other relatives that

my daughter is also close to come around when my MIL is present she acts like

she is afraid of them. When it's time to go home she doesn't want to leave and

throws a screaming, crying fit and says she wants Granny. I know she plays and

has fun at her house but she also has 2 other sets of grandparents that she is

close to and has fun with and doesn't behave this way around them. When she

visits her other Grandparents she acts like the strong-willed, confident kid

that I recognize and when it's time to leave she happily hugs them and we go.

Is my MIL conditioning my daughter for the co-dependent relationship that she

has created with her own children? Is that even possible or am I being paranoid?

I went NC with my nada a couple of years ago and I know I have the tendency to

over-analyze peoples behaviors at times. I just know my daughter acts

differently around my MIL and she acts differently around other people when she

is with my MIL. I know she is only 3 years old, and I probably wouldn't be so

worried if it weren't for the relationship my MIL has with her own daughter. Am

I reading to much into this or does it sound like there is reason for concern?

Thanks for any advice! I know this group is about BPD parents, but I feel like

we all know and some of us may even be experts when it comes to co-dependency

and I couldn't find a whole lot on this specific scenario any where else.

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