Exhuasted and Lost

May 8, 2012

I recently started seeing a councellor in January after being on a wait list for

18 months....Anyways I went because I am fed up with my mother, her actions, and

rages and so on! Anyways after seeing my cousellor for only a few sessons she

told me about a book, Stop walking on egg shells....I could't put it down. I

knew from a very young age there was something wrong with her and I couldn't

figure it out. After reading the book I'm 200% sure this is what's going on. I

recently got into a car accident after she called and yelled and raged about

nothing, but it was enough to fog-up my mind, leave me emotionally messed up. I

phoned and told her enough was enough and I needed a break from phone calls and

texts. So far she was actually complied but with mothers day coming up, I'm

torn! It's hard to explain to people why I am not speaking with her, nor to I

actually care to speak with her.Everyone is telling me that I 'can't' not talk

to her this weekend, however I am finished with our relationship until she

agrees to help with is probably never....Not sure where to go from here!

May 9, 2012

Hi Cindy,

I understand what an epiphany/eye-opener it is to finally read about borderline

pd; I felt just like you described when I first read " Stop Walking On

Eggshells " , like so many puzzle pieces suddenly fell into place.

Special occasions like birthdays or Mother's Day or holidays can be particularly

difficult when we are just coming to grips with the emotional damage we

received from our mentally ill parents, and are trying to set reasonable adult

boundaries for ourselves in order to gain some emotional distance from our

overbearing pd parents. Its not easy to break free from a lifetime's worth of

enmeshment with them or domination by them, or break free from inappropriate

feelings of responsibility for them and their feelings.

My suggestion is to share your feelings about this process with your therapist

and with your fellow Adult Kids Of BPD Parents, ( " KOs " ) rather than with friends

and acquaintances who had relatively mentally healthy parents and relatively

non-traumatic childhoods, because their lack of understanding will feel

invalidating to you. Its true that most people didn't have mentally ill

parents, so they can't comprehend that some of us were actually harmed and

traumatized by our parents and need to heal from the damage.

So, I suggest that you do whatever will make you feel the least stressed. If

you feel its best for you to remain in total No Contact, then that's OK. If you

believe it would make you feel better to send a card, or an e-mail or something,

then, that's OK. There isn't any " should " or " ought to " , this is about what

will give YOU peace and healing.

As Doug says, be gentle with yourself, and may we all heal.

-Annie

>

> I recently started seeing a councellor in January after being on a wait list

for 18 months....Anyways I went because I am fed up with my mother, her actions,

and rages and so on! Anyways after seeing my cousellor for only a few sessons

she told me about a book, Stop walking on egg shells....I could't put it down. I