Guest guest Posted May 12, 2012 Report Share Posted May 12, 2012 No, not the movie -- but I just thought of this. I don’t have a “pet name” or term of endearment for my wife – I never really have for anyone. Not my first wife, not my daughters from my first marriage, not the kids from this marriage. I have tried, but it always felt odd/wrong. Especially saying it out loud – I could write it down on notes/cards, on those I do call my wife “My Baby” – but that’s it. When we would talk I would not call her “Dear” or anything even simple like that, it was always by name. Not that I don’t think tenderly of her, or my daughters, but it just felt wrong. So I never really tried to think about *why* -- and the only think that I can think of is that *my* mom used terms like that for me all of the time, but for the life of me I can’t think of *any* them right now – like a real mental block. I know that my dad called my sister “Princess” – but I don’t think that he ever had any names like that for me, but it *feels* like my mom had lots of them for me. I guess that one way it resolved itself in my head that my mom truly cared more about herself than about me was to discount those terms of endearment and make me feel like they were/are fake, and thus it’s hard for me to use them without somewhere inside of me feeling wrong. Make sense? Ring a bell? --Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 2012 Report Share Posted May 12, 2012 I haven't been in the habit of using pet names for loved ones, either, although my dad would occasionally use the term " Hun' " for any of us (short for " Honey. " ) I'm having a hard time just now recalling if nada used endearments, but overall... I don't think so. She flung ugly names like " Ingrate " or " Stupid " or " Liar " at Sister and me to degrade and mock us when she was angry at us, but I don't recall endearing names used to show affection. She may have, and perhaps I am just blocking the memory right now. Now that I think about it I never had any hesitation about using endearing terms toward my little cats; they were like my substitute children and it felt natural to me to call them " sweetie " or " baby " or things like that. Funny how that felt so natural with my pet animals but feels strained or forced when directed at other people. I never dated much, and I don't remember using endearing pet names when speaking with my boyfriends, either. -Annie > > No, not the movie -- but I just thought of this. > > I don't have a " pet name " or term of endearment for my wife – I never > really have for anyone. Not my first wife, not my daughters from my first > marriage, not the kids from this marriage. I have tried, but it always > felt odd/wrong. Especially saying it out loud – I could write it down on > notes/cards, on those I do call my wife " My Baby " – but that's it. When we > would talk I would not call her " Dear " or anything even simple like that, > it was always by name. Not that I don't think tenderly of her, or my > daughters, but it just felt wrong. > > So I never really tried to think about *why* -- and the only think that I > can think of is that *my* mom used terms like that for me all of the time, > but for the life of me I can't think of *any* them right now – like a real > mental block. I know that my dad called my sister " Princess " – but I don't > think that he ever had any names like that for me, but it *feels* like my > mom had lots of them for me. > > I guess that one way it resolved itself in my head that my mom truly cared > more about herself than about me was to discount those terms of endearment > and make me feel like they were/are fake, and thus it's hard for me to use > them without somewhere inside of me feeling wrong. > > Make sense? Ring a bell? > > --Dana > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 2012 Report Share Posted May 12, 2012 I haven't been in the habit of using pet names for loved ones, either, although my dad would occasionally use the term " Hun' " for any of us (short for " Honey. " ) I'm having a hard time just now recalling if nada used endearments, but overall... I don't think so. She flung ugly names like " Ingrate " or " Stupid " or " Liar " at Sister and me to degrade and mock us when she was angry at us, but I don't recall endearing names used to show affection. She may have, and perhaps I am just blocking the memory right now. Now that I think about it I never had any hesitation about using endearing terms toward my little cats; they were like my substitute children and it felt natural to me to call them " sweetie " or " baby " or things like that. Funny how that felt so natural with my pet animals but feels strained or forced when directed at other people. I never dated much, and I don't remember using endearing pet names when speaking with my boyfriends, either. -Annie > > No, not the movie -- but I just thought of this. > > I don't have a " pet name " or term of endearment for my wife – I never > really have for anyone. Not my first wife, not my daughters from my first > marriage, not the kids from this marriage. I have tried, but it always > felt odd/wrong. Especially saying it out loud – I could write it down on > notes/cards, on those I do call my wife " My Baby " – but that's it. When we > would talk I would not call her " Dear " or anything even simple like that, > it was always by name. Not that I don't think tenderly of her, or my > daughters, but it just felt wrong. > > So I never really tried to think about *why* -- and the only think that I > can think of is that *my* mom used terms like that for me all of the time, > but for the life of me I can't think of *any* them right now – like a real > mental block. I know that my dad called my sister " Princess " – but I don't > think that he ever had any names like that for me, but it *feels* like my > mom had lots of them for me. > > I guess that one way it resolved itself in my head that my mom truly cared > more about herself than about me was to discount those terms of endearment > and make me feel like they were/are fake, and thus it's hard for me to use > them without somewhere inside of me feeling wrong. > > Make sense? Ring a bell? > > --Dana > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 2012 Report Share Posted May 12, 2012 I haven't been in the habit of using pet names for loved ones, either, although my dad would occasionally use the term " Hun' " for any of us (short for " Honey. " ) I'm having a hard time just now recalling if nada used endearments, but overall... I don't think so. She flung ugly names like " Ingrate " or " Stupid " or " Liar " at Sister and me to degrade and mock us when she was angry at us, but I don't recall endearing names used to show affection. She may have, and perhaps I am just blocking the memory right now. Now that I think about it I never had any hesitation about using endearing terms toward my little cats; they were like my substitute children and it felt natural to me to call them " sweetie " or " baby " or things like that. Funny how that felt so natural with my pet animals but feels strained or forced when directed at other people. I never dated much, and I don't remember using endearing pet names when speaking with my boyfriends, either. -Annie > > No, not the movie -- but I just thought of this. > > I don't have a " pet name " or term of endearment for my wife – I never > really have for anyone. Not my first wife, not my daughters from my first > marriage, not the kids from this marriage. I have tried, but it always > felt odd/wrong. Especially saying it out loud – I could write it down on > notes/cards, on those I do call my wife " My Baby " – but that's it. When we > would talk I would not call her " Dear " or anything even simple like that, > it was always by name. Not that I don't think tenderly of her, or my > daughters, but it just felt wrong. > > So I never really tried to think about *why* -- and the only think that I > can think of is that *my* mom used terms like that for me all of the time, > but for the life of me I can't think of *any* them right now – like a real > mental block. I know that my dad called my sister " Princess " – but I don't > think that he ever had any names like that for me, but it *feels* like my > mom had lots of them for me. > > I guess that one way it resolved itself in my head that my mom truly cared > more about herself than about me was to discount those terms of endearment > and make me feel like they were/are fake, and thus it's hard for me to use > them without somewhere inside of me feeling wrong. > > Make sense? Ring a bell? > > --Dana > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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