NC Nada calling on Mother's day

[Guest guest]

I made it until about 5pm today (mother's day) without any contact from my

nada, who I am NC with. Then she starts calling my partner's phone and we

didn't answer. Then we got home and my stepdad started calling our home

phone. We didn't answer.

I feel so horrible inside, I can't explain it. She makes me feel icky and

sad just from a call, that I didn't even answer. I guess she thinks the NC

rule doesn't apply on mother's day. I hate the idea of my stepdad calling

and getting involved. I just want her out of my life for a few years, like

my dad was, so I can process it and find ways to deal with her that don't

hurt me. I'm glad I have this group and that some people understand why you

wouldn't want to see your mother on mother's day. I wish I lived in another

country, it would make it easier to cope I think. She does not understand

how much she fucked up me and my brother. My brother doesn't think he's

fucked up, because he doesn't get depressed like me, he just gets angry and

happily steps into the role of protector that my nada carved out for him

(and also me).

I have no positive mother figure in my life and I wish I did. My partner's

mother is nice but she's not very affectionate or close with her children.

My thoughts go out to all the KO's out there, dealing with your nadas today.

[Guest guest]

Sorry that you feel this way.  I am doing the same backing away from Nada for

indefinite period of time.  My Nada puts me in a bad mood and causes me

problems so I am walking away.  I never stand up for myself this time I am

standing up.  Do not let anyone tell you how to feel or act, you know how you

feel and you know the problems she causes you.  Take the time you need to heal.

 That is what I am doing healing from the pain. It is worse on mothers day.  

Subject: NC Nada calling on Mother's day

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, May 13, 2012, 4:46 AM

 

I made it until about 5pm today (mother's day) without any contact from my

nada, who I am NC with. Then she starts calling my partner's phone and we

didn't answer. Then we got home and my stepdad started calling our home

phone. We didn't answer.

I feel so horrible inside, I can't explain it. She makes me feel icky and

sad just from a call, that I didn't even answer. I guess she thinks the NC

rule doesn't apply on mother's day. I hate the idea of my stepdad calling

and getting involved. I just want her out of my life for a few years, like

my dad was, so I can process it and find ways to deal with her that don't

hurt me. I'm glad I have this group and that some people understand why you

wouldn't want to see your mother on mother's day. I wish I lived in another

country, it would make it easier to cope I think. She does not understand

how much she fucked up me and my brother. My brother doesn't think he's

fucked up, because he doesn't get depressed like me, he just gets angry and

happily steps into the role of protector that my nada carved out for him

(and also me).

I have no positive mother figure in my life and I wish I did. My partner's

mother is nice but she's not very affectionate or close with her children.

My thoughts go out to all the KO's out there, dealing with your nadas today.

[Guest guest]

Sorry that you feel this way.  I am doing the same backing away from Nada for

indefinite period of time.  My Nada puts me in a bad mood and causes me

problems so I am walking away.  I never stand up for myself this time I am

standing up.  Do not let anyone tell you how to feel or act, you know how you

feel and you know the problems she causes you.  Take the time you need to heal.

 That is what I am doing healing from the pain. It is worse on mothers day.  

Subject: NC Nada calling on Mother's day

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, May 13, 2012, 4:46 AM

 

I made it until about 5pm today (mother's day) without any contact from my

nada, who I am NC with. Then she starts calling my partner's phone and we

didn't answer. Then we got home and my stepdad started calling our home

phone. We didn't answer.

I feel so horrible inside, I can't explain it. She makes me feel icky and

sad just from a call, that I didn't even answer. I guess she thinks the NC

rule doesn't apply on mother's day. I hate the idea of my stepdad calling

and getting involved. I just want her out of my life for a few years, like

my dad was, so I can process it and find ways to deal with her that don't

hurt me. I'm glad I have this group and that some people understand why you

wouldn't want to see your mother on mother's day. I wish I lived in another

country, it would make it easier to cope I think. She does not understand

how much she fucked up me and my brother. My brother doesn't think he's

fucked up, because he doesn't get depressed like me, he just gets angry and

happily steps into the role of protector that my nada carved out for him

(and also me).

I have no positive mother figure in my life and I wish I did. My partner's

mother is nice but she's not very affectionate or close with her children.

My thoughts go out to all the KO's out there, dealing with your nadas today.

[Guest guest]

Sorry that you feel this way.  I am doing the same backing away from Nada for

indefinite period of time.  My Nada puts me in a bad mood and causes me

problems so I am walking away.  I never stand up for myself this time I am

standing up.  Do not let anyone tell you how to feel or act, you know how you

feel and you know the problems she causes you.  Take the time you need to heal.

 That is what I am doing healing from the pain. It is worse on mothers day.  

Subject: NC Nada calling on Mother's day

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, May 13, 2012, 4:46 AM

 

I made it until about 5pm today (mother's day) without any contact from my

nada, who I am NC with. Then she starts calling my partner's phone and we

didn't answer. Then we got home and my stepdad started calling our home

phone. We didn't answer.

I feel so horrible inside, I can't explain it. She makes me feel icky and

sad just from a call, that I didn't even answer. I guess she thinks the NC

rule doesn't apply on mother's day. I hate the idea of my stepdad calling

and getting involved. I just want her out of my life for a few years, like

my dad was, so I can process it and find ways to deal with her that don't

hurt me. I'm glad I have this group and that some people understand why you

wouldn't want to see your mother on mother's day. I wish I lived in another

country, it would make it easier to cope I think. She does not understand

how much she fucked up me and my brother. My brother doesn't think he's

fucked up, because he doesn't get depressed like me, he just gets angry and

happily steps into the role of protector that my nada carved out for him

(and also me).

I have no positive mother figure in my life and I wish I did. My partner's

mother is nice but she's not very affectionate or close with her children.

My thoughts go out to all the KO's out there, dealing with your nadas today.

[Guest guest]

Its sad that we KOs are sometimes put in the position of having to go No Contact

with our abusive families of origin in order to protect our own emotional and

physical health and/or that of our own spouse or children. This was my first

Mother's Day after my nada died, just before Christmas. This is the year of

first anniversaries for my Sister and me; Christmas, nada's birthday, and now

Mother's Day have passed without our nada (our dad passed away over 15 years

ago, now.) I have to admit that mostly what I feel as each of these anniversary

dates pass is great peace and relief, much more so than in the previous years

when I was in No Contact with her.

So, I guess all I'm saying is that it does get better; time is a great healer

when you are not constantly exposed to stress and receiving fresh trauma from an

abusive, mentally ill parent. My nada was a very unhappy person, and now she

isn't unhappy any more; that comforts me.

-Annie

>

> My nada did this to me before.

>

> I decided one year I was done sending cards and making calls that didn't feel

genuine. I didn't want to wish her a happy m-day, so I didn't.

>

> When most of the day had already passed without hearing from me, she wrote me

how SHE was thinking of ME. It wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't already

discussed that I did not want her emailing me at ALL.

>

> I feel like she was just needing any reaction at all from me...either belated

and guilty return of sentiment, or angry scolding at having busted through yet

another boundary.

>

> They called you because your mother doesn't know how to soothe herself and

wants to be reassured that she is a good mother. I know how sickening that

feels. I finally blocked my FOO from sending me any email, and now that I am

full-out NC their phone numbers, too.

>

> Sveta

>

[Guest guest]

Its sad that we KOs are sometimes put in the position of having to go No Contact

with our abusive families of origin in order to protect our own emotional and

physical health and/or that of our own spouse or children. This was my first

Mother's Day after my nada died, just before Christmas. This is the year of

first anniversaries for my Sister and me; Christmas, nada's birthday, and now

Mother's Day have passed without our nada (our dad passed away over 15 years

ago, now.) I have to admit that mostly what I feel as each of these anniversary

dates pass is great peace and relief, much more so than in the previous years

when I was in No Contact with her.

So, I guess all I'm saying is that it does get better; time is a great healer

when you are not constantly exposed to stress and receiving fresh trauma from an

abusive, mentally ill parent. My nada was a very unhappy person, and now she

isn't unhappy any more; that comforts me.

-Annie

>

> My nada did this to me before.

>

> I decided one year I was done sending cards and making calls that didn't feel

genuine. I didn't want to wish her a happy m-day, so I didn't.

>

> When most of the day had already passed without hearing from me, she wrote me

how SHE was thinking of ME. It wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't already

discussed that I did not want her emailing me at ALL.

>

> I feel like she was just needing any reaction at all from me...either belated

and guilty return of sentiment, or angry scolding at having busted through yet

another boundary.

>

> They called you because your mother doesn't know how to soothe herself and

wants to be reassured that she is a good mother. I know how sickening that

feels. I finally blocked my FOO from sending me any email, and now that I am

full-out NC their phone numbers, too.

>

> Sveta

>

[Guest guest]

 To save you some time, I'd recommend  you  read  Surviving the Borderline

Parent first . The author  does an excellent job of  synthesizing 

pertinent points also  made in SWOE and  in UTBM and  gives pointers on coping

and setting new objectives in one's own life given the damage a BPD parent can

do.

[Guest guest]

 To save you some time, I'd recommend  you  read  Surviving the Borderline

Parent first . The author  does an excellent job of  synthesizing 

pertinent points also  made in SWOE and  in UTBM and  gives pointers on coping

and setting new objectives in one's own life given the damage a BPD parent can

do.