Guest guest Posted May 14, 2012 Report Share Posted May 14, 2012 I am still a new KO.. only a few months. I read and read and I get it that Nada has NPD with some serious BPD and OCPD mixed in, I GET IT!! Somehow though I am having a hard time day to day. Some days I am strong and can detach. Many days I still think that if I am good enough, care enough, smile enough she will finally love me as a " Mom " should. I am supposed to me mourning my lost mother (per the books I am reading) and many days I can but she seems to still be able to twist me into knots with just a look other days. I moved here (250 miles) to care for her when she got ill (giving up my life, friends, independence, job and life) all in the name of wanting my mommy to finally love me. I found out about BPD, NPD etc since I came and am making *some* progress but she still rocks my shit pretty easily. She gets herself sicker pretty often with self abuse and feeling the effects of stress that just isn't even close to reality and I still feel bad and want to hover over and *help*. Is there something wrong with me? Am I thick? Dense? Argggg. I don't get it! I suffer from some pretty serious anxiety from all the crap and neglect of my childhood but I still seem to want to sign up for more!!! Rant, rant , rant.. I feel beyond help (recovery). I am a loser that am desperately seeking my mean mommy's approval. Sad M- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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