Guest guest Posted May 11, 2012 Report Share Posted May 11, 2012 My therapist recommended the walking on eggshells book to me today after I told her a story about my mom (nada?) The book has been eye opening for me. It is helping me define the confusing behavior I witnessed though out my 40 years! I have also seen the abbreviation no hear, what does that mean? I cut my mom off for three months last fall after an awful expisode. When I reconnected with her before the holidays I did it with major boundaries. I am so proud that I did the right thing before I even had a name or diagnosis for her! I still have a lot to read, but was wondering if there are common characteristics we share when we are raised my mothers like this? My mom is a high functioning bpd, and between me and my other two siblings I definitely get the worst of her. I am the oldest and was the most codependant until recently, any ideas why? Is this common? Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Hi Amy, Perhaps you mean the abbreviation " NC " ? That stands for " No Contact " . Sometimes we adult kids of bpd parents " go No Contact " with our bpd parent temporarily or even permanently in order to protect ourselves from further abuse. That's wonderful that you were able to establish some boundaries with your bpd mother and enforce them, its not easy! Brava! As to the kinds of damage the children of a bpd mother or father can receive, it can vary. Some of the damage depends on whether you as a child were considered bpd mom's wonderful, perfect, all-good " Golden Child " , or were split " bad " and became her no-good, despised " scapegoat " or " dung " child, or if you were the ignored, " Invisible " child. And some of us got assigned all these roles at different times. These roles have literally nothing to do with who you really are as an individual, unique human being; these are bpd mom's own internal feelings about herself, projected onto you like you are a movie screen or a marionette, playing out her own private movie script. Its *very* dysfunctional to not be able to comprehend that your child is a separate, individual, unique person and instead to *assign* a role/personality/identity to your child(ren). I suggest that you also read " Understanding The Borderline Mother " because it goes into the sub-types of borderline pd behavior: the Witch, the Queen, the Waif, and the Hermit and includes the kinds of damage each sub-type will inflict on her children, and it even describes the kind of man each sub-type tends to marry. For me this book was not an easy read because of its deep emotional impact. I cried a lot when I was reading this book, but I did manage to read all of it in very small chunks over a long period of time, and it was both enlightening and cathartic for me. My bpd mother ( " nada " , for " not a mom " ) was mostly a Queen and a Witch when Sister and I were growing up, but as she aged our nada switched to being more Waify instead of Witchy. -Annie > > My therapist recommended the walking on eggshells book to me today after I told her a story about my mom (nada?) The book has been eye opening for me. It is helping me define the confusing behavior I witnessed though out my 40 years! I have also seen the abbreviation no hear, what does that mean? I cut my mom off for three months last fall after an awful expisode. When I reconnected with her before the holidays I did it with major boundaries. I am so proud that I did the right thing before I even had a name or diagnosis for her! I still have a lot to read, but was wondering if there are common characteristics we share when we are raised my mothers like this? My mom is a high functioning bpd, and between me and my other two siblings I definitely get the worst of her. I am the oldest and was the most codependant until recently, any ideas why? Is this common? Thanks. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Hi Amy, Perhaps you mean the abbreviation " NC " ? That stands for " No Contact " . Sometimes we adult kids of bpd parents " go No Contact " with our bpd parent temporarily or even permanently in order to protect ourselves from further abuse. That's wonderful that you were able to establish some boundaries with your bpd mother and enforce them, its not easy! Brava! As to the kinds of damage the children of a bpd mother or father can receive, it can vary. Some of the damage depends on whether you as a child were considered bpd mom's wonderful, perfect, all-good " Golden Child " , or were split " bad " and became her no-good, despised " scapegoat " or " dung " child, or if you were the ignored, " Invisible " child. And some of us got assigned all these roles at different times. These roles have literally nothing to do with who you really are as an individual, unique human being; these are bpd mom's own internal feelings about herself, projected onto you like you are a movie screen or a marionette, playing out her own private movie script. Its *very* dysfunctional to not be able to comprehend that your child is a separate, individual, unique person and instead to *assign* a role/personality/identity to your child(ren). I suggest that you also read " Understanding The Borderline Mother " because it goes into the sub-types of borderline pd behavior: the Witch, the Queen, the Waif, and the Hermit and includes the kinds of damage each sub-type will inflict on her children, and it even describes the kind of man each sub-type tends to marry. For me this book was not an easy read because of its deep emotional impact. I cried a lot when I was reading this book, but I did manage to read all of it in very small chunks over a long period of time, and it was both enlightening and cathartic for me. My bpd mother ( " nada " , for " not a mom " ) was mostly a Queen and a Witch when Sister and I were growing up, but as she aged our nada switched to being more Waify instead of Witchy. -Annie > > My therapist recommended the walking on eggshells book to me today after I told her a story about my mom (nada?) The book has been eye opening for me. It is helping me define the confusing behavior I witnessed though out my 40 years! I have also seen the abbreviation no hear, what does that mean? I cut my mom off for three months last fall after an awful expisode. When I reconnected with her before the holidays I did it with major boundaries. I am so proud that I did the right thing before I even had a name or diagnosis for her! I still have a lot to read, but was wondering if there are common characteristics we share when we are raised my mothers like this? My mom is a high functioning bpd, and between me and my other two siblings I definitely get the worst of her. I am the oldest and was the most codependant until recently, any ideas why? Is this common? Thanks. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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