Guest guest Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Yes, that's emotional abuse. Please forgive yourself for that decision. You were doing the best you could under the circumstances. Who can say that things would have turned out better if you'd made a different decision anyway? Playing " what if " with the past only leads to grief in my experience. You can't change what has happened and you generally can't know what all the results would have been if you'd made other choices. At 08:30 PM 05/16/2012 barrycove@... wrote: >My mother admitted to trying to keep me young. >Not to let me grow and mature. >Not to let me express sexuality or to be flirty and playful. > > >When I had my first boyfriend, she immediately flipped out by >saying that he only wanted one thing from me. When I told her >that he said he would wait for me forever, she told me there >was something wrong with a man who could wait for a woman. > > >She told me I had to choose between him and her. We dated for 7 >years...very in love...but always against my mother. She would >fake having a heart attack when he would come to pick me up. >The chest pains curiously came when he would knock on the door. > > >She told me, after my father developed angina (chronic chest >pain) that I was the cause of it and if anything ever happened >to him, it would be my fault. > > >She told me that as long as I stayed with the man I loved, that >I was shortening her life and my dad's too. > > >It was a horrible 7 years of my life til we eventually broke up >due to extreme pressure. >When the poor souls who jumped from the twin towers chose 5 >more seconds of air over being burned on the spot, they made >decisions that were not rational. >I feel that I made rash decisions because I had no more air to >breathe...I felt so suffocated...and I chose to breathe. That >meant the lesser of the bad choices and I left him. I caved. >She won. > > >I live with this decision all my life and I don't think I will >ever let myself forgive myself for being coerced to make a very >important life choice. > > >Amy > > >barrycove@... -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 I'm so sorry. I've been there and even when I defied her and married the man I loved she couldn't be happy. She misbehaved on the wedding day, when I told her I was pregnant I got " you couldn't have waited " , and when he walked out after 7 years, citing among other things her she was like I told you so,  I survived and you will too. And when you find love again (and you will) you'll be stronger and able to say I'm not choosing you over him. I love you both and if you cant' deal with that so be it, it is your problem n ot mine and you will be happy again To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, May 16, 2012 8:30 PM Subject: is this abuse?  My mother admitted to trying to keep me young. Not to let me grow and mature. Not to let me express sexuality or to be flirty and playful. When I had my first boyfriend, she immediately flipped out by saying that he only wanted one thing from me. When I told her that he said he would wait for me forever, she told me there was something wrong with a man who could wait for a woman. She told me I had to choose between him and her. We dated for 7 years...very in love...but always against my mother. She would fake having a heart attack when he would come to pick me up. The chest pains curiously came when he would knock on the door. She told me, after my father developed angina (chronic chest pain) that I was the cause of it and if anything ever happened to him, it would be my fault. She told me that as long as I stayed with the man I loved, that I was shortening her life and my dad's too. It was a horrible 7 years of my life til we eventually broke up due to extreme pressure. When the poor souls who jumped from the twin towers chose 5 more seconds of air over being burned on the spot, they made decisions that were not rational. I feel that I made rash decisions because I had no more air to breathe...I felt so suffocated...and I chose to breathe. That meant the lesser of the bad choices and I left him. I caved. She won. I live with this decision all my life and I don't think I will ever let myself forgive myself for being coerced to make a very important life choice. Amy barrycove@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 That is totally abuse. Abuse of a terrible kind meant to snuff out an entire positive path for your life for her imagined benefit. It's hard to imagine a greater selfishness. (((((Amy)))) Eliza > > My mother admitted to trying to keep me young. > Not to let me grow and mature. > Not to let me express sexuality or to be flirty and playful. > > > When I had my first boyfriend, she immediately flipped out by saying that he only wanted one thing from me. When I told her that he said he would wait for me forever, she told me there was something wrong with a man who could wait for a woman. > > > She told me I had to choose between him and her. We dated for 7 years...very in love...but always against my mother. She would fake having a heart attack when he would come to pick me up. The chest pains curiously came when he would knock on the door. > > > She told me, after my father developed angina (chronic chest pain) that I was the cause of it and if anything ever happened to him, it would be my fault. > > > She told me that as long as I stayed with the man I loved, that I was shortening her life and my dad's too. > > > It was a horrible 7 years of my life til we eventually broke up due to extreme pressure. > When the poor souls who jumped from the twin towers chose 5 more seconds of air over being burned on the spot, they made decisions that were not rational. > I feel that I made rash decisions because I had no more air to breathe...I felt so suffocated...and I chose to breathe. That meant the lesser of the bad choices and I left him. I caved. She won. > > > I live with this decision all my life and I don't think I will ever let myself forgive myself for being coerced to make a very important life choice. > > > Amy > > > barrycove@... > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Oh, Amy. I'm so sorry. That's a huge loss, and it's a choice anyone would make under that kind of pressure. As to your question? YES! It is absolutely abuse. And oppression. And tyranny. And I could go on all day. > > My mother admitted to trying to keep me young. > Not to let me grow and mature. > Not to let me express sexuality or to be flirty and playful. > > > When I had my first boyfriend, she immediately flipped out by saying that he only wanted one thing from me. When I told her that he said he would wait for me forever, she told me there was something wrong with a man who could wait for a woman. > > > She told me I had to choose between him and her. We dated for 7 years...very in love...but always against my mother. She would fake having a heart attack when he would come to pick me up. The chest pains curiously came when he would knock on the door. > > > She told me, after my father developed angina (chronic chest pain) that I was the cause of it and if anything ever happened to him, it would be my fault. > > > She told me that as long as I stayed with the man I loved, that I was shortening her life and my dad's too. > > > It was a horrible 7 years of my life til we eventually broke up due to extreme pressure. > When the poor souls who jumped from the twin towers chose 5 more seconds of air over being burned on the spot, they made decisions that were not rational. > I feel that I made rash decisions because I had no more air to breathe...I felt so suffocated...and I chose to breathe. That meant the lesser of the bad choices and I left him. I caved. She won. > > > I live with this decision all my life and I don't think I will ever let myself forgive myself for being coerced to make a very important life choice. > > > Amy > > > barrycove@... > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Oh, Amy. I'm so sorry. That's a huge loss, and it's a choice anyone would make under that kind of pressure. As to your question? YES! It is absolutely abuse. And oppression. And tyranny. And I could go on all day. > > My mother admitted to trying to keep me young. > Not to let me grow and mature. > Not to let me express sexuality or to be flirty and playful. > > > When I had my first boyfriend, she immediately flipped out by saying that he only wanted one thing from me. When I told her that he said he would wait for me forever, she told me there was something wrong with a man who could wait for a woman. > > > She told me I had to choose between him and her. We dated for 7 years...very in love...but always against my mother. She would fake having a heart attack when he would come to pick me up. The chest pains curiously came when he would knock on the door. > > > She told me, after my father developed angina (chronic chest pain) that I was the cause of it and if anything ever happened to him, it would be my fault. > > > She told me that as long as I stayed with the man I loved, that I was shortening her life and my dad's too. > > > It was a horrible 7 years of my life til we eventually broke up due to extreme pressure. > When the poor souls who jumped from the twin towers chose 5 more seconds of air over being burned on the spot, they made decisions that were not rational. > I feel that I made rash decisions because I had no more air to breathe...I felt so suffocated...and I chose to breathe. That meant the lesser of the bad choices and I left him. I caved. She won. > > > I live with this decision all my life and I don't think I will ever let myself forgive myself for being coerced to make a very important life choice. > > > Amy > > > barrycove@... > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 16, 2012 Report Share Posted May 16, 2012 Oh, Amy. I'm so sorry. That's a huge loss, and it's a choice anyone would make under that kind of pressure. As to your question? YES! It is absolutely abuse. And oppression. And tyranny. And I could go on all day. > > My mother admitted to trying to keep me young. > Not to let me grow and mature. > Not to let me express sexuality or to be flirty and playful. > > > When I had my first boyfriend, she immediately flipped out by saying that he only wanted one thing from me. When I told her that he said he would wait for me forever, she told me there was something wrong with a man who could wait for a woman. > > > She told me I had to choose between him and her. We dated for 7 years...very in love...but always against my mother. She would fake having a heart attack when he would come to pick me up. The chest pains curiously came when he would knock on the door. > > > She told me, after my father developed angina (chronic chest pain) that I was the cause of it and if anything ever happened to him, it would be my fault. > > > She told me that as long as I stayed with the man I loved, that I was shortening her life and my dad's too. > > > It was a horrible 7 years of my life til we eventually broke up due to extreme pressure. > When the poor souls who jumped from the twin towers chose 5 more seconds of air over being burned on the spot, they made decisions that were not rational. > I feel that I made rash decisions because I had no more air to breathe...I felt so suffocated...and I chose to breathe. That meant the lesser of the bad choices and I left him. I caved. She won. > > > I live with this decision all my life and I don't think I will ever let myself forgive myself for being coerced to make a very important life choice. > > > Amy > > > barrycove@... > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 I am now 49, I am happily married and have 5 amazing kids. I will never get over what she did to me, even though I emerged as a pretty mentally healthy person. My kids see me as incredibly fair...well, I learned what NOT to do to your kids. My old boyfriend and I were pairs figure skaters. So when our relationship ended because of her, my skating career as a pairs skater ended too. I lost so much...she was so happy. Amy barrycove@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 I am now 49, I am happily married and have 5 amazing kids. I will never get over what she did to me, even though I emerged as a pretty mentally healthy person. My kids see me as incredibly fair...well, I learned what NOT to do to your kids. My old boyfriend and I were pairs figure skaters. So when our relationship ended because of her, my skating career as a pairs skater ended too. I lost so much...she was so happy. Amy barrycove@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 I am now 49, I am happily married and have 5 amazing kids. I will never get over what she did to me, even though I emerged as a pretty mentally healthy person. My kids see me as incredibly fair...well, I learned what NOT to do to your kids. My old boyfriend and I were pairs figure skaters. So when our relationship ended because of her, my skating career as a pairs skater ended too. I lost so much...she was so happy. Amy barrycove@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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