Guest guest Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Randi Kreger (who co-authored Stop Walking on Eggshells and sponsors this yahoo!group) has a good series on BPD/NPD differences up on her blog at Psychology Today. Here is the first article in the series. From there you will be able to click around and read more. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201110/what-have-you-\ done-me-lately-entitlement-key-narcissistic-trait Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 2012 Report Share Posted May 20, 2012 Hi Terri and all, I'm very sorry to hear that NPD is being removed from the DSM because it is a very real disorder, with traits quite distinguishable from BPD. I hope that voices like Randi's can still have an impact in spreading knowledge about NPD and BPD. In my experience, which includes a bpd mother, an npd father, an npd ex-husband, and encounters with numerous bpds/npds in work and other settings, I have observed some recurring and predictable differences. I'm not sure how searchable the yahoo database is, but I seem to remember posting a long commentary on it a few years ago. The main difference is that bpds hurt other with what a lawyer would call knowledge/recklessness, while npds hurt others with intent to destroy. BPDs are desperate to end their emotional discomfort, so desperate that they intentionally turn a blind eye to the harm they cause others in trying to appease themselves. NPDs, are homicidally selfish, and when they perceive someone is taking from them or otherwise deserving punishment, they actively seek to destroy that other person. Manifest in ptsd dream language, I will dream often that my bpd mother is an insect such as a spider--flailing all around, unpredictable. I will dream my father as himself, with a knife or a gun, killing things (especially innocent or defenseless animals). I also think that, unlike bpds, NPDs have a 'greed' center. Something they want all of in the whole world--and they will steal from everyone, not just family members, to get this thing. One npd I know, for example, wants all the professional competence in the world, and if anyone in her office is vulnerable to her, she will try to 'steal' all the competence from them by sabotaging their work performance. Not someone you want to work with. I know another NPD who wants all the money and financial control in the world. He steals that by force, not only from his children but from people he encounters. In contrast, a BPD will have 'theme' fears about themselves that they desperately need to project onto others--but they will usually only try that projection with vulnerable family members. One nada is terrified of being 'fat', so she obsesses that her split black daughter is fat. Another nada will be terrified of being 'crazy', so she puts her split black daughter in mental care. Also, emotionally BPDs are three years old. NPDs are six. So you can sometimes play with an NPD if they feel like it. Now this part is really just my opinion and conjecture, but I'll share it in case it's useful to anyone. Although NPDs are ultimately more dangerous, BPDs, in my opinion, are much, MUCH worse to be around as parents. NPDs are so obsessed with themselves that they generally don't give you trouble unless you cross them. BPDs, will COME AFTER you, they will not let up, and they have the tiniest ability at empathy, enough so that they know where your weak spots are, and how to make it really hurt. Although I know, truly know that he sees me as an object and tried (passively) to destroy me for defying him, I do not DESPISE my npd father. I do my nada. It has been years and years since I have seen or spoken to her, and yet any specific thought of her still makes my skin crawl. SO there is my two cents. I wish there was a way that we as a board could better interact with the psychiatric community because many of us here would have good input! --Charlie > > Randi Kreger (who co-authored Stop Walking on Eggshells and sponsors this yahoo!group) has a good series on BPD/NPD differences up on her blog at Psychology Today. > > Here is the first article in the series. From there you will be able to click around and read more. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201110/what-have-you-\ done-me-lately-entitlement-key-narcissistic-trait > > Sveta > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 2012 Report Share Posted May 20, 2012 Hi Terri and all, I'm very sorry to hear that NPD is being removed from the DSM because it is a very real disorder, with traits quite distinguishable from BPD. I hope that voices like Randi's can still have an impact in spreading knowledge about NPD and BPD. In my experience, which includes a bpd mother, an npd father, an npd ex-husband, and encounters with numerous bpds/npds in work and other settings, I have observed some recurring and predictable differences. I'm not sure how searchable the yahoo database is, but I seem to remember posting a long commentary on it a few years ago. The main difference is that bpds hurt other with what a lawyer would call knowledge/recklessness, while npds hurt others with intent to destroy. BPDs are desperate to end their emotional discomfort, so desperate that they intentionally turn a blind eye to the harm they cause others in trying to appease themselves. NPDs, are homicidally selfish, and when they perceive someone is taking from them or otherwise deserving punishment, they actively seek to destroy that other person. Manifest in ptsd dream language, I will dream often that my bpd mother is an insect such as a spider--flailing all around, unpredictable. I will dream my father as himself, with a knife or a gun, killing things (especially innocent or defenseless animals). I also think that, unlike bpds, NPDs have a 'greed' center. Something they want all of in the whole world--and they will steal from everyone, not just family members, to get this thing. One npd I know, for example, wants all the professional competence in the world, and if anyone in her office is vulnerable to her, she will try to 'steal' all the competence from them by sabotaging their work performance. Not someone you want to work with. I know another NPD who wants all the money and financial control in the world. He steals that by force, not only from his children but from people he encounters. In contrast, a BPD will have 'theme' fears about themselves that they desperately need to project onto others--but they will usually only try that projection with vulnerable family members. One nada is terrified of being 'fat', so she obsesses that her split black daughter is fat. Another nada will be terrified of being 'crazy', so she puts her split black daughter in mental care. Also, emotionally BPDs are three years old. NPDs are six. So you can sometimes play with an NPD if they feel like it. Now this part is really just my opinion and conjecture, but I'll share it in case it's useful to anyone. Although NPDs are ultimately more dangerous, BPDs, in my opinion, are much, MUCH worse to be around as parents. NPDs are so obsessed with themselves that they generally don't give you trouble unless you cross them. BPDs, will COME AFTER you, they will not let up, and they have the tiniest ability at empathy, enough so that they know where your weak spots are, and how to make it really hurt. Although I know, truly know that he sees me as an object and tried (passively) to destroy me for defying him, I do not DESPISE my npd father. I do my nada. It has been years and years since I have seen or spoken to her, and yet any specific thought of her still makes my skin crawl. SO there is my two cents. I wish there was a way that we as a board could better interact with the psychiatric community because many of us here would have good input! --Charlie > > Randi Kreger (who co-authored Stop Walking on Eggshells and sponsors this yahoo!group) has a good series on BPD/NPD differences up on her blog at Psychology Today. > > Here is the first article in the series. From there you will be able to click around and read more. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201110/what-have-you-\ done-me-lately-entitlement-key-narcissistic-trait > > Sveta > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 2012 Report Share Posted May 20, 2012 Charolotte great descriptions! I really like your point that a BPD can be more dangerous as a parent. My NPD father basically ignored me outside of occasions he needed me to make him look good. This was of course hurtful and bad on my self-esteem. But my BPD mother...different story, it was like she wanted to consume me emotionally, make any strength or ability I had serve her to help her function, and of course projected her own fears/insecurities. It's a different kettle of fish than NPD alone for sure. Eliza > > > > Randi Kreger (who co-authored Stop Walking on Eggshells and sponsors this yahoo!group) has a good series on BPD/NPD differences up on her blog at Psychology Today. > > > > Here is the first article in the series. From there you will be able to click around and read more. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201110/what-have-you-\ done-me-lately-entitlement-key-narcissistic-trait > > > > Sveta > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 2012 Report Share Posted May 20, 2012 Charolotte great descriptions! I really like your point that a BPD can be more dangerous as a parent. My NPD father basically ignored me outside of occasions he needed me to make him look good. This was of course hurtful and bad on my self-esteem. But my BPD mother...different story, it was like she wanted to consume me emotionally, make any strength or ability I had serve her to help her function, and of course projected her own fears/insecurities. It's a different kettle of fish than NPD alone for sure. Eliza > > > > Randi Kreger (who co-authored Stop Walking on Eggshells and sponsors this yahoo!group) has a good series on BPD/NPD differences up on her blog at Psychology Today. > > > > Here is the first article in the series. From there you will be able to click around and read more. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201110/what-have-you-\ done-me-lately-entitlement-key-narcissistic-trait > > > > Sveta > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 2012 Report Share Posted May 20, 2012 Charolotte great descriptions! I really like your point that a BPD can be more dangerous as a parent. My NPD father basically ignored me outside of occasions he needed me to make him look good. This was of course hurtful and bad on my self-esteem. But my BPD mother...different story, it was like she wanted to consume me emotionally, make any strength or ability I had serve her to help her function, and of course projected her own fears/insecurities. It's a different kettle of fish than NPD alone for sure. Eliza > > > > Randi Kreger (who co-authored Stop Walking on Eggshells and sponsors this yahoo!group) has a good series on BPD/NPD differences up on her blog at Psychology Today. > > > > Here is the first article in the series. From there you will be able to click around and read more. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201110/what-have-you-\ done-me-lately-entitlement-key-narcissistic-trait > > > > Sveta > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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