Anyone's input is appreciated...ever felt like this?...

[Guest guest]

I interviewed a therapist on Monday and felt really good about her. Thing is,

she referred me to one of her colleagues bc she is at max capacity. She and the

other doctors/therapists in the practice specialize in DBT so they are Very

familiar with what we all are going thru. She suggested I join their group

session, as well as a weekly one-on-one.

Well, today was the first group " get-together " . Since I only spoke on the phone

with the therapist with whom I'll see regularly starting Friday, I went into the

group today with many questions and no reference point. I should state that the

group is a blend of KO's and BPD's alike, but we do not know who's who. 3

Therpists/Dr.'s sit in and " teach " ways to deal with BPD. They ask for people

to share when it pertains to the subject being taught. (Homework is even

given.) It lasts for 2.5 hours and is a 6 month program, though you can come

more if you want.

The problem I had today, other than my deer-in-the-headlights look/mindset, was

that this one guy who's been in the class for over 6 months decides that he

doesn't like it when the break was about 3-5 min longer than the stated 10-15 it

was supposed to be. He made 3 snarky remarks about it needing to start and that

it was ridiculous to keep him waiting. One therapist heard him from the other

room and came in. ...and so it resumed. Then he tried to make it " pertain " to

something being taught and the " head " dr. told him it would be addressed at the

end. For the rest of the class/session he was in a huff, didn't pay attention,

and finally kept his trap shut. (He talked a lot throughout the class before.)

Class was stopped 10 min early to address what he said. The Dr. explained she

had to make a call to a patient and apologized PROFUSELY. 3,4,5 times she

apologized to this guy. I attempted to tread lightly and stated that it was not

what everyone felt and she told me it was " a group issue. " From my POV, she was

going around in circles saying the same thing, apologizing to him. Then she

asked him how he felt and his long drawn out answer was it pleased him that she

apologized. I was so bothered by this- he acts like both my nada and gnada, and

so I raised my hand and told the Dr. that I meant no disrespect and then asked

why she felt the need to apologize so much that it seemed to me like groveling.

She responded that she doesn't see it that way and just wanted him to know that

she was sorry. Hi, didn't 1-3 times convey that?

I've been thinking about this all day since. She said she was not bothered by

it, but it is bothering me. Am I out of line? I'm trying to understand the

group, the drs/therapists, and my own family. I'm really tired of people

speaking for me and it always being the Loud Mouth who gets the attention and

praise/apology/whatever. What do I do? I'm questioning continuing the group.

I don't know what to do. Should I bring this up in the private session

tomorrow? Have any of you dealt with something like this? Maybe I'm being to

critical and I should just let it go... Ugh, I don't know! I abhor this

feeling!

Sorry so long and Thanks!!

GG

[Guest guest]

Wow Fruitfly, you are a brave soul. Do I understand this right that this is a

group that contains people with active BPD and KO's? I think I would find that

triggering as all get out the minute they started their BPD behavior - like that

guy wanting all the special attention. My own group experience wasn't BPD

focused but it was often triggering and aggravating. BUT it was also healing

and helpful in some ways. I got to experience in a small setting seeing others

with their masks more off and observing my own interactions with them in a way I

wouldn't normally. In my group there was one woman whose needs and emotions

always seemed more important than everyone else's even to the therapist. Kinda

like your guy. Still there was some sort of alchemy in observing and

participating that I find hard to describe. Unless it is driving you batty I'd

say give it a little longer and see if there's any hidden gifts. Oh and

absolutely bring up issues in the private session! I'm long-winded tonight

geeesh.

eliza

>

> I interviewed a therapist on Monday and felt really good about her. Thing is,

she referred me to one of her colleagues bc she is at max capacity. She and the

other doctors/therapists in the practice specialize in DBT so they are Very

familiar with what we all are going thru. She suggested I join their group

session, as well as a weekly one-on-one.

>

> Well, today was the first group " get-together " . Since I only spoke on the

phone with the therapist with whom I'll see regularly starting Friday, I went

into the group today with many questions and no reference point. I should state

that the group is a blend of KO's and BPD's alike, but we do not know who's who.

3 Therpists/Dr.'s sit in and " teach " ways to deal with BPD. They ask for people

to share when it pertains to the subject being taught. (Homework is even

given.) It lasts for 2.5 hours and is a 6 month program, though you can come

more if you want.

>

> The problem I had today, other than my deer-in-the-headlights look/mindset,

was that this one guy who's been in the class for over 6 months decides that he

doesn't like it when the break was about 3-5 min longer than the stated 10-15 it

was supposed to be. He made 3 snarky remarks about it needing to start and that

it was ridiculous to keep him waiting. One therapist heard him from the other

room and came in. ...and so it resumed. Then he tried to make it " pertain " to

something being taught and the " head " dr. told him it would be addressed at the

end. For the rest of the class/session he was in a huff, didn't pay attention,

and finally kept his trap shut. (He talked a lot throughout the class before.)

>

> Class was stopped 10 min early to address what he said. The Dr. explained she

had to make a call to a patient and apologized PROFUSELY. 3,4,5 times she

apologized to this guy. I attempted to tread lightly and stated that it was not

what everyone felt and she told me it was " a group issue. " From my POV, she was

going around in circles saying the same thing, apologizing to him. Then she

asked him how he felt and his long drawn out answer was it pleased him that she

apologized. I was so bothered by this- he acts like both my nada and gnada, and

so I raised my hand and told the Dr. that I meant no disrespect and then asked

why she felt the need to apologize so much that it seemed to me like groveling.

She responded that she doesn't see it that way and just wanted him to know that

she was sorry. Hi, didn't 1-3 times convey that?

>

> I've been thinking about this all day since. She said she was not bothered by

it, but it is bothering me. Am I out of line? I'm trying to understand the

group, the drs/therapists, and my own family. I'm really tired of people

speaking for me and it always being the Loud Mouth who gets the attention and

praise/apology/whatever. What do I do? I'm questioning continuing the group.

I don't know what to do. Should I bring this up in the private session

tomorrow? Have any of you dealt with something like this? Maybe I'm being to

critical and I should just let it go... Ugh, I don't know! I abhor this

feeling!

>

> Sorry so long and Thanks!!

> GG

>

[Guest guest]

Wow Fruitfly, you are a brave soul. Do I understand this right that this is a

group that contains people with active BPD and KO's? I think I would find that

triggering as all get out the minute they started their BPD behavior - like that

guy wanting all the special attention. My own group experience wasn't BPD

focused but it was often triggering and aggravating. BUT it was also healing

and helpful in some ways. I got to experience in a small setting seeing others

with their masks more off and observing my own interactions with them in a way I

wouldn't normally. In my group there was one woman whose needs and emotions

always seemed more important than everyone else's even to the therapist. Kinda

like your guy. Still there was some sort of alchemy in observing and

participating that I find hard to describe. Unless it is driving you batty I'd

say give it a little longer and see if there's any hidden gifts. Oh and

absolutely bring up issues in the private session! I'm long-winded tonight

geeesh.

eliza

>

> I interviewed a therapist on Monday and felt really good about her. Thing is,

she referred me to one of her colleagues bc she is at max capacity. She and the

other doctors/therapists in the practice specialize in DBT so they are Very

familiar with what we all are going thru. She suggested I join their group

session, as well as a weekly one-on-one.

>

> Well, today was the first group " get-together " . Since I only spoke on the

phone with the therapist with whom I'll see regularly starting Friday, I went

into the group today with many questions and no reference point. I should state

that the group is a blend of KO's and BPD's alike, but we do not know who's who.

3 Therpists/Dr.'s sit in and " teach " ways to deal with BPD. They ask for people

to share when it pertains to the subject being taught. (Homework is even

given.) It lasts for 2.5 hours and is a 6 month program, though you can come

more if you want.

>

> The problem I had today, other than my deer-in-the-headlights look/mindset,

was that this one guy who's been in the class for over 6 months decides that he

doesn't like it when the break was about 3-5 min longer than the stated 10-15 it

was supposed to be. He made 3 snarky remarks about it needing to start and that

it was ridiculous to keep him waiting. One therapist heard him from the other

room and came in. ...and so it resumed. Then he tried to make it " pertain " to

something being taught and the " head " dr. told him it would be addressed at the

end. For the rest of the class/session he was in a huff, didn't pay attention,

and finally kept his trap shut. (He talked a lot throughout the class before.)

>

> Class was stopped 10 min early to address what he said. The Dr. explained she

had to make a call to a patient and apologized PROFUSELY. 3,4,5 times she

apologized to this guy. I attempted to tread lightly and stated that it was not

what everyone felt and she told me it was " a group issue. " From my POV, she was

going around in circles saying the same thing, apologizing to him. Then she

asked him how he felt and his long drawn out answer was it pleased him that she

apologized. I was so bothered by this- he acts like both my nada and gnada, and

so I raised my hand and told the Dr. that I meant no disrespect and then asked

why she felt the need to apologize so much that it seemed to me like groveling.

She responded that she doesn't see it that way and just wanted him to know that

she was sorry. Hi, didn't 1-3 times convey that?

>

> I've been thinking about this all day since. She said she was not bothered by

it, but it is bothering me. Am I out of line? I'm trying to understand the

group, the drs/therapists, and my own family. I'm really tired of people

speaking for me and it always being the Loud Mouth who gets the attention and

praise/apology/whatever. What do I do? I'm questioning continuing the group.

I don't know what to do. Should I bring this up in the private session

tomorrow? Have any of you dealt with something like this? Maybe I'm being to

critical and I should just let it go... Ugh, I don't know! I abhor this

feeling!

>

> Sorry so long and Thanks!!

> GG

>

[Guest guest]

GG,

I don't think you are out of line. The way I see it, the

therapist did exactly the kind of thing that many of us were

forced to do by our nadas and fadas. One apology would have been

plenty. A break that lasts five minutes longer than it is

supposed to last is not something that should need profuse

apologies at all. By repeatedly apologizing she reinforced bad

behavior. If she said she was not bothered by it, then it seems

to me that she is not someone capable of consistently standing

up to people with BPD and thus is possibly not the right person

to be helping you learn to do so and deal with the consequences.

If she doesn't see what was wrong with having to apologize so

much over such a trivial issue, she may not even understand your

problems. I think you should definitely bring it up in your

private session. Your feelings are just as valid as those of the

guy who was upset at the delay. If the group sessions are going

to be controlled by those with the loudest mouths, then the

people with BPD will mostly be in control.

I question the value of group therapy that throws people with

BPD together with victims of people with BPD. How is that

supposed to benefit the victims? I'm pretty sure that no one

things rape victims should go to therapy with rapists. People

who've been physically abused aren't expected to go to therapy

with people who beat others. Why are people who've been

emotionally abused going to therapy with emotional abusers? It

seems to me that what the people with BPD need to learn is

considerably different from what their victims need to learn. If

you aren't sure whether to continue or not, I'd ask what purpose

the therapist sees for putting together that combination of

people and how that is supposed to help *you*. If the answer

satisfies you, then it might be worth continuing with it. If the

answer doesn't satisfy you, have trust in the way you feel about

it. Even if there's a good reason to do it, now may not be the

right time for you to do it. I think you have to feel safe for

therapy to be helpful and I'm not convinced that I'd feel safe

in that kind of situation.

At 03:20 AM 05/18/2012 gofruitflygo wrote:

>I interviewed a therapist on Monday and felt really good about

>her. Thing is, she referred me to one of her colleagues bc she

>is at max capacity. She and the other doctors/therapists in

>the practice specialize in DBT so they are Very familiar with

>what we all are going thru. She suggested I join their group

>session, as well as a weekly one-on-one.

>

>Well, today was the first group " get-together " . Since I only

>spoke on the phone with the therapist with whom I'll see

>regularly starting Friday, I went into the group today with

>many questions and no reference point. I should state that the

>group is a blend of KO's and BPD's alike, but we do not know

>who's who. 3 Therpists/Dr.'s sit in and " teach " ways to deal

>with BPD. They ask for people to share when it pertains to the

>subject being taught. (Homework is even given.) It lasts for

>2.5 hours and is a 6 month program, though you can come more if

>you want.

>

>The problem I had today, other than my deer-in-the-headlights

>look/mindset, was that this one guy who's been in the class for

>over 6 months decides that he doesn't like it when the break

>was about 3-5 min longer than the stated 10-15 it was supposed

>to be. He made 3 snarky remarks about it needing to start and

>that it was ridiculous to keep him waiting. One therapist

>heard him from the other room and came in. ...and so it

>resumed. Then he tried to make it " pertain " to something being

>taught and the " head " dr. told him it would be addressed at the

>end. For the rest of the class/session he was in a huff,

>didn't pay attention, and finally kept his trap shut. (He

>talked a lot throughout the class before.)

>

>Class was stopped 10 min early to address what he said. The

>Dr. explained she had to make a call to a patient and

>apologized PROFUSELY. 3,4,5 times she apologized to this

>guy. I attempted to tread lightly and stated that it was not

>what everyone felt and she told me it was " a group

>issue. " From my POV, she was going around in circles saying

>the same thing, apologizing to him. Then she asked him how he

>felt and his long drawn out answer was it pleased him that she

>apologized. I was so bothered by this- he acts like both my

>nada and gnada, and so I raised my hand and told the Dr. that I

>meant no disrespect and then asked why she felt the need to

>apologize so much that it seemed to me like groveling. She

>responded that she doesn't see it that way and just wanted him

>to know that she was sorry. Hi, didn't 1-3 times convey that?

>

>I've been thinking about this all day since. She said she was

>not bothered by it, but it is bothering me. Am I out of

>line? I'm trying to understand the group, the drs/therapists,

>and my own family. I'm really tired of people speaking for me

>and it always being the Loud Mouth who gets the attention and

>praise/apology/whatever. What do I do? I'm questioning

>continuing the group. I don't know what to do. Should I bring

>this up in the private session tomorrow? Have any of you dealt

>with something like this? Maybe I'm being to critical and I

>should just let it go... Ugh, I don't know! I abhor this

>feeling!

>

>Sorry so long and Thanks!!

>GG

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I agree with Eliza. I would not want to be in a group with people with BPD.

good for you for speaking up, fruitfly. I wonder what the therapist hoped would

be accomplished by apologizing so much to the guy. Seems like she gave him what

he wanted: attention and a sense of importance he didn't deserve.

> >

> > I interviewed a therapist on Monday and felt really good about her. Thing

is, she referred me to one of her colleagues bc she is at max capacity. She and

the other doctors/therapists in the practice specialize in DBT so they are Very

familiar with what we all are going thru. She suggested I join their group

session, as well as a weekly one-on-one.

> >

> > Well, today was the first group " get-together " . Since I only spoke on the

phone with the therapist with whom I'll see regularly starting Friday, I went

into the group today with many questions and no reference point. I should state

that the group is a blend of KO's and BPD's alike, but we do not know who's who.

3 Therpists/Dr.'s sit in and " teach " ways to deal with BPD. They ask for people

to share when it pertains to the subject being taught. (Homework is even

given.) It lasts for 2.5 hours and is a 6 month program, though you can come

more if you want.

> >

> > The problem I had today, other than my deer-in-the-headlights look/mindset,

was that this one guy who's been in the class for over 6 months decides that he

doesn't like it when the break was about 3-5 min longer than the stated 10-15 it

was supposed to be. He made 3 snarky remarks about it needing to start and that

it was ridiculous to keep him waiting. One therapist heard him from the other

room and came in. ...and so it resumed. Then he tried to make it " pertain " to

something being taught and the " head " dr. told him it would be addressed at the

end. For the rest of the class/session he was in a huff, didn't pay attention,

and finally kept his trap shut. (He talked a lot throughout the class before.)

> >

> > Class was stopped 10 min early to address what he said. The Dr. explained

she had to make a call to a patient and apologized PROFUSELY. 3,4,5 times she

apologized to this guy. I attempted to tread lightly and stated that it was not

what everyone felt and she told me it was " a group issue. " From my POV, she was

going around in circles saying the same thing, apologizing to him. Then she

asked him how he felt and his long drawn out answer was it pleased him that she

apologized. I was so bothered by this- he acts like both my nada and gnada, and

so I raised my hand and told the Dr. that I meant no disrespect and then asked

why she felt the need to apologize so much that it seemed to me like groveling.

She responded that she doesn't see it that way and just wanted him to know that

she was sorry. Hi, didn't 1-3 times convey that?

> >

> > I've been thinking about this all day since. She said she was not bothered

by it, but it is bothering me. Am I out of line? I'm trying to understand the

group, the drs/therapists, and my own family. I'm really tired of people

speaking for me and it always being the Loud Mouth who gets the attention and

praise/apology/whatever. What do I do? I'm questioning continuing the group.

I don't know what to do. Should I bring this up in the private session

tomorrow? Have any of you dealt with something like this? Maybe I'm being to

critical and I should just let it go... Ugh, I don't know! I abhor this

feeling!

> >

> > Sorry so long and Thanks!!

> > GG

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with Eliza. I would not want to be in a group with people with BPD.

good for you for speaking up, fruitfly. I wonder what the therapist hoped would

be accomplished by apologizing so much to the guy. Seems like she gave him what

he wanted: attention and a sense of importance he didn't deserve.

> >

> > I interviewed a therapist on Monday and felt really good about her. Thing

is, she referred me to one of her colleagues bc she is at max capacity. She and

the other doctors/therapists in the practice specialize in DBT so they are Very

familiar with what we all are going thru. She suggested I join their group

session, as well as a weekly one-on-one.

> >

> > Well, today was the first group " get-together " . Since I only spoke on the

phone with the therapist with whom I'll see regularly starting Friday, I went

into the group today with many questions and no reference point. I should state

that the group is a blend of KO's and BPD's alike, but we do not know who's who.

3 Therpists/Dr.'s sit in and " teach " ways to deal with BPD. They ask for people

to share when it pertains to the subject being taught. (Homework is even

given.) It lasts for 2.5 hours and is a 6 month program, though you can come

more if you want.

> >

> > The problem I had today, other than my deer-in-the-headlights look/mindset,

was that this one guy who's been in the class for over 6 months decides that he

doesn't like it when the break was about 3-5 min longer than the stated 10-15 it

was supposed to be. He made 3 snarky remarks about it needing to start and that

it was ridiculous to keep him waiting. One therapist heard him from the other

room and came in. ...and so it resumed. Then he tried to make it " pertain " to

something being taught and the " head " dr. told him it would be addressed at the

end. For the rest of the class/session he was in a huff, didn't pay attention,

and finally kept his trap shut. (He talked a lot throughout the class before.)

> >

> > Class was stopped 10 min early to address what he said. The Dr. explained

she had to make a call to a patient and apologized PROFUSELY. 3,4,5 times she

apologized to this guy. I attempted to tread lightly and stated that it was not

what everyone felt and she told me it was " a group issue. " From my POV, she was

going around in circles saying the same thing, apologizing to him. Then she

asked him how he felt and his long drawn out answer was it pleased him that she

apologized. I was so bothered by this- he acts like both my nada and gnada, and

so I raised my hand and told the Dr. that I meant no disrespect and then asked

why she felt the need to apologize so much that it seemed to me like groveling.

She responded that she doesn't see it that way and just wanted him to know that

she was sorry. Hi, didn't 1-3 times convey that?

> >

> > I've been thinking about this all day since. She said she was not bothered

by it, but it is bothering me. Am I out of line? I'm trying to understand the

group, the drs/therapists, and my own family. I'm really tired of people

speaking for me and it always being the Loud Mouth who gets the attention and

praise/apology/whatever. What do I do? I'm questioning continuing the group.

I don't know what to do. Should I bring this up in the private session

tomorrow? Have any of you dealt with something like this? Maybe I'm being to

critical and I should just let it go... Ugh, I don't know! I abhor this

feeling!

> >

> > Sorry so long and Thanks!!

> > GG

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Me personally, I would not agree to group therapy with patients who have

borderline pd for myself.

At least, not at this point in time; I don't think I'm evolved/healed enough to

do that.

It would make me too wildly uncomfortable; I think I would probably revert and

re-experience my foo dynamic, I'd " walk on eggshells " around the bpd

individuals: not say what I was really thinking because it would hurt their

feelings and/or trigger them into rage or a crying jag. So in my case, paying

for a group session in which I had to just sit there, possibly even

disconnecting/dissociating so I would not experience my own emotions: not be

honest and open.... well, that would be a waste of my time and money.

I think that was very bold and brave of you to speak out like that in the Group,

RE the therapist over-apologizing (Wow!!) I probably would have found that

exchange to be triggering as well. My dad, Sister and I were doormats to our

nada for decades; we were her human emotional punching bags (and sometimes even

physical punching bags, when we were little) and at least for now I'm not going

to pay good money to be some other bpd person's doormat now!

But that's me. Perhaps KOs who are further along the road to healing would

receive a benefit from mixed group sessions, but I don't think I'm ready for it.

-Annie

>

> I interviewed a therapist on Monday and felt really good about her. Thing is,

she referred me to one of her colleagues bc she is at max capacity. She and the

other doctors/therapists in the practice specialize in DBT so they are Very

familiar with what we all are going thru. She suggested I join their group

session, as well as a weekly one-on-one.

>

> Well, today was the first group " get-together " . Since I only spoke on the

phone with the therapist with whom I'll see regularly starting Friday, I went

into the group today with many questions and no reference point. I should state

that the group is a blend of KO's and BPD's alike, but we do not know who's who.

3 Therpists/Dr.'s sit in and " teach " ways to deal with BPD. They ask for people

to share when it pertains to the subject being taught. (Homework is even

given.) It lasts for 2.5 hours and is a 6 month program, though you can come

more if you want.

>

> The problem I had today, other than my deer-in-the-headlights look/mindset,

was that this one guy who's been in the class for over 6 months decides that he

doesn't like it when the break was about 3-5 min longer than the stated 10-15 it

was supposed to be. He made 3 snarky remarks about it needing to start and that

it was ridiculous to keep him waiting. One therapist heard him from the other

room and came in. ...and so it resumed. Then he tried to make it " pertain " to

something being taught and the " head " dr. told him it would be addressed at the

end. For the rest of the class/session he was in a huff, didn't pay attention,

and finally kept his trap shut. (He talked a lot throughout the class before.)

>

> Class was stopped 10 min early to address what he said. The Dr. explained she

had to make a call to a patient and apologized PROFUSELY. 3,4,5 times she

apologized to this guy. I attempted to tread lightly and stated that it was not

what everyone felt and she told me it was " a group issue. " From my POV, she was

going around in circles saying the same thing, apologizing to him. Then she

asked him how he felt and his long drawn out answer was it pleased him that she

apologized. I was so bothered by this- he acts like both my nada and gnada, and

so I raised my hand and told the Dr. that I meant no disrespect and then asked

why she felt the need to apologize so much that it seemed to me like groveling.

She responded that she doesn't see it that way and just wanted him to know that

she was sorry. Hi, didn't 1-3 times convey that?

>

> I've been thinking about this all day since. She said she was not bothered by

it, but it is bothering me. Am I out of line? I'm trying to understand the

group, the drs/therapists, and my own family. I'm really tired of people

speaking for me and it always being the Loud Mouth who gets the attention and

praise/apology/whatever. What do I do? I'm questioning continuing the group.

I don't know what to do. Should I bring this up in the private session

tomorrow? Have any of you dealt with something like this? Maybe I'm being to

critical and I should just let it go... Ugh, I don't know! I abhor this

feeling!

>

> Sorry so long and Thanks!!

> GG

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with all the points you've made, Katrina. Well put. In particular, I

simply can't imagine that it would be considered healing and therapeutic to put

rape victims into group therapy sessions with convicted rapists. (!!) That

would even be re-traumatizing, I would think. (If I'm wrong about this, I will

be mightily astonished!)

Good points, every one that you brought up.

-Annie

>

> GG,

>

> I don't think you are out of line. The way I see it, the

> therapist did exactly the kind of thing that many of us were

> forced to do by our nadas and fadas. One apology would have been

> plenty. A break that lasts five minutes longer than it is

> supposed to last is not something that should need profuse

> apologies at all. By repeatedly apologizing she reinforced bad

> behavior. If she said she was not bothered by it, then it seems

> to me that she is not someone capable of consistently standing

> up to people with BPD and thus is possibly not the right person

> to be helping you learn to do so and deal with the consequences.

> If she doesn't see what was wrong with having to apologize so

> much over such a trivial issue, she may not even understand your

> problems. I think you should definitely bring it up in your

> private session. Your feelings are just as valid as those of the

> guy who was upset at the delay. If the group sessions are going

> to be controlled by those with the loudest mouths, then the

> people with BPD will mostly be in control.

>

> I question the value of group therapy that throws people with

> BPD together with victims of people with BPD. How is that

> supposed to benefit the victims? I'm pretty sure that no one

> things rape victims should go to therapy with rapists. People

> who've been physically abused aren't expected to go to therapy

> with people who beat others. Why are people who've been

> emotionally abused going to therapy with emotional abusers? It

> seems to me that what the people with BPD need to learn is

> considerably different from what their victims need to learn. If

> you aren't sure whether to continue or not, I'd ask what purpose

> the therapist sees for putting together that combination of

> people and how that is supposed to help *you*. If the answer

> satisfies you, then it might be worth continuing with it. If the

> answer doesn't satisfy you, have trust in the way you feel about

> it. Even if there's a good reason to do it, now may not be the

> right time for you to do it. I think you have to feel safe for

> therapy to be helpful and I'm not convinced that I'd feel safe

> in that kind of situation.

[Guest guest]

I agree with all the points you've made, Katrina. Well put. In particular, I

simply can't imagine that it would be considered healing and therapeutic to put

rape victims into group therapy sessions with convicted rapists. (!!) That

would even be re-traumatizing, I would think. (If I'm wrong about this, I will

be mightily astonished!)

Good points, every one that you brought up.

-Annie

>

> GG,

>

> I don't think you are out of line. The way I see it, the

> therapist did exactly the kind of thing that many of us were

> forced to do by our nadas and fadas. One apology would have been

> plenty. A break that lasts five minutes longer than it is

> supposed to last is not something that should need profuse

> apologies at all. By repeatedly apologizing she reinforced bad

> behavior. If she said she was not bothered by it, then it seems

> to me that she is not someone capable of consistently standing

> up to people with BPD and thus is possibly not the right person

> to be helping you learn to do so and deal with the consequences.

> If she doesn't see what was wrong with having to apologize so

> much over such a trivial issue, she may not even understand your

> problems. I think you should definitely bring it up in your

> private session. Your feelings are just as valid as those of the

> guy who was upset at the delay. If the group sessions are going

> to be controlled by those with the loudest mouths, then the

> people with BPD will mostly be in control.

>

> I question the value of group therapy that throws people with

> BPD together with victims of people with BPD. How is that

> supposed to benefit the victims? I'm pretty sure that no one

> things rape victims should go to therapy with rapists. People

> who've been physically abused aren't expected to go to therapy

> with people who beat others. Why are people who've been

> emotionally abused going to therapy with emotional abusers? It

> seems to me that what the people with BPD need to learn is

> considerably different from what their victims need to learn. If

> you aren't sure whether to continue or not, I'd ask what purpose

> the therapist sees for putting together that combination of

> people and how that is supposed to help *you*. If the answer

> satisfies you, then it might be worth continuing with it. If the

> answer doesn't satisfy you, have trust in the way you feel about

> it. Even if there's a good reason to do it, now may not be the

> right time for you to do it. I think you have to feel safe for

> therapy to be helpful and I'm not convinced that I'd feel safe

> in that kind of situation.