Guest guest Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 (((Amy))) I'm so sorry for what your mother put you through. As I read your post, it seems that you're (rightly) in grief for your loss. It's such a deep loss. What your mother did was wrong. I feel that yes, it was a long-term, almost systematic, abuse. Not to minimize it *at all*, but more as an illustration, it reminds me of that movie " Tangled, " where the mother lies to her daughter and tells her how unattractive she is and how she'll die if the girl leaves. It's evil what your mother did, telling you she and your father would die if you didn't do as she said. My mother was something like that, more of the " feeling sick " variety when I wanted to go out. She would tell me I looked ok when I asked her if I was pretty. Later, when I was older, she told me she didn't want to tell me how pretty I was so my head wouldn't get big. Honestly, Amy, I look back on how my mother raised me -- filled with fear and anxiety and phobias -- and I'm amazed I'm not a hermit or sucking my thumb under a table. I don't know if you see a therapist; that's helped me so much with my own issues. Maybe you could consider seeing someone to help you unpack all of this (please know I'm not telling you what to do, just what's worked for me. you clearly have a lot of insight into yourself already.) Hugs, Fiona > > My mother admitted to trying to keep me young. > Not to let me grow and mature. > Not to let me express sexuality or to be flirty and playful. > > > When I had my first boyfriend, she immediately flipped out by saying that he only wanted one thing from me. When I told her that he said he would wait for me forever, she told me there was something wrong with a man who could wait for a woman. > > > She told me I had to choose between him and her. We dated for 7 years...very in love...but always against my mother. She would fake having a heart attack when he would come to pick me up. The chest pains curiously came when he would knock on the door. > > > She told me, after my father developed angina (chronic chest pain) that I was the cause of it and if anything ever happened to him, it would be my fault. > > > She told me that as long as I stayed with the man I loved, that I was shortening her life and my dad's too. > > > It was a horrible 7 years of my life til we eventually broke up due to extreme pressure. > When the poor souls who jumped from the twin towers chose 5 more seconds of air over being burned on the spot, they made decisions that were not rational. > I feel that I made rash decisions because I had no more air to breathe...I felt so suffocated...and I chose to breathe. That meant the lesser of the bad choices and I left him. I caved. She won. > > > I live with this decision all my life and I don't think I will ever let myself forgive myself for being coerced to make a very important life choice. > > > Amy > > > barrycove@... > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 (((Amy))) I'm so sorry for what your mother put you through. As I read your post, it seems that you're (rightly) in grief for your loss. It's such a deep loss. What your mother did was wrong. I feel that yes, it was a long-term, almost systematic, abuse. Not to minimize it *at all*, but more as an illustration, it reminds me of that movie " Tangled, " where the mother lies to her daughter and tells her how unattractive she is and how she'll die if the girl leaves. It's evil what your mother did, telling you she and your father would die if you didn't do as she said. My mother was something like that, more of the " feeling sick " variety when I wanted to go out. She would tell me I looked ok when I asked her if I was pretty. Later, when I was older, she told me she didn't want to tell me how pretty I was so my head wouldn't get big. Honestly, Amy, I look back on how my mother raised me -- filled with fear and anxiety and phobias -- and I'm amazed I'm not a hermit or sucking my thumb under a table. I don't know if you see a therapist; that's helped me so much with my own issues. Maybe you could consider seeing someone to help you unpack all of this (please know I'm not telling you what to do, just what's worked for me. you clearly have a lot of insight into yourself already.) Hugs, Fiona > > My mother admitted to trying to keep me young. > Not to let me grow and mature. > Not to let me express sexuality or to be flirty and playful. > > > When I had my first boyfriend, she immediately flipped out by saying that he only wanted one thing from me. When I told her that he said he would wait for me forever, she told me there was something wrong with a man who could wait for a woman. > > > She told me I had to choose between him and her. We dated for 7 years...very in love...but always against my mother. She would fake having a heart attack when he would come to pick me up. The chest pains curiously came when he would knock on the door. > > > She told me, after my father developed angina (chronic chest pain) that I was the cause of it and if anything ever happened to him, it would be my fault. > > > She told me that as long as I stayed with the man I loved, that I was shortening her life and my dad's too. > > > It was a horrible 7 years of my life til we eventually broke up due to extreme pressure. > When the poor souls who jumped from the twin towers chose 5 more seconds of air over being burned on the spot, they made decisions that were not rational. > I feel that I made rash decisions because I had no more air to breathe...I felt so suffocated...and I chose to breathe. That meant the lesser of the bad choices and I left him. I caved. She won. > > > I live with this decision all my life and I don't think I will ever let myself forgive myself for being coerced to make a very important life choice. > > > Amy > > > barrycove@... > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.