RE: I called my nada's doctor

[Guest guest]

Hi there!

I have considered doing the same thing for the SAME reasons.

Please keep us posted as to how it goes as I may be right on your heels.

M-

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of IreneM

Sent: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 10:52 AM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: I called my nada's doctor

I may have either started a good thing or will trigger world war III. My

nada's behavior is just getting worse plus it seems like dementia is taking

hold as well. She has trouble reading the clocks now, can't understand the

TV listings. swears she didn't set the alarm but I see on the panel that she

did and that's why it's going off. So many things going on. It's hard enough

for me to do what I can to help her in spite of her negativity and mean

behavior. But I think this is going way beyond my abilities to care for her.

So I called her doctor's office, spoke with the nurse who happens to be a

very sweet woman.

I didn't go into the manipulative, angry behavior of my mom. That's nothing

new and she's never seen that side of nada. I focused on facts: cognitive

changes I've seen over the past year. I explained that I do spend 2 days a

week with nada helping with shopping, errands, things around the house. Plus

I call at least twice a week. That's in case my nada tells her that I'm too

busy to spend time with her. She loves to play the pity card. The nurse said

she had noticed some changes too (Hallelujah!). So she's going to call my

nada, tell her they'd like to see her since she took that trip to ER

recently. And they're going to check her out. I don't know what will happen

next but I do know I can't go on like this. My intestines are going to rot

at this rate.

[Guest guest]

Hi there!

I have considered doing the same thing for the SAME reasons.

Please keep us posted as to how it goes as I may be right on your heels.

M-

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of IreneM

Sent: Wednesday, May 23, 2012 10:52 AM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: I called my nada's doctor

I may have either started a good thing or will trigger world war III. My

nada's behavior is just getting worse plus it seems like dementia is taking

hold as well. She has trouble reading the clocks now, can't understand the

TV listings. swears she didn't set the alarm but I see on the panel that she

did and that's why it's going off. So many things going on. It's hard enough

for me to do what I can to help her in spite of her negativity and mean

behavior. But I think this is going way beyond my abilities to care for her.

So I called her doctor's office, spoke with the nurse who happens to be a

very sweet woman.

I didn't go into the manipulative, angry behavior of my mom. That's nothing

new and she's never seen that side of nada. I focused on facts: cognitive

changes I've seen over the past year. I explained that I do spend 2 days a

week with nada helping with shopping, errands, things around the house. Plus

I call at least twice a week. That's in case my nada tells her that I'm too

busy to spend time with her. She loves to play the pity card. The nurse said

she had noticed some changes too (Hallelujah!). So she's going to call my

nada, tell her they'd like to see her since she took that trip to ER

recently. And they're going to check her out. I don't know what will happen

next but I do know I can't go on like this. My intestines are going to rot

at this rate.

[Guest guest]

My heart goes out to you Irene; my younger Sister is the one who decided to stay

in contact with our nada and keep an eye on her; even after Sister cut back on

the amount of time she would spend with our nada, nada's increasingly intensely

negative behaviors in the final few years of her life took a toll on Sister: the

false accusations, the complaining, the anger or histrionic crying, then nada's

deteriorating grasp of reality as the dementia set in was (as Sister explained)

as though our nada's bpd was turned up to high volume.

Your nada's doctor and/or the nurse will hopefully discuss the pros and cons of

different options for your nada as she becomes less able to function on her own,

such as relocating your nada to an elder-care or assisted-living residence, or

hiring a elder-care worker provide " day care " for your nada in your nada's home,

or hiring a full-time live-in care-giver. Or some combination of a group

day-care center, with an elder care-giver to stay over at your nada's at night.

In my own nada's case, since she was very mobile and very stubborn and was

hallucinating with increasing frequency and had a tendency to become violent

despite the meds she was on, Sister and I felt that it was best and safest for

our nada to have 24/7 supervision at a residential care home, with an

Alzheimer's wing.

Best of luck to you. None of this is easy at all, so be gentle and kind to

yourself as you help your nada through this transitional period of her life.

-Annie

>

> I may have either started a good thing or will trigger world war III. My

nada's behavior is just getting worse plus it seems like dementia is taking hold

as well. She has trouble reading the clocks now, can't understand the TV

listings. swears she didn't set the alarm but I see on the panel that she did

and that's why it's going off. So many things going on. It's hard enough for me

to do what I can to help her in spite of her negativity and mean behavior. But I

think this is going way beyond my abilities to care for her. So I called her

doctor's office, spoke with the nurse who happens to be a very sweet woman.

>

> I didn't go into the manipulative, angry behavior of my mom. That's nothing

new and she's never seen that side of nada. I focused on facts: cognitive

changes I've seen over the past year. I explained that I do spend 2 days a week

with nada helping with shopping, errands, things around the house. Plus I call

at least twice a week. That's in case my nada tells her that I'm too busy to

spend time with her. She loves to play the pity card. The nurse said she had

noticed some changes too (Hallelujah!). So she's going to call my nada, tell her

they'd like to see her since she took that trip to ER recently. And they're

going to check her out. I don't know what will happen next but I do know I can't

go on like this. My intestines are going to rot at this rate.

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you. It was the right thing to do, regardless of how nada reacts.

And you're right - you can't handle her care, nor should you.

Good work! I think that was very brave.

>

> I may have either started a good thing or will trigger world war III. My

nada's behavior is just getting worse plus it seems like dementia is taking hold

as well. She has trouble reading the clocks now, can't understand the TV

listings. swears she didn't set the alarm but I see on the panel that she did

and that's why it's going off. So many things going on. It's hard enough for me

to do what I can to help her in spite of her negativity and mean behavior. But I

think this is going way beyond my abilities to care for her. So I called her

doctor's office, spoke with the nurse who happens to be a very sweet woman.

>

> I didn't go into the manipulative, angry behavior of my mom. That's nothing

new and she's never seen that side of nada. I focused on facts: cognitive

changes I've seen over the past year. I explained that I do spend 2 days a week

with nada helping with shopping, errands, things around the house. Plus I call

at least twice a week. That's in case my nada tells her that I'm too busy to

spend time with her. She loves to play the pity card. The nurse said she had

noticed some changes too (Hallelujah!). So she's going to call my nada, tell her

they'd like to see her since she took that trip to ER recently. And they're

going to check her out. I don't know what will happen next but I do know I can't

go on like this. My intestines are going to rot at this rate.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for the words of encouragement. Her doctor's nurse called me again

this morning, was very helpful and understanding. She checked with me (because

of my schedule) to see if I could bring my nada in tomorrow. They won't tell her

I called; they're just telling her they're following up on her ER visit from

last month. When I got over to her house, she was hyper and excited that they

called her and she gets to go in. I'm not thrilled with this doctor who's seeing

her. He's a crotchety guy and actually retired. He even yelled at me one time

because her meds list wasn't perfect. I only hope he handles this well. I just

want this visit to be over.

Some kind of day care at home would be a good start. It would give me some

breathing room. Maybe we could even run away from home for a few days as a mini

vacation. It's been years since we've had a real break. Going to see my MIL die

is not exactly relaxing. Trying to see our son in Texas for a few days while

he's working non-stop and the temps were over 100 every day wasn't my idea of

fun either. Gosh, I'm picky. LOL

I'll let you know if the $#!^ hits the fan tomorrow. Today nada was telling me

again how she felt like she had another stroke last night. Just trying to talk

to her today was a real test of patience and like trying to solve a Rubiks cube

with your eyes closed. She kept asking me about what she was saying. It's hard

to tell after just 3 words.

[Guest guest]

Yesterday was the day we picked up my nada's dog from the animal hospital plus

nada had her appt. with her own doctor. I was on pins and needles wondering if

the crotchety doc told her that I had talked to the nurse about her behavior.

And when she came out from the appt., she looked so odd, kind of a plastic smile

and kind of manic behavior. Scary. I thought for sure I was doomed to face her

wrath. My husband had come with me just in case.

Nada just talked about how good looking her doctor is now (he must be close to

80 as well), how he must have a girlfriend, etc. She went on to say that he gave

her a test for Alzheimers and she aced it. How he asked her to do several lists

of things backwards and she rattled them off. Now either this is true and she's

been faking her confusion around me or she's lying about how things went in the

office. I have no idea.

This morning I talked to her and she was quite upset, said she didn't sleep

much. Again, I felt the blade of doom near my throat. Turns out the doctor was

quite upset with her because she wouldn't tell him what she eats or how often.

He also asked if she had taken her medications that morning and she told him no,

she was too busy. He told her, " You were too busy to take one minute to swallow

your medications? " She said yes. I don't know what else went on but I know how

she dances around things when you try to get a straight answer from her.

According to her he said that if she doesn't start eating regularly (she lost 4

more pounds) and taking her medicine, he would go to court and have her declared

unfit to care for herself. Then they would put her in a place where they would

force her to eat 3 meals a day and take her medication.

I know this doc is pushy and rude at times but I wonder if he would go this far?

Bottom line is I have no idea what really went on in there but nada is pretty

angry and maybe she'll be motivated now to do more for herself instead of

calling me so often and acting so helpless. I expect some confusion and

repeated stories but some of the things she does is way beyond senior slow down.

[Guest guest]

Yesterday was the day we picked up my nada's dog from the animal hospital plus

nada had her appt. with her own doctor. I was on pins and needles wondering if

the crotchety doc told her that I had talked to the nurse about her behavior.

And when she came out from the appt., she looked so odd, kind of a plastic smile

and kind of manic behavior. Scary. I thought for sure I was doomed to face her

wrath. My husband had come with me just in case.

Nada just talked about how good looking her doctor is now (he must be close to

80 as well), how he must have a girlfriend, etc. She went on to say that he gave

her a test for Alzheimers and she aced it. How he asked her to do several lists

of things backwards and she rattled them off. Now either this is true and she's

been faking her confusion around me or she's lying about how things went in the

office. I have no idea.

This morning I talked to her and she was quite upset, said she didn't sleep

much. Again, I felt the blade of doom near my throat. Turns out the doctor was

quite upset with her because she wouldn't tell him what she eats or how often.

He also asked if she had taken her medications that morning and she told him no,

she was too busy. He told her, " You were too busy to take one minute to swallow

your medications? " She said yes. I don't know what else went on but I know how

she dances around things when you try to get a straight answer from her.

According to her he said that if she doesn't start eating regularly (she lost 4

more pounds) and taking her medicine, he would go to court and have her declared

unfit to care for herself. Then they would put her in a place where they would

force her to eat 3 meals a day and take her medication.

I know this doc is pushy and rude at times but I wonder if he would go this far?

Bottom line is I have no idea what really went on in there but nada is pretty

angry and maybe she'll be motivated now to do more for herself instead of

calling me so often and acting so helpless. I expect some confusion and

repeated stories but some of the things she does is way beyond senior slow down.

[Guest guest]

Wow this doctor sounds wonderful Irene, I wish my mother saw him. A doctor who

will actually ask the questions and lay it on the line sounds like heaven to me.

I'm not sure if you are happy from your post though? My perspective is my nada

doesn't care for herself that well but she has incredible skill at evading the

point and fooling everyone. I'm so worried about how to deal with things once

it reaches an action point. Good luck with your nada I hope things work out

for the best whatever that is.

Eliza

>

> Yesterday was the day we picked up my nada's dog from the animal hospital plus

nada had her appt. with her own doctor. I was on pins and needles wondering if

the crotchety doc told her that I had talked to the nurse about her behavior.

And when she came out from the appt., she looked so odd, kind of a plastic smile

and kind of manic behavior. Scary. I thought for sure I was doomed to face her

wrath. My husband had come with me just in case.

>

> Nada just talked about how good looking her doctor is now (he must be close to

80 as well), how he must have a girlfriend, etc. She went on to say that he gave

her a test for Alzheimers and she aced it. How he asked her to do several lists

of things backwards and she rattled them off. Now either this is true and she's

been faking her confusion around me or she's lying about how things went in the

office. I have no idea.

>

> This morning I talked to her and she was quite upset, said she didn't sleep

much. Again, I felt the blade of doom near my throat. Turns out the doctor was

quite upset with her because she wouldn't tell him what she eats or how often.

He also asked if she had taken her medications that morning and she told him no,

she was too busy. He told her, " You were too busy to take one minute to swallow

your medications? " She said yes. I don't know what else went on but I know how

she dances around things when you try to get a straight answer from her.

According to her he said that if she doesn't start eating regularly (she lost 4

more pounds) and taking her medicine, he would go to court and have her declared

unfit to care for herself. Then they would put her in a place where they would

force her to eat 3 meals a day and take her medication.

>

> I know this doc is pushy and rude at times but I wonder if he would go this

far? Bottom line is I have no idea what really went on in there but nada is

pretty angry and maybe she'll be motivated now to do more for herself instead of

calling me so often and acting so helpless. I expect some confusion and

repeated stories but some of the things she does is way beyond senior slow down.

>

[Guest guest]

I think it's fine that he used scare tactics to shake her up a bit but mostly I

was on edge waiting to see if he told her I had called. Kind of selfish of me

but I don't handle her anger very well. There doesn't appear to be any follow up

on this so things may go back to business as usual. The rate she's going

(mentally down hill) I'm thinking things will change sometime this year.

Examples: she got frustrated looking for something to wear so she threw all her

clothes on the bed and floor. Now she's spending days trying to figure out how

to put them back. She has a few bills to pay but can't seem to fill out the

check. She's blaming my Dad for this (he's been dead almost 4 years now). I'm

not going to intervene unless she comes right out and asks me. The dog is on

medication but she's having trouble figuring out how to give it (only 1 pill is

absolutely necessary but she can't seem to get it done on time- 8 am).

>

> Wow this doctor sounds wonderful Irene, I wish my mother saw him. A doctor

who will actually ask the questions and lay it on the line sounds like heaven to

me. I'm not sure if you are happy from your post though? My perspective is

my nada doesn't care for herself that well but she has incredible skill at

evading the point and fooling everyone. I'm so worried about how to deal with

things once it reaches an action point. Good luck with your nada I hope things

work out for the best whatever that is.

>

> Eliza

>

> --

[Guest guest]

I think it's fine that he used scare tactics to shake her up a bit but mostly I

was on edge waiting to see if he told her I had called. Kind of selfish of me

but I don't handle her anger very well. There doesn't appear to be any follow up

on this so things may go back to business as usual. The rate she's going

(mentally down hill) I'm thinking things will change sometime this year.

Examples: she got frustrated looking for something to wear so she threw all her

clothes on the bed and floor. Now she's spending days trying to figure out how

to put them back. She has a few bills to pay but can't seem to fill out the

check. She's blaming my Dad for this (he's been dead almost 4 years now). I'm

not going to intervene unless she comes right out and asks me. The dog is on

medication but she's having trouble figuring out how to give it (only 1 pill is

absolutely necessary but she can't seem to get it done on time- 8 am).

>

> Wow this doctor sounds wonderful Irene, I wish my mother saw him. A doctor

who will actually ask the questions and lay it on the line sounds like heaven to

me. I'm not sure if you are happy from your post though? My perspective is

my nada doesn't care for herself that well but she has incredible skill at

evading the point and fooling everyone. I'm so worried about how to deal with

things once it reaches an action point. Good luck with your nada I hope things

work out for the best whatever that is.

>

> Eliza

>

> --