Guest guest Posted May 27, 2012 Report Share Posted May 27, 2012 Well so far I have kept my distance and stuck to some tried and true methods. I am staying with someone besides nada in another town where she doesn't know where they live. I have been driving my brother's car back and forth, he is NC for about 3.5 years now. When she asked if we were gonna stay with her at all, my DS asked me a question at the same time and I ignored nada's question to answer him. About ten minutes later, nada announces that it is probably better that I stay with someone else and be able to come and go as I please. She also asked about maybe DS staying a night with her, which unfortunately, DS chimes in and says yes, but I think that is gonna be an impromptu thing, if it happens at all since we are leaving Thursday. If she has time to think about it, she has time to dwell and get stirred up and go " off " about whatever dark thoughts have been brewing in her head. The tried and true methods, which I share for what they do for me as well as almost a form of role playing to keep them fresh in my head. When she brings up any taboo topic, I will give NO verbal acknowlegement at all, almost as if I do not hear what she says. Even on the phone, I will not even give her an " hmmm " in response to forbidden topics. She has been known to demand " are you still there?! " I won't even breath heavy. I will say yes and if she has the nerve to ask why I didn't say anything, I will respond that I have nothing to say on this matter. Only once have we gone further than this. She continued to press and I told her that if she REALLY wanted my unvarnished opinion, that I would give it to her, and she did, so I did. After that, I only had to ask her if she wanted my opinion one other time and she quickley responded negatively and suggested that SHE was done with that topic! LOL It has taken me a long time to get to point and I thank this board, my fellow KO's and the books I have read for getting me here. CmeBfree Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 27, 2012 Report Share Posted May 27, 2012 That is so encouraging to hear how empowered you are now, and the method you created to handle things when your nada violates boundaries: the " I can't hear you " technique. Its brilliant, because its tailored to your own nada's behaviors, you feel comfortable with it and able to utilize it, AND IT WORKS! Big virtual high-five from me! )))))SMAK!((((( -Annie > > Well so far I have kept my distance and stuck to some tried and true methods. I am staying with someone besides nada in another town where she doesn't know where they live. I have been driving my brother's car back and forth, he is NC for about 3.5 years now. When she asked if we were gonna stay with her at all, my DS asked me a question at the same time and I ignored nada's question to answer him. About ten minutes later, nada announces that it is probably better that I stay with someone else and be able to come and go as I please. She also asked about maybe DS staying a night with her, which unfortunately, DS chimes in and says yes, but I think that is gonna be an impromptu thing, if it happens at all since we are leaving Thursday. If she has time to think about it, she has time to dwell and get stirred up and go " off " about whatever dark thoughts have been brewing in her head. > > The tried and true methods, which I share for what they do for me as well as almost a form of role playing to keep them fresh in my head. When she brings up any taboo topic, I will give NO verbal acknowlegement at all, almost as if I do not hear what she says. Even on the phone, I will not even give her an " hmmm " in response to forbidden topics. She has been known to demand " are you still there?! " I won't even breath heavy. I will say yes and if she has the nerve to ask why I didn't say anything, I will respond that I have nothing to say on this matter. Only once have we gone further than this. She continued to press and I told her that if she REALLY wanted my unvarnished opinion, that I would give it to her, and she did, so I did. After that, I only had to ask her if she wanted my opinion one other time and she quickley responded negatively and suggested that SHE was done with that topic! LOL > > It has taken me a long time to get to point and I thank this board, my fellow KO's and the books I have read for getting me here. CmeBfree > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 27, 2012 Report Share Posted May 27, 2012 That is so encouraging to hear how empowered you are now, and the method you created to handle things when your nada violates boundaries: the " I can't hear you " technique. Its brilliant, because its tailored to your own nada's behaviors, you feel comfortable with it and able to utilize it, AND IT WORKS! Big virtual high-five from me! )))))SMAK!((((( -Annie > > Well so far I have kept my distance and stuck to some tried and true methods. I am staying with someone besides nada in another town where she doesn't know where they live. I have been driving my brother's car back and forth, he is NC for about 3.5 years now. When she asked if we were gonna stay with her at all, my DS asked me a question at the same time and I ignored nada's question to answer him. About ten minutes later, nada announces that it is probably better that I stay with someone else and be able to come and go as I please. She also asked about maybe DS staying a night with her, which unfortunately, DS chimes in and says yes, but I think that is gonna be an impromptu thing, if it happens at all since we are leaving Thursday. If she has time to think about it, she has time to dwell and get stirred up and go " off " about whatever dark thoughts have been brewing in her head. > > The tried and true methods, which I share for what they do for me as well as almost a form of role playing to keep them fresh in my head. When she brings up any taboo topic, I will give NO verbal acknowlegement at all, almost as if I do not hear what she says. Even on the phone, I will not even give her an " hmmm " in response to forbidden topics. She has been known to demand " are you still there?! " I won't even breath heavy. I will say yes and if she has the nerve to ask why I didn't say anything, I will respond that I have nothing to say on this matter. Only once have we gone further than this. She continued to press and I told her that if she REALLY wanted my unvarnished opinion, that I would give it to her, and she did, so I did. After that, I only had to ask her if she wanted my opinion one other time and she quickley responded negatively and suggested that SHE was done with that topic! LOL > > It has taken me a long time to get to point and I thank this board, my fellow KO's and the books I have read for getting me here. CmeBfree > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.