Can only be an Example to My Siblings

[Guest guest]

Hello my new Daughters-of-BPDs-Friends!

So I called my family today to check-in (I live several states away...on purpose

of course). My mom (classic Waif/Witch personality) tells me how they just

kicked my adopted teen brother out of the house. He's had anger issues his whole

life. They took him to therapy as a kid to talk about his biological family's

abuse, but stopped after that. I tried to encourage them to keep going, but you

know how BPDs avoid therapy like a cat avoids water!

He's only gotten worse over his teen years, but my parents did nothing. My mom

told me how they just would avoid confrontation with him. My brother has

destroyed things in the house in front of my young siblings. This last time he

pushed my mom so hard she was injured.

It's tough because with parents who function out of denial and limited emotional

awareness, OF COURSE any child with a difficult background isn't going to get

enough support and help to work through their issues! And of course...they

refuse to see how they contribute to the problem.

Over the last year through therapy, I accepted part of my recovery was to stop

feeling responsible for my adopted siblings' lack of parenting.

Does I feel selfish for not getting involved? INCREDIBLY...but it's gotten

better. Because my being involved only makes matters worse. My mom gets

defensive and attacks me emotionally & verbally. She plays the victim in front

of my siblings and extended family, which just turns them against me. And the

kids get caught in the middle. It only makes things worse. And because the kids

have learned to guard their feelings from adult family members (and fear of my

mom discovering how they REALLY feel), they won't talk to me.

As I listened to my mom go off about my brother, I remained silent. Because I

kept listening to how she was making herself out as the victim " who finally

stood her ground " by kicking him out. I simply said " I'm glad there's less

stress in the house. " I know she wanted me to say, " good for you mom! "

HERE'S what I wanted to say: His behavior was unexcusable, but this is NOT all

his fault. If only you would've done family therapy as he grew up, because you

and dad played a big part in his anger, this wouldn't have happened. You didn't

care enough about him to do the tough work. You care more about having kids to

make you feel good.

BUT YOU'RE HIS MOTHER. DAD IS HIS FATHER. YOU MAKE THE HOUSE SAFE OR ABUSIVE.

Where was your sense of responsibility to my brother and the siblings been

growing up walking on pins & needles because of rage. How will this shape them

as adults? (My mom told me my little sister has been throwing up out of stress

during my brother's rages.)

As my mom said at the end, " it just hurts when kids are ungrateful for you. " It

was a jab at me too. That's my little BPD mom!

It's SO HARD. I want to scoop all of those kids up out of the house and give

them the emotional/ therapeutic support they need. But ALL I can do is take care

of myself and become an example of health to them (the most powerful thing I can

do for them). It's the kids' choice to work through their upbringing or not as

they get older.

This approach feels SO backwards. But that's how I know it's the right path.

Because it forces me to take care of ME.

Thanks for reading. It's going to be a hard next few days as I try not to engage

in my eating disorder in the attempt to numb my feelings about my family. But

I'm just going to do my best and know that's all that's needed for today.

[Guest guest]

It sounds like you've put thought into figuring out where your

priorities need to be. Taking care of yourself and setting a

healthy example for your younger siblings sounds like a good

choice. It is sad that you can't do more, but sometimes that's

just the way things are and we can't fix everything no matter

how much we want to.

At 01:55 AM 05/30/2012 peacefulwarriorwoman wrote:

>Hello my new Daughters-of-BPDs-Friends!

>

>So I called my family today to check-in (I live several states

>away...on purpose of course). My mom (classic Waif/Witch

>personality) tells me how they just kicked my adopted teen

>brother out of the house. He's had anger issues his whole life.

>They took him to therapy as a kid to talk about his biological

>family's abuse, but stopped after that. I tried to encourage

>them to keep going, but you know how BPDs avoid therapy like a

>cat avoids water!

>

>He's only gotten worse over his teen years, but my parents did

>nothing. My mom told me how they just would avoid confrontation

>with him. My brother has destroyed things in the house in front

>of my young siblings. This last time he pushed my mom so hard

>she was injured.

>

>It's tough because with parents who function out of denial and

>limited emotional awareness, OF COURSE any child with a

>difficult background isn't going to get enough support and help

>to work through their issues! And of course...they refuse to

>see how they contribute to the problem.

>

>Over the last year through therapy, I accepted part of my

>recovery was to stop feeling responsible for my adopted

>siblings' lack of parenting.

>

>Does I feel selfish for not getting involved? INCREDIBLY...but

>it's gotten better. Because my being involved only makes

>matters worse. My mom gets defensive and attacks me emotionally

>& verbally. She plays the victim in front of my siblings and

>extended family, which just turns them against me. And the

>kids get caught in the middle. It only makes things worse. And

>because the kids have learned to guard their feelings from

>adult family members (and fear of my mom discovering how they

>REALLY feel), they won't talk to me.

>

>As I listened to my mom go off about my brother, I remained

>silent. Because I kept listening to how she was making herself

>out as the victim " who finally stood her ground " by kicking him

>out. I simply said " I'm glad there's less stress in the house. "

>I know she wanted me to say, " good for you mom! "

>

>HERE'S what I wanted to say: His behavior was unexcusable, but

>this is NOT all his fault. If only you would've done family

>therapy as he grew up, because you and dad played a big part in

>his anger, this wouldn't have happened. You didn't care enough

>about him to do the tough work. You care more about having

>kids to make you feel good.

>

>BUT YOU'RE HIS MOTHER. DAD IS HIS FATHER. YOU MAKE THE HOUSE

>SAFE OR ABUSIVE. Where was your sense of responsibility to my

>brother and the siblings been growing up walking on pins &

>needles because of rage. How will this shape them as adults?

>(My mom told me my little sister has been throwing up out of

>stress during my brother's rages.)

>

>As my mom said at the end, " it just hurts when kids are

>ungrateful for you. " It was a jab at me too. That's my little

>BPD mom!

>

>It's SO HARD. I want to scoop all of those kids up out of the

>house and give them the emotional/ therapeutic support they

>need. But ALL I can do is take care of myself and become an

>example of health to them (the most powerful thing I can do for

>them). It's the kids' choice to work through their upbringing

>or not as they get older.

>

>This approach feels SO backwards. But that's how I know it's

>the right path. Because it forces me to take care of ME.

>

>Thanks for reading. It's going to be a hard next few days as I

>try not to engage in my eating disorder in the attempt to numb

>my feelings about my family. But I'm just going to do my best

>and know that's all that's needed for today.

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

PWW - Are we living parallel lives? haha

Good job. I think you're pseudonym embodies your approach perfectly! Believe me

when I say your new path will be better for you in the long run. I too stopped

playing " FOO BPD POLICE " within my dysfunctional BPD family a few years ago and

WOW! It's like a new lease on life.

My NPD brother had rages also, smashing things, really over-the-top out of

control since he was a child, and well into adulthood. The farther you get away

from it all, the better. Those little waif/witch jabs will never stop though, be

prepared, although your reaction to them will be less as time goes on.

It feels backwards? THIS IS GOOD!!! it means you're breaking out of old FOG

patterns and healing yourself. I get it. I really do, so stick to it Peace,

you're doing pretty awesome! You can't save everyone, only yourself.

>

> Hello my new Daughters-of-BPDs-Friends!

>

> So I called my family today to check-in (I live several states away...on

purpose of course). My mom (classic Waif/Witch personality) tells me how they

just kicked my adopted teen brother out of the house. He's had anger issues his

whole life. They took him to therapy as a kid to talk about his biological

family's abuse, but stopped after that. I tried to encourage them to keep going,

but you know how BPDs avoid therapy like a cat avoids water!

>

> He's only gotten worse over his teen years, but my parents did nothing. My mom

told me how they just would avoid confrontation with him. My brother has

destroyed things in the house in front of my young siblings. This last time he

pushed my mom so hard she was injured.

>

> It's tough because with parents who function out of denial and limited

emotional awareness, OF COURSE any child with a difficult background isn't going

to get enough support and help to work through their issues! And of

course...they refuse to see how they contribute to the problem.

>

> Over the last year through therapy, I accepted part of my recovery was to stop

feeling responsible for my adopted siblings' lack of parenting.

>

> Does I feel selfish for not getting involved? INCREDIBLY...but it's gotten

better. Because my being involved only makes matters worse. My mom gets

defensive and attacks me emotionally & verbally. She plays the victim in front

of my siblings and extended family, which just turns them against me. And the

kids get caught in the middle. It only makes things worse. And because the kids

have learned to guard their feelings from adult family members (and fear of my

mom discovering how they REALLY feel), they won't talk to me.

>

> As I listened to my mom go off about my brother, I remained silent. Because I

kept listening to how she was making herself out as the victim " who finally

stood her ground " by kicking him out. I simply said " I'm glad there's less

stress in the house. " I know she wanted me to say, " good for you mom! "

>

> HERE'S what I wanted to say: His behavior was unexcusable, but this is NOT all

his fault. If only you would've done family therapy as he grew up, because you

and dad played a big part in his anger, this wouldn't have happened. You didn't

care enough about him to do the tough work. You care more about having kids to

make you feel good.

>

> BUT YOU'RE HIS MOTHER. DAD IS HIS FATHER. YOU MAKE THE HOUSE SAFE OR ABUSIVE.

Where was your sense of responsibility to my brother and the siblings been

growing up walking on pins & needles because of rage. How will this shape them

as adults? (My mom told me my little sister has been throwing up out of stress

during my brother's rages.)

>

> As my mom said at the end, " it just hurts when kids are ungrateful for you. "

It was a jab at me too. That's my little BPD mom!

>

> It's SO HARD. I want to scoop all of those kids up out of the house and give

them the emotional/ therapeutic support they need. But ALL I can do is take care

of myself and become an example of health to them (the most powerful thing I can

do for them). It's the kids' choice to work through their upbringing or not as

they get older.

>

> This approach feels SO backwards. But that's how I know it's the right path.

Because it forces me to take care of ME.

>

> Thanks for reading. It's going to be a hard next few days as I try not to

engage in my eating disorder in the attempt to numb my feelings about my family.

But I'm just going to do my best and know that's all that's needed for today.

>

[Guest guest]

PWW - Are we living parallel lives? haha

Good job. I think you're pseudonym embodies your approach perfectly! Believe me

when I say your new path will be better for you in the long run. I too stopped

playing " FOO BPD POLICE " within my dysfunctional BPD family a few years ago and

WOW! It's like a new lease on life.

My NPD brother had rages also, smashing things, really over-the-top out of

control since he was a child, and well into adulthood. The farther you get away

from it all, the better. Those little waif/witch jabs will never stop though, be

prepared, although your reaction to them will be less as time goes on.

It feels backwards? THIS IS GOOD!!! it means you're breaking out of old FOG

patterns and healing yourself. I get it. I really do, so stick to it Peace,

you're doing pretty awesome! You can't save everyone, only yourself.

>

> Hello my new Daughters-of-BPDs-Friends!

>

> So I called my family today to check-in (I live several states away...on

purpose of course). My mom (classic Waif/Witch personality) tells me how they

just kicked my adopted teen brother out of the house. He's had anger issues his

whole life. They took him to therapy as a kid to talk about his biological

family's abuse, but stopped after that. I tried to encourage them to keep going,

but you know how BPDs avoid therapy like a cat avoids water!

>

> He's only gotten worse over his teen years, but my parents did nothing. My mom

told me how they just would avoid confrontation with him. My brother has

destroyed things in the house in front of my young siblings. This last time he

pushed my mom so hard she was injured.

>

> It's tough because with parents who function out of denial and limited

emotional awareness, OF COURSE any child with a difficult background isn't going

to get enough support and help to work through their issues! And of

course...they refuse to see how they contribute to the problem.

>

> Over the last year through therapy, I accepted part of my recovery was to stop

feeling responsible for my adopted siblings' lack of parenting.

>

> Does I feel selfish for not getting involved? INCREDIBLY...but it's gotten

better. Because my being involved only makes matters worse. My mom gets

defensive and attacks me emotionally & verbally. She plays the victim in front

of my siblings and extended family, which just turns them against me. And the

kids get caught in the middle. It only makes things worse. And because the kids

have learned to guard their feelings from adult family members (and fear of my

mom discovering how they REALLY feel), they won't talk to me.

>

> As I listened to my mom go off about my brother, I remained silent. Because I

kept listening to how she was making herself out as the victim " who finally

stood her ground " by kicking him out. I simply said " I'm glad there's less

stress in the house. " I know she wanted me to say, " good for you mom! "

>

> HERE'S what I wanted to say: His behavior was unexcusable, but this is NOT all

his fault. If only you would've done family therapy as he grew up, because you

and dad played a big part in his anger, this wouldn't have happened. You didn't

care enough about him to do the tough work. You care more about having kids to

make you feel good.

>

> BUT YOU'RE HIS MOTHER. DAD IS HIS FATHER. YOU MAKE THE HOUSE SAFE OR ABUSIVE.

Where was your sense of responsibility to my brother and the siblings been

growing up walking on pins & needles because of rage. How will this shape them

as adults? (My mom told me my little sister has been throwing up out of stress

during my brother's rages.)

>

> As my mom said at the end, " it just hurts when kids are ungrateful for you. "

It was a jab at me too. That's my little BPD mom!

>

> It's SO HARD. I want to scoop all of those kids up out of the house and give

them the emotional/ therapeutic support they need. But ALL I can do is take care

of myself and become an example of health to them (the most powerful thing I can

do for them). It's the kids' choice to work through their upbringing or not as

they get older.

>

> This approach feels SO backwards. But that's how I know it's the right path.

Because it forces me to take care of ME.

>

> Thanks for reading. It's going to be a hard next few days as I try not to

engage in my eating disorder in the attempt to numb my feelings about my family.

But I'm just going to do my best and know that's all that's needed for today.

>

[Guest guest]

HellFireBlonde thank you! I really needed to read that today.

Was talking with one of my other " moms " about what a release it is to

finally have a group to talk to.

It sounds like you've done some mega-work too in healing. I'd love to know

your story.

Take care,

April

On May 30, 2012 4:30 PM, " Hellfireblonde " hellfireblonde99@...>

wrote:

> **

>

>

> PWW - Are we living parallel lives? haha

>

> Good job. I think you're pseudonym embodies your approach perfectly!

> Believe me when I say your new path will be better for you in the long run.

> I too stopped playing " FOO BPD POLICE " within my dysfunctional BPD family a

> few years ago and WOW! It's like a new lease on life.

>

> My NPD brother had rages also, smashing things, really over-the-top out of

> control since he was a child, and well into adulthood. The farther you get

> away from it all, the better. Those little waif/witch jabs will never stop

> though, be prepared, although your reaction to them will be less as time

> goes on.

>

> It feels backwards? THIS IS GOOD!!! it means you're breaking out of old

> FOG patterns and healing yourself. I get it. I really do, so stick to it

> Peace, you're doing pretty awesome! You can't save everyone, only yourself.

>

>

> >

> > Hello my new Daughters-of-BPDs-Friends!

> >

> > So I called my family today to check-in (I live several states away...on

> purpose of course). My mom (classic Waif/Witch personality) tells me how

> they just kicked my adopted teen brother out of the house. He's had anger

> issues his whole life. They took him to therapy as a kid to talk about his

> biological family's abuse, but stopped after that. I tried to encourage

> them to keep going, but you know how BPDs avoid therapy like a cat avoids

> water!

> >

> > He's only gotten worse over his teen years, but my parents did nothing.

> My mom told me how they just would avoid confrontation with him. My brother

> has destroyed things in the house in front of my young siblings. This last

> time he pushed my mom so hard she was injured.

> >

> > It's tough because with parents who function out of denial and limited

> emotional awareness, OF COURSE any child with a difficult background isn't

> going to get enough support and help to work through their issues! And of

> course...they refuse to see how they contribute to the problem.

> >

> > Over the last year through therapy, I accepted part of my recovery was

> to stop feeling responsible for my adopted siblings' lack of parenting.

> >

> > Does I feel selfish for not getting involved? INCREDIBLY...but it's

> gotten better. Because my being involved only makes matters worse. My mom

> gets defensive and attacks me emotionally & verbally. She plays the victim

> in front of my siblings and extended family, which just turns them against

> me. And the kids get caught in the middle. It only makes things worse. And

> because the kids have learned to guard their feelings from adult family

> members (and fear of my mom discovering how they REALLY feel), they won't

> talk to me.

> >

> > As I listened to my mom go off about my brother, I remained silent.

> Because I kept listening to how she was making herself out as the victim

> " who finally stood her ground " by kicking him out. I simply said " I'm glad

> there's less stress in the house. " I know she wanted me to say, " good for

> you mom! "

> >

> > HERE'S what I wanted to say: His behavior was unexcusable, but this is

> NOT all his fault. If only you would've done family therapy as he grew up,

> because you and dad played a big part in his anger, this wouldn't have

> happened. You didn't care enough about him to do the tough work. You care

> more about having kids to make you feel good.

> >

> > BUT YOU'RE HIS MOTHER. DAD IS HIS FATHER. YOU MAKE THE HOUSE SAFE OR

> ABUSIVE. Where was your sense of responsibility to my brother and the

> siblings been growing up walking on pins & needles because of rage. How

> will this shape them as adults? (My mom told me my little sister has been

> throwing up out of stress during my brother's rages.)

> >

> > As my mom said at the end, " it just hurts when kids are ungrateful for

> you. " It was a jab at me too. That's my little BPD mom!

> >

> > It's SO HARD. I want to scoop all of those kids up out of the house and

> give them the emotional/ therapeutic support they need. But ALL I can do is

> take care of myself and become an example of health to them (the most

> powerful thing I can do for them). It's the kids' choice to work through

> their upbringing or not as they get older.

> >

> > This approach feels SO backwards. But that's how I know it's the right

> path. Because it forces me to take care of ME.

> >

> > Thanks for reading. It's going to be a hard next few days as I try not

> to engage in my eating disorder in the attempt to numb my feelings about my

> family. But I'm just going to do my best and know that's all that's needed

> for today.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

HellFireBlonde thank you! I really needed to read that today.

Was talking with one of my other " moms " about what a release it is to

finally have a group to talk to.

It sounds like you've done some mega-work too in healing. I'd love to know

your story.

Take care,

April

On May 30, 2012 4:30 PM, " Hellfireblonde " hellfireblonde99@...>

wrote:

> **

>

>

> PWW - Are we living parallel lives? haha

>

> Good job. I think you're pseudonym embodies your approach perfectly!

> Believe me when I say your new path will be better for you in the long run.

> I too stopped playing " FOO BPD POLICE " within my dysfunctional BPD family a

> few years ago and WOW! It's like a new lease on life.

>

> My NPD brother had rages also, smashing things, really over-the-top out of

> control since he was a child, and well into adulthood. The farther you get

> away from it all, the better. Those little waif/witch jabs will never stop

> though, be prepared, although your reaction to them will be less as time

> goes on.

>

> It feels backwards? THIS IS GOOD!!! it means you're breaking out of old

> FOG patterns and healing yourself. I get it. I really do, so stick to it

> Peace, you're doing pretty awesome! You can't save everyone, only yourself.

>

>

> >

> > Hello my new Daughters-of-BPDs-Friends!

> >

> > So I called my family today to check-in (I live several states away...on

> purpose of course). My mom (classic Waif/Witch personality) tells me how

> they just kicked my adopted teen brother out of the house. He's had anger

> issues his whole life. They took him to therapy as a kid to talk about his

> biological family's abuse, but stopped after that. I tried to encourage

> them to keep going, but you know how BPDs avoid therapy like a cat avoids

> water!

> >

> > He's only gotten worse over his teen years, but my parents did nothing.

> My mom told me how they just would avoid confrontation with him. My brother

> has destroyed things in the house in front of my young siblings. This last

> time he pushed my mom so hard she was injured.

> >

> > It's tough because with parents who function out of denial and limited

> emotional awareness, OF COURSE any child with a difficult background isn't

> going to get enough support and help to work through their issues! And of

> course...they refuse to see how they contribute to the problem.

> >

> > Over the last year through therapy, I accepted part of my recovery was

> to stop feeling responsible for my adopted siblings' lack of parenting.

> >

> > Does I feel selfish for not getting involved? INCREDIBLY...but it's

> gotten better. Because my being involved only makes matters worse. My mom

> gets defensive and attacks me emotionally & verbally. She plays the victim

> in front of my siblings and extended family, which just turns them against

> me. And the kids get caught in the middle. It only makes things worse. And

> because the kids have learned to guard their feelings from adult family

> members (and fear of my mom discovering how they REALLY feel), they won't

> talk to me.

> >

> > As I listened to my mom go off about my brother, I remained silent.

> Because I kept listening to how she was making herself out as the victim

> " who finally stood her ground " by kicking him out. I simply said " I'm glad

> there's less stress in the house. " I know she wanted me to say, " good for

> you mom! "

> >

> > HERE'S what I wanted to say: His behavior was unexcusable, but this is

> NOT all his fault. If only you would've done family therapy as he grew up,

> because you and dad played a big part in his anger, this wouldn't have

> happened. You didn't care enough about him to do the tough work. You care

> more about having kids to make you feel good.

> >

> > BUT YOU'RE HIS MOTHER. DAD IS HIS FATHER. YOU MAKE THE HOUSE SAFE OR

> ABUSIVE. Where was your sense of responsibility to my brother and the

> siblings been growing up walking on pins & needles because of rage. How

> will this shape them as adults? (My mom told me my little sister has been

> throwing up out of stress during my brother's rages.)

> >

> > As my mom said at the end, " it just hurts when kids are ungrateful for

> you. " It was a jab at me too. That's my little BPD mom!

> >

> > It's SO HARD. I want to scoop all of those kids up out of the house and

> give them the emotional/ therapeutic support they need. But ALL I can do is

> take care of myself and become an example of health to them (the most

> powerful thing I can do for them). It's the kids' choice to work through

> their upbringing or not as they get older.

> >

> > This approach feels SO backwards. But that's how I know it's the right

> path. Because it forces me to take care of ME.

> >

> > Thanks for reading. It's going to be a hard next few days as I try not

> to engage in my eating disorder in the attempt to numb my feelings about my

> family. But I'm just going to do my best and know that's all that's needed

> for today.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

HellFireBlonde thank you! I really needed to read that today.

Was talking with one of my other " moms " about what a release it is to

finally have a group to talk to.

It sounds like you've done some mega-work too in healing. I'd love to know

your story.

Take care,

April

On May 30, 2012 4:30 PM, " Hellfireblonde " hellfireblonde99@...>

wrote:

> **

>

>

> PWW - Are we living parallel lives? haha

>

> Good job. I think you're pseudonym embodies your approach perfectly!

> Believe me when I say your new path will be better for you in the long run.

> I too stopped playing " FOO BPD POLICE " within my dysfunctional BPD family a

> few years ago and WOW! It's like a new lease on life.

>

> My NPD brother had rages also, smashing things, really over-the-top out of

> control since he was a child, and well into adulthood. The farther you get

> away from it all, the better. Those little waif/witch jabs will never stop

> though, be prepared, although your reaction to them will be less as time

> goes on.

>

> It feels backwards? THIS IS GOOD!!! it means you're breaking out of old

> FOG patterns and healing yourself. I get it. I really do, so stick to it

> Peace, you're doing pretty awesome! You can't save everyone, only yourself.

>

>

> >

> > Hello my new Daughters-of-BPDs-Friends!

> >

> > So I called my family today to check-in (I live several states away...on

> purpose of course). My mom (classic Waif/Witch personality) tells me how

> they just kicked my adopted teen brother out of the house. He's had anger

> issues his whole life. They took him to therapy as a kid to talk about his

> biological family's abuse, but stopped after that. I tried to encourage

> them to keep going, but you know how BPDs avoid therapy like a cat avoids

> water!

> >

> > He's only gotten worse over his teen years, but my parents did nothing.

> My mom told me how they just would avoid confrontation with him. My brother

> has destroyed things in the house in front of my young siblings. This last

> time he pushed my mom so hard she was injured.

> >

> > It's tough because with parents who function out of denial and limited

> emotional awareness, OF COURSE any child with a difficult background isn't

> going to get enough support and help to work through their issues! And of

> course...they refuse to see how they contribute to the problem.

> >

> > Over the last year through therapy, I accepted part of my recovery was

> to stop feeling responsible for my adopted siblings' lack of parenting.

> >

> > Does I feel selfish for not getting involved? INCREDIBLY...but it's

> gotten better. Because my being involved only makes matters worse. My mom

> gets defensive and attacks me emotionally & verbally. She plays the victim

> in front of my siblings and extended family, which just turns them against

> me. And the kids get caught in the middle. It only makes things worse. And

> because the kids have learned to guard their feelings from adult family

> members (and fear of my mom discovering how they REALLY feel), they won't

> talk to me.

> >

> > As I listened to my mom go off about my brother, I remained silent.

> Because I kept listening to how she was making herself out as the victim

> " who finally stood her ground " by kicking him out. I simply said " I'm glad

> there's less stress in the house. " I know she wanted me to say, " good for

> you mom! "

> >

> > HERE'S what I wanted to say: His behavior was unexcusable, but this is

> NOT all his fault. If only you would've done family therapy as he grew up,

> because you and dad played a big part in his anger, this wouldn't have

> happened. You didn't care enough about him to do the tough work. You care

> more about having kids to make you feel good.

> >

> > BUT YOU'RE HIS MOTHER. DAD IS HIS FATHER. YOU MAKE THE HOUSE SAFE OR

> ABUSIVE. Where was your sense of responsibility to my brother and the

> siblings been growing up walking on pins & needles because of rage. How

> will this shape them as adults? (My mom told me my little sister has been

> throwing up out of stress during my brother's rages.)

> >

> > As my mom said at the end, " it just hurts when kids are ungrateful for

> you. " It was a jab at me too. That's my little BPD mom!

> >

> > It's SO HARD. I want to scoop all of those kids up out of the house and

> give them the emotional/ therapeutic support they need. But ALL I can do is

> take care of myself and become an example of health to them (the most

> powerful thing I can do for them). It's the kids' choice to work through

> their upbringing or not as they get older.

> >

> > This approach feels SO backwards. But that's how I know it's the right

> path. Because it forces me to take care of ME.

> >

> > Thanks for reading. It's going to be a hard next few days as I try not

> to engage in my eating disorder in the attempt to numb my feelings about my

> family. But I'm just going to do my best and know that's all that's needed

> for today.

> >

>

>

>