needing a few words of encouragement...

May 31, 2012

As you may or may not know I moved up here a year ago to care for ill nada

(before I even knew she was a nada) Moving in with her brought back and out

a lot of behaviors I spent all my life thinking to be mere alcoholism. Since

coming back the I have learned about BPD / NPD and made some sense out of

all the ways it has affected me and why I am the way I am. I don't see this

as all bad. I have been learning to deal with Nada and am becoming somewhat

unglued from the enmeshment I didn't even know I suffered with (other than

HOPPING RIGHT TO WHENEVER NEEDED!!! And knowing there was something wrong

with that).

Anyway - I am having a hell of a time finding a job. I am 45 with a good

professional background and my confidence is getting shaky. I have been

playing nurse and housewife for a year to somebody who is quite skilled at

making you feel like an idiot and the time off is looking bad to employers I

guess.

Need some kind words that all will be fine and I will not end up greeting at

walmart or homeless because I moved up here to help nada when she fell ill..

Errrr - this is hard!

May 31, 2012

Hi ,

My nada died in 2010 after a horrible cancer (most people die within a few

months of diagnosis of her type, in true nada form she hung on for 2 years, even

though she had a horrible mental outlook the whole time. Go figure). Anyway,

like you, I started REALLY learning about BPD and realizing the abuse I endured

shortly before she became sick. She sicker she got, the more she demanded and of

course in her mind I became a horrible daughter because I could not submit to

her every whim, however ridiculous it was. It was horrible. Since she has died I

have had a lot of time to reflect on all of this. I suffer from low confidence

at times, and I obsessively worry about what others are thinking about me. But

deep down I know I am a really strong person. I was mentally abused by the most

manipulative person for over 30 years and I survived. YOU are surviving. You are

learning to detangle yourself from the awful web and set boundaries, right?

Maybe this experience is what it took for you to start this process. It's hard

for everyone to find jobs right now, not just you. A job will come along. But

never doubt your strength. You are functioning and that's huge given the fact

that you are the child of a BPD. I know I have what it takes to cope and survive

and get past this all. The abuse was horrible, but it made me who I am today,

and I am proud I survived and am giving my kids the unconditional love I never

had. You should be proud too. You're going to be OK. Just have faith and keep

trying. Maybe try some daily affirmations- I resisted doing these for so long

because they felt cheesy to me, but it actually really works. Maybe say, " I am

strong, confident and good at what I do. I will find a job. " When you feel

confident this will come across in your interview, giving you a positive edge.

>

> As you may or may not know I moved up here a year ago to care for ill nada

> (before I even knew she was a nada) Moving in with her brought back and out

> a lot of behaviors I spent all my life thinking to be mere alcoholism. Since

> coming back the I have learned about BPD / NPD and made some sense out of

> all the ways it has affected me and why I am the way I am. I don't see this

> as all bad. I have been learning to deal with Nada and am becoming somewhat

> unglued from the enmeshment I didn't even know I suffered with (other than

> HOPPING RIGHT TO WHENEVER NEEDED!!! And knowing there was something wrong

> with that).

>

> Anyway - I am having a hell of a time finding a job. I am 45 with a good

> professional background and my confidence is getting shaky. I have been

> playing nurse and housewife for a year to somebody who is quite skilled at

> making you feel like an idiot and the time off is looking bad to employers I

> guess.

>

> Need some kind words that all will be fine and I will not end up greeting at

> walmart or homeless because I moved up here to help nada when she fell ill..

>

> Errrr - this is hard!

>

May 31, 2012

Hey ,

You're definitely going to be okay... it sounds like you have some seriously

well developed survivor skills (not to mention good karma!) from taking care of

someone who unfortunately isn't emotionally healthy enough to tell you how

awesome you are for putting your life on hold like that. Let's face the fact

that a healthy mom should and would tell you every day how much she appreciated

you, how good of a daughter you are, and how much you deserve good things in

life. But that's not what many of us here get unfortunately. You deserve it

though - and if it doesn't come from her, then we'll tell you and hopefully it's

something you can tell yourself. That you're going to be okay. You've overcome

worse. And you deserve an employer who will appreciate you for the hard

working, good hearted, capable person you are. Keep at it - you'll definitely

succeed.

xoxo

Bree