Guest guest Posted June 1, 2012 Report Share Posted June 1, 2012 Hi everyone, Before I started reading too into the messages, I just wanted to introduce myself. I am , an 19 year old girl living with a " loosely " diagnosed BPD mother. By loosely I mean she has no intent to ever seek treatment, however, her actions do strongly align with that of a BPD parent. I have just begun my journey in seeking therapy to heal the wounds she has left, but I am unfortunately stuck in the current living conditions with her until I either complete college or my father divorces her. As a child I can remember being yelled at for things I didn't do, being told she should have had an abortion with me, how many things were my fault, screaming, yelling, all sorts of emotional abuse that children shouldn't withstand. It wasn't until about 2 years ago that I started to notice this wasn't normal, and my extended family and father began to discuss that my mom wasn't right in the head and that I should not take everything she says seriously. The rational, logical part of my brain knows she is not right, and that I have achieved many things in my life, however, there is still the self loathing and hatred that has produced such a great anxiety that it is nearly debilitating at times. As I begin my journey to get healthy for myself, with my boyfriend, I have decided to seek out support after doing research online. If anyone can offer advice, support or even an understanding ear, it would be amazing. Because right now I feel trapped in a burning building, I can either jump out of the window completely unprepared or I can continue to wait for the flames to die out. Thank you all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 3, 2012 Report Share Posted June 3, 2012 you can move out if you need to. DH and I manged to both get degrees, have a baby, and pay for it ourselves on one part time income without debt. we would work really long hrs. in the summer months and he worked part time during school. It is probably even easier if you are by yourself. you may be told you can't (I was told that about a lot of things) but your mother can't know what you can't do. I am glad you are starting your healing at 19. I started a few years, and a few kids later. you survived so much already you can do this too. I wish you luck in a hard process. I am plowing through myself. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to be told so harshly that you were unwanted. Those things sound like she found parenthood too hard and refused to take credit for her own struggle. That is one of those things that is so easy to see, but so hard not to take personally. allow your feelings, whatever they are. a healthy dose of reality has been a huge trial for me, but I feel like I see the world with new eyes, and that I am a more kind and compassionate person. you did not set the house on fire. you can never be prepared. just jump. we will be here for you. Meikjn > > Hi everyone, > > Before I started reading too into the messages, I just wanted to introduce myself. I am , an 19 year old girl living with a " loosely " diagnosed BPD mother. By loosely I mean she has no intent to ever seek treatment, however, her actions do strongly align with that of a BPD parent. > > I have just begun my journey in seeking therapy to heal the wounds she has left, but I am unfortunately stuck in the current living conditions with her until I either complete college or my father divorces her. > > As a child I can remember being yelled at for things I didn't do, being told she should have had an abortion with me, how many things were my fault, screaming, yelling, all sorts of emotional abuse that children shouldn't withstand. > > It wasn't until about 2 years ago that I started to notice this wasn't normal, and my extended family and father began to discuss that my mom wasn't right in the head and that I should not take everything she says seriously. > > The rational, logical part of my brain knows she is not right, and that I have achieved many things in my life, however, there is still the self loathing and hatred that has produced such a great anxiety that it is nearly debilitating at times. > > As I begin my journey to get healthy for myself, with my boyfriend, I have decided to seek out support after doing research online. If anyone can offer advice, support or even an understanding ear, it would be amazing. Because right now I feel trapped in a burning building, I can either jump out of the window completely unprepared or I can continue to wait for the flames to die out. > > Thank you all > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 4, 2012 Report Share Posted June 4, 2012 Welcome to the group, It has been very good for me and I think you will benefit greatly. You are very fortunate you have caught this early and by early, i, mean you are only 19. I was 42 before I saw what was going on. I tried to move out when I was 18, to be on my own. I told my mom and she quickly reminded me that this was NOT " allowed " . I was not smart enough or capable to survive on my own with out her. How could I even think about abandoning her! To make a long story short, at 35 years of age, with my husband and 2 kids, I moved across the country. 3 thousand miles away. She got so nasty. Here is the point. When I moved, my anxiety went away. I no longer had to be medicated to function. I say get out while you can. Don't wait for it to be " allowed " . It never will be. Also if you havent done so already I reccomend you read thebook " Stop walking on eggshells " by T. Mason and Randi Kreger. Mici Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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