Confused about what to do

[Guest guest]

Hello KOs, I have a dilemma, would appreciate input. After blissful NC for about

7 years, suddenly a law firm is trying to track me down and bugging my friends

who are sworn to secrecy in the process. The story is this...

After neatly and cleanly cutting me out of fada's will, nada has now decided to

put her own affairs in order. Sadly, it has been discovered that I really WASN'T

cut out so neatly and cleanly. No, my name still remains on one pesky deed to a

little cabin--just me, nada and my violent-and-abusive-to-me brother. My brother

was " used " by nada to keep me in line and silenced when I was a child with

punching, hitting, daily verbal abuse/humiliation and even getting thrown down

the basement stairs. This was all passed off as " teasing. "

Anyway, now the law firm is trying to get hold of me so I can sign off on that

deed and Nada will be able to dispose of the property. They grudgingly allow

that I will even " receive a portion of the proceeds if I require. " Yes, you

heard right: If I absolutely insist on getting money from a piece of property I

legally own, they will actually give me a portion of the money from its sale IF

I REQUIRE. As you can tell from this wording, Nada and brother have been very

busy indeed down at this law firm, bringing them all around to their way if

seeing things.

My instinct is to keep ignoring this firm until they register me as unfindable

and Nada can stuff the cabin up her own rectum if she chooses. Another part of

me is tempted to write a letter to the law firm telling them the reasons I've

outlined above as to why I don't want to be reached. What this would do is " out "

Nada and brother, and relieve me of my secret abuse to another entity. I don't

care if the law firm is sympathetic. They would at least see how dysfunctional

this family is and know WHY I have disappeared with almost no trace. However, I

know things don't end there. It would open me to Nada tentacles. I already know

how good she is at manipulating others to see that I'm bad and crazy. That's the

downside. I guess the upside is that finally I would have some power, I would

force them to respect my say in the disposal of the cabin, even though I'm sure

they would find a way to cheat me from my share.

Anyway, that's my dilemma. All comments gratefully accepted.

AFB

[Guest guest]

It won't do you any good to try to convince your mother's attorneys that she is

abusive or crazy. They don't really care. Their job is to represent HER legal

interests (and collect their fees). They don't really care about yours, and

you're not going to get validation from them.

I would consult an attorney of my own, personally. That would help whether you

want to be left alone or have advice on whether to sign any papers at all.

[Guest guest]

AFB,

It sounds to me like you need to hire your own law firm to deal

with your nada's law firm, eliminating any direct contact and

making sure that your interests are protected.

Ignoring the problem won't make it go away but it will leave you

worrying about it for a longer period of time.

At 07:17 PM 06/03/2012 awayfromborderland wrote:

>Hello KOs, I have a dilemma, would appreciate input. After

>blissful NC for about 7 years, suddenly a law firm is trying to

>track me down and bugging my friends who are sworn to secrecy

>in the process. The story is this...

>

>After neatly and cleanly cutting me out of fada's will, nada

>has now decided to put her own affairs in order. Sadly, it has

>been discovered that I really WASN'T cut out so neatly and

>cleanly. No, my name still remains on one pesky deed to a

>little cabin--just me, nada and my violent-and-abusive-to-me

>brother. My brother was " used " by nada to keep me in line and

>silenced when I was a child with punching, hitting, daily

>verbal abuse/humiliation and even getting thrown down the

>basement stairs. This was all passed off as " teasing. "

>

>Anyway, now the law firm is trying to get hold of me so I can

>sign off on that deed and Nada will be able to dispose of the

>property. They grudgingly allow that I will even " receive a

>portion of the proceeds if I require. " Yes, you heard right: If

>I absolutely insist on getting money from a piece of property I

>legally own, they will actually give me a portion of the money

>from its sale IF I REQUIRE. As you can tell from this wording,

>Nada and brother have been very busy indeed down at this law

>firm, bringing them all around to their way if seeing things.

>

>My instinct is to keep ignoring this firm until they register

>me as unfindable and Nada can stuff the cabin up her own rectum

>if she chooses. Another part of me is tempted to write a letter

>to the law firm telling them the reasons I've outlined above as

>to why I don't want to be reached. What this would do is " out "

>Nada and brother, and relieve me of my secret abuse to another

>entity. I don't care if the law firm is sympathetic. They would

>at least see how dysfunctional this family is and know WHY I

>have disappeared with almost no trace. However, I know things

>don't end there. It would open me to Nada tentacles. I already

>know how good she is at manipulating others to see that I'm bad

>and crazy. That's the downside. I guess the upside is that

>finally I would have some power, I would force them to respect

>my say in the disposal of the cabin, even though I'm sure they

>would find a way to cheat me from my share.

>

>Anyway, that's my dilemma. All comments gratefully accepted.

>AFB

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry your family had been so horrible to you... I definitely agree you

should hire your own attorney to take care of your needs / interests - you can

have your attorney contact your nada and family while keeping your whereabouts

and contact information anonymous and confidential. If you hire an attorney

located a good distance away from you, they won't even have a clue where you

are. Good luck - keep us posted on how it goes and what you decide to do.

[Guest guest]

You can hire an attorney to contact the other firm on your behalf. You

can specify to your attorney that

A. Under no circumstances will you have direct contact with the

principals ( nada and brother)

B. You want an independant appraisal of the property prior to giving

permission to dispose of it.

Consult your lawyer on this, but I think if you sign the deed, unless

you have a written contract, the other partial owners can simply sell

it, leaving you to have to sue and be in touch with them in order to

collect. Even if you have a contract, you will have to be in contact,

if through your lawyers, in order to collect, or even know when they

sell. If they choose to sell with your signature on the deed, again

absent a contract there is nothing to prevent them from selling it for a

dollar and sending you 33 cents.

Ways around this:

1. Get an appraisal. Have your lawyer pay for it and bill you for it,

so you do not have even indirect contact. This will cost you about 200

bucks.

Based on the appraisal, have your lawyer tell her lawyer that either one

or both of them may buy out your share and then dispose of it as they

wish. They may have to take a loan to do so, but so what? You are not

here to make it convenient for them. If they choose to take a loan on

the cabin to buy you out, it can all be set up but not finalized until

closing, at your lawyer s office. You need never see either of them.

Alternatively, should they refuse, or state that they will pay you after

the sale, check on your rights to sell your share to a 3rd party. If

you can, and you do, negotiations regarding use or sale then is between

them and that party. A realtor or investor might be interested in such

a deal.

Another alternative, if they refuse both of these, is to suggest which 4

months of the year you wish to use the cabin. Then rent it out. Remind

them ( through your lawyer, of course,) that they will, of course, be

responsible for thier third of taxes, insurance, and upkeep. You could

also have your lawyer assert, on your behalf, that since you were not

informed previously, you are entitled to one third of the fair use value

of the cabin from the time your fada s will was executed to now.

In short, you are one third owner of a piece of real property. You can

have a lawyer protect your rights and assure that you get a reasonable

value in return. If, after the appraisal it turns out to be worthless,

you can thank the lawyer and just drop the matter, or try to recover

your investment money.

But, in that they did not make the effort to tell you in the past 7

years, depriving you of the use of your property, or the chance to offer

it to them for sale, I would not be inclined to just give it away.

Another alternative would be to appraise it, then offer to buy them out,

if you are so inclined. But I would use a lawyer to find out the real

value of your one third ownership, INSIST on a copy of the will, and the

deed, and have your attorney lay out your options.

Of all these, my preference would be to have nada and brother buy you

out before disposing of the property. Neat and clean. Check on your

lawyers desk. You sign the deed or a quit claim. He hands you the

check. You cash it. You never have any contact with them or their

attorneys.

If you sign before you see the cash, your odds of being cheated or drawn

into the drama of Momma of much higher.

For what it s worth. Good luck

Doug

>

> Hello KOs, I have a dilemma, would appreciate input. After blissful NC

for about 7 years, suddenly a law firm is trying to track me down and

bugging my friends who are sworn to secrecy in the process. The story is

this...

>

> After neatly and cleanly cutting me out of fada's will, nada has now

decided to put her own affairs in order. Sadly, it has been discovered

that I really WASN'T cut out so neatly and cleanly. No, my name still

remains on one pesky deed to a little cabin--just me, nada and my

violent-and-abusive-to-me brother. My brother was " used " by nada to keep

me in line and silenced when I was a child with punching, hitting, daily

verbal abuse/humiliation and even getting thrown down the basement

stairs. This was all passed off as " teasing. "

>

> Anyway, now the law firm is trying to get hold of me so I can sign off

on that deed and Nada will be able to dispose of the property. They

grudgingly allow that I will even " receive a portion of the proceeds if

I require. " Yes, you heard right: If I absolutely insist on getting

money from a piece of property I legally own, they will actually give me

a portion of the money from its sale IF I REQUIRE. As you can tell from

this wording, Nada and brother have been very busy indeed down at this

law firm, bringing them all around to their way if seeing things.

>

> My instinct is to keep ignoring this firm until they register me as

unfindable and Nada can stuff the cabin up her own rectum if she

chooses. Another part of me is tempted to write a letter to the law firm

telling them the reasons I've outlined above as to why I don't want to

be reached. What this would do is " out " Nada and brother, and relieve me

of my secret abuse to another entity. I don't care if the law firm is

sympathetic. They would at least see how dysfunctional this family is

and know WHY I have disappeared with almost no trace. However, I know

things don't end there. It would open me to Nada tentacles. I already

know how good she is at manipulating others to see that I'm bad and

crazy. That's the downside. I guess the upside is that finally I would

have some power, I would force them to respect my say in the disposal of

the cabin, even though I'm sure they would find a way to cheat me from

my share.

>

> Anyway, that's my dilemma. All comments gratefully accepted.

> AFB

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you everybody who responded to my request for advice and thank you Doug

for this very helpful step-by-step. For the second day in a row I'm unable to

work from this anxiety, but I can feel acceptance starting to bubble up, and

along with it, clarity on a way to proceed.

My headache, aching jaws and teeth (upon awakening) and anxiety are partly due

to the fact that I thought my days like this were all over. With Nada now 85

years old and Fada dead, I thought my NC was a cakewalk, a certainty, a sure

thing. Instead, I find Nada and my brother as deadly and vicious a duo as they

ever were and even worse, they need me more than ever. Those two have no

friends, and no relatives that really want to bother with them. The more I think

about it, the more I believe I was left on this final, piddly piece of property

so I could be reeled back in with no substantial monetary risk. The fact that

their lawyer has proposed that I simply sign off on the deed and then get paid

later, IF I REQUIRE (their words) instead of offering to buy me out, which is

what people do when they're done with wrangling and simply want to conclude a

business deal, shows me that abusing me and being spiteful toward me takes

precedence over any legalities here. I'm pretty sure that the first option a

lawyer would have proposed is a buyout, and I'm almost certain Nada rejected

that--it would have been too clean and easy. Believe me, there's PLENTY of money

to buy out my share of this little cabin.

Today, my shock and hurt are transforming into anger, which is a good sign,

because I can think through anger better than shock and hurt. Still dealing with

" I can't believe this is happening again, " but hopefully that will have

transformed by the end of the day, too. The effort of finding a lawyer who will

be able to grasp what I'm actually dealing with is giving me a headache from the

top of my head to mid-shoulders, and I'm praying for relief. Maybe I have to

look at my 7 years of NC as a blissful rest, a wonderful respite to heal and

gather strength, before a final battle with the Deadly Duo.

Thanks for the great advice and thanks for listening.

AFB

[Guest guest]

Only you can know whether pursuing getting your share of the sale of the

property is worth the physical and emotional pain of resuming contact with your

toxic mother and brother, even if the contact is indirect: handled through

lawyers.

Its a very personal decision (is the amount of money involved worth the

aggravation /trauma of securing it?) and only you can decide what the best

course of action will be for you and your peace of mind.

-Annie

>

> Thank you everybody who responded to my request for advice and thank you Doug

for this very helpful step-by-step. For the second day in a row I'm unable to

work from this anxiety, but I can feel acceptance starting to bubble up, and

along with it, clarity on a way to proceed.

>

> My headache, aching jaws and teeth (upon awakening) and anxiety are partly due

to the fact that I thought my days like this were all over. With Nada now 85

years old and Fada dead, I thought my NC was a cakewalk, a certainty, a sure

thing. Instead, I find Nada and my brother as deadly and vicious a duo as they

ever were and even worse, they need me more than ever. Those two have no

friends, and no relatives that really want to bother with them. The more I think

about it, the more I believe I was left on this final, piddly piece of property

so I could be reeled back in with no substantial monetary risk. The fact that

their lawyer has proposed that I simply sign off on the deed and then get paid

later, IF I REQUIRE (their words) instead of offering to buy me out, which is

what people do when they're done with wrangling and simply want to conclude a

business deal, shows me that abusing me and being spiteful toward me takes

precedence over any legalities here. I'm pretty sure that the first option a

lawyer would have proposed is a buyout, and I'm almost certain Nada rejected

that--it would have been too clean and easy. Believe me, there's PLENTY of money

to buy out my share of this little cabin.

>

> Today, my shock and hurt are transforming into anger, which is a good sign,

because I can think through anger better than shock and hurt. Still dealing with

" I can't believe this is happening again, " but hopefully that will have

transformed by the end of the day, too. The effort of finding a lawyer who will

be able to grasp what I'm actually dealing with is giving me a headache from the

top of my head to mid-shoulders, and I'm praying for relief. Maybe I have to

look at my 7 years of NC as a blissful rest, a wonderful respite to heal and

gather strength, before a final battle with the Deadly Duo.

>

> Thanks for the great advice and thanks for listening.

> AFB

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie, you (and others) make excellent points. After days of lying around

incapacitated because my mental state was blown wide open, I knew I had to do

something. So I asked myself, " What would I do if this were a business deal?

What if two old business partners surfaced and revealed that I still owned a

piece of some property that they wanted to dispose of? " When I thought of it

like that, suddenly the answers were clear. (There's something about thinking of

those nasty two as " family " that completely screws up my logical thinking.)

I put out a few feelers and came up with names for lawyers. But that didn't feel

safe enough for me. I didn't want to go over all this crap with a stranger who

might side with nada and " feel sorry for her. " I settled upon a retired pal who

has plenty of business experience as well as family probate and will knowledge.

He is not a lawyer but a very shrew negotiator in real estate. We met for coffee

today to " come up with a strategy. " The first thing he advised me to do was to

set up a new email account that he could use, and that he would contact nada's

lawyer on my behalf so that they would have notice that I had received their

communications about my co-ownership of the properties. We are currently

drafting the first email together which requests a copy of the will (pertaining

to the properties), as well as asking what the current appraised value is of the

properties. (We are expecting some tap dancing in this area, but at least it's

an opener.) My pal has agreed that we can use his mailing address for any

documents and a clear path to me will be untraceable.

I feel much better having taken some steps and that I have a " buffer " between me

and nada and her hired flying monkeys. If I need to lawyer-up as we go along, I

will. But it seems like if we can acquire our own independent appraisal, we

should be able to handle this possibly right up until the very end, which will

save on legal fees. I also love the idea of nada and brother knowing that I have

my own peeps in my corner and I'm not opting to deal with them one-on-one.

They're not going to get their hooks into me! Taking solid steps to protect

myself, as well as claiming property that is legally mine feels really, really

empowering. If they get ornery and don't want to give me anything, so be it.

Good luck trying to sell a property without a clear title of ownership--they'll

be keeping it forever.

And that's the latest.

AFB

> >

> > Thank you everybody who responded to my request for advice and thank you

Doug for this very helpful step-by-step. For the second day in a row I'm unable

to work from this anxiety, but I can feel acceptance starting to bubble up, and

along with it, clarity on a way to proceed.

> >

> > My headache, aching jaws and teeth (upon awakening) and anxiety are partly

due to the fact that I thought my days like this were all over. With Nada now 85

years old and Fada dead, I thought my NC was a cakewalk, a certainty, a sure

thing. Instead, I find Nada and my brother as deadly and vicious a duo as they

ever were and even worse, they need me more than ever. Those two have no

friends, and no relatives that really want to bother with them. The more I think

about it, the more I believe I was left on this final, piddly piece of property

so I could be reeled back in with no substantial monetary risk. The fact that

their lawyer has proposed that I simply sign off on the deed and then get paid

later, IF I REQUIRE (their words) instead of offering to buy me out, which is

what people do when they're done with wrangling and simply want to conclude a

business deal, shows me that abusing me and being spiteful toward me takes

precedence over any legalities here. I'm pretty sure that the first option a

lawyer would have proposed is a buyout, and I'm almost certain Nada rejected

that--it would have been too clean and easy. Believe me, there's PLENTY of money

to buy out my share of this little cabin.

> >

> > Today, my shock and hurt are transforming into anger, which is a good sign,

because I can think through anger better than shock and hurt. Still dealing with

" I can't believe this is happening again, " but hopefully that will have

transformed by the end of the day, too. The effort of finding a lawyer who will

be able to grasp what I'm actually dealing with is giving me a headache from the

top of my head to mid-shoulders, and I'm praying for relief. Maybe I have to

look at my 7 years of NC as a blissful rest, a wonderful respite to heal and

gather strength, before a final battle with the Deadly Duo.

> >

> > Thanks for the great advice and thanks for listening.

> > AFB

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That is AWESOMELY empowered strategizing, AFB! I am so happy for you; big

virtual high-five from me! )))))SMAK!(((((

You GO, Grrrrl!

-Annie

>

> Hi Annie, you (and others) make excellent points. After days of lying around

incapacitated because my mental state was blown wide open, I knew I had to do

something. So I asked myself, " What would I do if this were a business deal?

What if two old business partners surfaced and revealed that I still owned a

piece of some property that they wanted to dispose of? " When I thought of it

like that, suddenly the answers were clear. (There's something about thinking of

those nasty two as " family " that completely screws up my logical thinking.)

>

> I put out a few feelers and came up with names for lawyers. But that didn't

feel safe enough for me. I didn't want to go over all this crap with a stranger

who might side with nada and " feel sorry for her. " I settled upon a retired pal

who has plenty of business experience as well as family probate and will

knowledge. He is not a lawyer but a very shrew negotiator in real estate. We met

for coffee today to " come up with a strategy. " The first thing he advised me to

do was to set up a new email account that he could use, and that he would

contact nada's lawyer on my behalf so that they would have notice that I had

received their communications about my co-ownership of the properties. We are

currently drafting the first email together which requests a copy of the will

(pertaining to the properties), as well as asking what the current appraised

value is of the properties. (We are expecting some tap dancing in this area, but

at least it's an opener.) My pal has agreed that we can use his mailing address

for any documents and a clear path to me will be untraceable.

>

> I feel much better having taken some steps and that I have a " buffer " between

me and nada and her hired flying monkeys. If I need to lawyer-up as we go along,

I will. But it seems like if we can acquire our own independent appraisal, we

should be able to handle this possibly right up until the very end, which will

save on legal fees. I also love the idea of nada and brother knowing that I have

my own peeps in my corner and I'm not opting to deal with them one-on-one.

They're not going to get their hooks into me! Taking solid steps to protect

myself, as well as claiming property that is legally mine feels really, really

empowering. If they get ornery and don't want to give me anything, so be it.

Good luck trying to sell a property without a clear title of ownership--they'll

be keeping it forever.

>

> And that's the latest.

> AFB

[Guest guest]

If you contact the law firm at all (IF) I highly recommend doing it thru your

own lawyer that will make it abundantly CLEAR that if any of your own personal

information is given to your nada or brother that they will be SUED. IF your

father wanted you to have that and he made sure it was deeded solely to you, I

would claim ownership thru a lawyer and sell it if you wish or keep for the

future. Again, consult a lawyer to figure out how to keep your information

private if possible. I saw that you refer to your father as fada. I assume you

were not close to him either. Even if you don't want anything to do with the

property, I would still consult a lawyer, just to be safe. IMHO. C

>

> Hello KOs, I have a dilemma, would appreciate input. After blissful NC for

about 7 years, suddenly a law firm is trying to track me down and bugging my

friends who are sworn to secrecy in the process. The story is this...

>

> After neatly and cleanly cutting me out of fada's will, nada has now decided

to put her own affairs in order. Sadly, it has been discovered that I really

WASN'T cut out so neatly and cleanly. No, my name still remains on one pesky

deed to a little cabin--just me, nada and my violent-and-abusive-to-me brother.

My brother was " used " by nada to keep me in line and silenced when I was a child

with punching, hitting, daily verbal abuse/humiliation and even getting thrown

down the basement stairs. This was all passed off as " teasing. "

>

> Anyway, now the law firm is trying to get hold of me so I can sign off on that

deed and Nada will be able to dispose of the property. They grudgingly allow

that I will even " receive a portion of the proceeds if I require. " Yes, you

heard right: If I absolutely insist on getting money from a piece of property I

legally own, they will actually give me a portion of the money from its sale IF

I REQUIRE. As you can tell from this wording, Nada and brother have been very

busy indeed down at this law firm, bringing them all around to their way if

seeing things.

>

> My instinct is to keep ignoring this firm until they register me as unfindable

and Nada can stuff the cabin up her own rectum if she chooses. Another part of

me is tempted to write a letter to the law firm telling them the reasons I've

outlined above as to why I don't want to be reached. What this would do is " out "

Nada and brother, and relieve me of my secret abuse to another entity. I don't

care if the law firm is sympathetic. They would at least see how dysfunctional

this family is and know WHY I have disappeared with almost no trace. However, I

know things don't end there. It would open me to Nada tentacles. I already know

how good she is at manipulating others to see that I'm bad and crazy. That's the

downside. I guess the upside is that finally I would have some power, I would

force them to respect my say in the disposal of the cabin, even though I'm sure

they would find a way to cheat me from my share.

>

> Anyway, that's my dilemma. All comments gratefully accepted.

> AFB

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie, CmeBfree and everybody,

Thanks for following the drama. Nada has lawyered-up real good and her lawyer

has asked me to " sign back " the property deed to nada so she can sell the

property and pay me a portion " if I require. " That was the first sign that

nada's lawyer was out to screw me. Since when does someone legally owning a

share of property get offered payment " if they require? " How nuts is that? The

normal procedure would be to offer to buy my share of the property out, so nada

can dispose of it as she wished. But no, everything is proceeding according to

" BPD rules " which means all for nada and none for me (of course).

I did the right thing in asking for help from a wise and well-experienced

businessman pal rather than a lawyer I didn't know. He saw through this in a

heartbeat, and contacted the lawyer on my behalf asking to know the current

appraised value of the property. Nada's lawyer had the balls to write back and

claim that the assessed tax value was widely accepted as the value of the

property. WHAT A JOKE AND A LIE! My pal immediately got online and determined

that market values in the area are 2.38 times HIGHER than assessed values for

taxation purposes. Also, thanks to the great advice of DOUG from this WTO board,

my pal also requested a copy of the will as pertains to the property which sent

the Lyin' Lawyer scrambling to get it from nada (we have not received it yet.)

I' sure this request will send nada over the moon. She LOVES keeping all affairs

secret and witholding info so it all has to go through her.

We have also determined from an online search that the property (with my name on

the deed) has been for sale about a year. Probably, the only reason I have been

contacted is because the deed is " clouded " (my name on the deed would be the

cloud) and they NEED me now to make a sale.

The pal who is representing me was very careful about the language he used with

the lawyer and carefully edited some of my suggestions to make them " stronger. "

I was quite amazed with his approach and can see that I have a much stronger

hand to play with him helping me. The other thing I love is that nada has been

told she is dealing with my " advisor " and not with me. If nada knows I have my

own team in place, she will feel much less secure about her usual manipulations.

At times I feel strong, but to tell you guys the truth, my brain is quite fuzzy

now that my hard-won NC has been broken and nada is back in my life. I messed up

an appointment time with a client and also went to Costco and came home with

only half the items I needed. My lower back and neck are threatening to go

out--back when I was in contact with nada and brother, I needed a chiropractor

on a weekly basis or more. Once I went NC, I didn't need chiro either. But here

I am again, all bent out of shape.

I really don't know how this will end up. As everybody on this board knows,

nothing happens logically in Oz. The expedient thing to do would be for nada to

offer to buy my portion of ownership out based on current market value and we

could have this sewn up by next week. But BPD logic will most likely prevail and

this could drag out for decades. I guess the factors in my corner are that

everyone around nada likely wants to see the property sold, and they will likely

urge her to a buyout. If she refuses, then as Doug wisely points out, I have a

share of " fair use " and if the place gets rented out, I also deserve a share of

those proceeds. Nada seems stuck with me no matter what she decides and when she

passes away, then I get even MORE of it, because then only my brother and I will

be alive with our names on the deed.

Sorry for the length of this, but I intend to chronicle the goings-on here

because I know many, many split-black children are screwed out of their rightful

inheritance by BPD parents. If my strategy can help anybody else out there, I am

happy.

Thanks for listening,

AFB

[Guest guest]

Keeping my fingers crossed for you that this can be resolved quickly, so that

you can resume NC with your nada and regain your health and peace of mind. Good

on you and your friend for demanding that nada (and her lawyer) play by the

rules and thumb's up for having the courage to protect and defend your legal

rights, instead of just rolling over and letting nada take your inheritance away

from you.

Brava!

-Annie

>

> Hi Annie, CmeBfree and everybody,

> Thanks for following the drama. Nada has lawyered-up real good and her lawyer

has asked me to " sign back " the property deed to nada so she can sell the

property and pay me a portion " if I require. " That was the first sign that

nada's lawyer was out to screw me. Since when does someone legally owning a

share of property get offered payment " if they require? " How nuts is that? The

normal procedure would be to offer to buy my share of the property out, so nada

can dispose of it as she wished. But no, everything is proceeding according to

" BPD rules " which means all for nada and none for me (of course).

>

> I did the right thing in asking for help from a wise and well-experienced

businessman pal rather than a lawyer I didn't know. He saw through this in a

heartbeat, and contacted the lawyer on my behalf asking to know the current

appraised value of the property. Nada's lawyer had the balls to write back and

claim that the assessed tax value was widely accepted as the value of the

property. WHAT A JOKE AND A LIE! My pal immediately got online and determined

that market values in the area are 2.38 times HIGHER than assessed values for

taxation purposes. Also, thanks to the great advice of DOUG from this WTO board,

my pal also requested a copy of the will as pertains to the property which sent

the Lyin' Lawyer scrambling to get it from nada (we have not received it yet.)

I' sure this request will send nada over the moon. She LOVES keeping all affairs

secret and witholding info so it all has to go through her.

>

> We have also determined from an online search that the property (with my name

on the deed) has been for sale about a year. Probably, the only reason I have

been contacted is because the deed is " clouded " (my name on the deed would be

the cloud) and they NEED me now to make a sale.

>

> The pal who is representing me was very careful about the language he used

with the lawyer and carefully edited some of my suggestions to make them

" stronger. " I was quite amazed with his approach and can see that I have a much

stronger hand to play with him helping me. The other thing I love is that nada

has been told she is dealing with my " advisor " and not with me. If nada knows I

have my own team in place, she will feel much less secure about her usual

manipulations.

>

> At times I feel strong, but to tell you guys the truth, my brain is quite

fuzzy now that my hard-won NC has been broken and nada is back in my life. I

messed up an appointment time with a client and also went to Costco and came

home with only half the items I needed. My lower back and neck are threatening

to go out--back when I was in contact with nada and brother, I needed a

chiropractor on a weekly basis or more. Once I went NC, I didn't need chiro

either. But here I am again, all bent out of shape.

>

> I really don't know how this will end up. As everybody on this board knows,

nothing happens logically in Oz. The expedient thing to do would be for nada to

offer to buy my portion of ownership out based on current market value and we

could have this sewn up by next week. But BPD logic will most likely prevail and

this could drag out for decades. I guess the factors in my corner are that

everyone around nada likely wants to see the property sold, and they will likely

urge her to a buyout. If she refuses, then as Doug wisely points out, I have a

share of " fair use " and if the place gets rented out, I also deserve a share of

those proceeds. Nada seems stuck with me no matter what she decides and when she

passes away, then I get even MORE of it, because then only my brother and I will

be alive with our names on the deed.

>

> Sorry for the length of this, but I intend to chronicle the goings-on here

because I know many, many split-black children are screwed out of their rightful

inheritance by BPD parents. If my strategy can help anybody else out there, I am

happy.

> Thanks for listening,

> AFB

>

[Guest guest]

Away,

I just wanted to say that I think you are doing great! I am so proud of you!

Please don't get upset and think that you lost your NC, imo, you are handling

this in the best way possible.

Good luck!

Natalia

>

> Hi Annie, CmeBfree and everybody,

> Thanks for following the drama. Nada has lawyered-up real good and her lawyer

has asked me to " sign back " the property deed to nada so she can sell the

property and pay me a portion " if I require. " That was the first sign that

nada's lawyer was out to screw me. Since when does someone legally owning a

share of property get offered payment " if they require? " How nuts is that? The

normal procedure would be to offer to buy my share of the property out, so nada

can dispose of it as she wished. But no, everything is proceeding according to

" BPD rules " which means all for nada and none for me (of course).

>

> I did the right thing in asking for help from a wise and well-experienced

businessman pal rather than a lawyer I didn't know. He saw through this in a

heartbeat, and contacted the lawyer on my behalf asking to know the current

appraised value of the property. Nada's lawyer had the balls to write back and

claim that the assessed tax value was widely accepted as the value of the

property. WHAT A JOKE AND A LIE! My pal immediately got online and determined

that market values in the area are 2.38 times HIGHER than assessed values for

taxation purposes. Also, thanks to the great advice of DOUG from this WTO board,

my pal also requested a copy of the will as pertains to the property which sent

the Lyin' Lawyer scrambling to get it from nada (we have not received it yet.)

I' sure this request will send nada over the moon. She LOVES keeping all affairs

secret and witholding info so it all has to go through her.

>

> We have also determined from an online search that the property (with my name

on the deed) has been for sale about a year. Probably, the only reason I have

been contacted is because the deed is " clouded " (my name on the deed would be

the cloud) and they NEED me now to make a sale.

>

> The pal who is representing me was very careful about the language he used

with the lawyer and carefully edited some of my suggestions to make them

" stronger. " I was quite amazed with his approach and can see that I have a much

stronger hand to play with him helping me. The other thing I love is that nada

has been told she is dealing with my " advisor " and not with me. If nada knows I

have my own team in place, she will feel much less secure about her usual

manipulations.

>

> At times I feel strong, but to tell you guys the truth, my brain is quite

fuzzy now that my hard-won NC has been broken and nada is back in my life. I

messed up an appointment time with a client and also went to Costco and came

home with only half the items I needed. My lower back and neck are threatening

to go out--back when I was in contact with nada and brother, I needed a

chiropractor on a weekly basis or more. Once I went NC, I didn't need chiro

either. But here I am again, all bent out of shape.

>

> I really don't know how this will end up. As everybody on this board knows,

nothing happens logically in Oz. The expedient thing to do would be for nada to

offer to buy my portion of ownership out based on current market value and we

could have this sewn up by next week. But BPD logic will most likely prevail and

this could drag out for decades. I guess the factors in my corner are that

everyone around nada likely wants to see the property sold, and they will likely

urge her to a buyout. If she refuses, then as Doug wisely points out, I have a

share of " fair use " and if the place gets rented out, I also deserve a share of

those proceeds. Nada seems stuck with me no matter what she decides and when she

passes away, then I get even MORE of it, because then only my brother and I will

be alive with our names on the deed.

>

> Sorry for the length of this, but I intend to chronicle the goings-on here

because I know many, many split-black children are screwed out of their rightful

inheritance by BPD parents. If my strategy can help anybody else out there, I am

happy.

> Thanks for listening,

> AFB

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you for sticking up for your rights and working through a competent

intermediary. As someone whose now deceased NADA never wanted to go against her

NPD/OCPD husband and thus disinherited even her golden child (obviously not me),

I am rooting for you to at least get your share with minimum emotional

investment (as possible). I am living vicariously through you on this. Thank

you!

SR

[Guest guest]

Good for you!! It sounds like you're doing all the right things! I

wish you could just relax a little now and let it play out. Real

estate affairs take forever, then throw in the attorneys and it just

adds time. If it were my nada, she'd deliberately drag her feet to try

to extend the amount of time we're in conflict. She'd try to redirect

to different attacks just to gain the upper hand again and continue

the drama/attention. You are doing everything you can, now just let

the attorney deal with it. That's why you have him...as counsel AND as

a buffer. So use him to his maximal potential and take care of

yourself!! =)

Hugs

[Guest guest]

AFB,

May I suggest that in addition to your businessperson acquaintance that you also

at least consult with a lawyer on this, even if you are not enthused with

dealing with lawyers.I've read all your earlier posts.)

Remember that in dealing with nada the only way to prevail is not to play her

game according to her rules.

You were fortunate to see through the ruse about the property value but relying

solely on this businessperson's acumen is still playing nada's game in her own

arena with one hand tied behind your back! Why would you want to do that when

nada has lawyered up?

By the way you are still entitled to a share of ALL rental income earned on

this property, not just what may be coming if the property is rented now, under

the equitable principles underlying the doctrine of " Restitution. " So at least

consult with a lawyer for an hour of his or her time!

Should you lawyer up yourself, " the universal lawyer to lawyer respect rule "

will get rid of all the nonsense (trying to get you into waive your interest and

the undervaluation ruse here) and you will see any other hidden issues. Doing

so will empower you more and likely get rid of the physical symptoms you

describe.

That's my two cents...

>

> Hi Annie, CmeBfree and everybody,

> Thanks for following the drama. Nada has lawyered-up real good and her lawyer

has asked me to " sign back " the property deed to nada so she can sell the

property and pay me a portion " if I require. " That was the first sign that

nada's lawyer was out to screw me.

[Guest guest]

Dear SR, LAura, Dr and other who have kindly offered support:

You don't know how much your posts mean to me in terms of support. Each one is a

little foundation post, bolstering my courage and calming my anxiety. The advice

to also seek additional advice from a lawyer to " crosscheck " my advisor who is

manning the frontline for me against Nada's lawyer is very sound. I am not going

to pull my advisor off the frontline, but likely even he will feel better if we

have legal advice form someone currently practicing in the field.

I am in possession of prescription drugs that I've been loathe to use in the

past, but I finally broke down and took a third of a tablet of Klonopin, the

well-known anti-anxiety medication. I have to admit, it works. My deep fear and

endless worry was lifted so I could attend to other things. I was able to get

through Friday at work, attend synagogue on Saturday, and visit with friends

(all elderly Holocaust survivors who embrace me like a relative). Like them,

I've been physically and mentally tortured in the past, and even though they

don't know my story, they can somehow " see " that I am one of them. They are the

people I feel the most comfortable with in the whole world and they trust me

like a daughter. (I even help them make medical decisions when their own

children can't move them.) Of course there was a lavish buffet and I was urged

to eat, eat. :-)

Today, I feel even better and am enjoying a mystery novel in between bouts of

deep housecleaning which is making me feel productive and refreshed.

Next week will be here soon enough, and I'm expecting several weeks (at least)

of non-communication from nada's side. If her lawyer gets her to actually do

something, then so be it, but I'm actually prepared for a long spell of nothing

while she dithers and rages to everyone nearby. My reputation and presumed

motives will be raked over hot coals and back again during this time-- I'll

probably never be able to enter that region of the country ever again. But at

least I don't have to listen to a word of what's going on, nada shouldn't be

able to penetrate my email or phone borders, and if she does somehow, I'm

completely prepared to change numbers and addresses to cut her off immediately.

Thanks for listening everybody, and I'll update with reports.

Best regards,

AFB

>

>

>

> AFB,

>

> May I suggest that in addition to your businessperson acquaintance that you

also at least consult with a lawyer on this, even if you are not enthused with

dealing with lawyers.I've read all your earlier posts.)

>

> Remember that in dealing with nada the only way to prevail is not to play her

game according to her rules.

>

> You were fortunate to see through the ruse about the property value but

relying solely on this businessperson's acumen is still playing nada's game in

her own arena with one hand tied behind your back! Why would you want to do

that when nada has lawyered up?

>

> By the way you are still entitled to a share of ALL rental income earned on

this property, not just what may be coming if the property is rented now, under

the equitable principles underlying the doctrine of " Restitution. " So at least

consult with a lawyer for an hour of his or her time!

>

> Should you lawyer up yourself, " the universal lawyer to lawyer respect rule "

will get rid of all the nonsense (trying to get you into waive your interest and

the undervaluation ruse here) and you will see any other hidden issues. Doing

so will empower you more and likely get rid of the physical symptoms you

describe.

>

> That's my two cents...

>

>