Re: Re: Really need advice ...want to scream till my voic...

[Guest guest]

ALL GOOD ADVICE!!! I couldn't have said this any better. Laurie

In a message dated 6/5/2012 9:39:22 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

doug883@... writes:

Her behaviors are really over the edge. First, do whatever you can to

sever any financial obligations. I do not know what you mean that she "

holds the loan " . Is she a bank? Did she co sign? Does she have the loan

in her name and make the payments on it?

Unless you directly owe her the money, or she is a bank, it seems that

whatever she may " Hold " on the loan, as long as you continue to make

the payments, so what?

You were unclear, she kidnapped your son, did you get him back?

You have a woman who kidnapped one of your children visiting another of

your children at her school. I think I see a problem with that.

Kidnapping aside, my rule of thumb is NO BP EVER GETS ACCESS TO A MINOR

CHILD WITHOUT A SANE ADULT PRESENT. EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. Never an

overnight. All the shit Nada put her own children through, she has had

20 years to perfect her technique. She will be worse.

Second, no one just " drops by to visit " a kid at thier school without

some reason. And this is a person who KIDNAPPED one of your children?

Advice? Call the school right now, and tell them this woman is an

insane family member who kidnapped your daughter s brother some years

ago. Tell them she is NOT permitted to see your daughter, and if she

shows up again they should protect her and call the police.

Then, get a restraining order against her. If she shows up throw her

ass in jail.

Just the brief amount you said about what this horrid old woman said to

manipulate a 12 year old kid tells me that she was practicing major FOG

on her. Please, do NOT subject your daughter to any more of this woman.

Your daughter is a 12 year old. She does NOT have the RIGHT to see her

grandparents. What if her grandpa was Manson? Would you feel

that way still? She DOES have a right to be protected and safe while she

is raised. It is not your job to make her like you or approve of your

decisions. " Dear, your grandmother has mental problems, and I don t

feel it is safe for you to be around her. I m sorry but that is how it

is. When you are 18, if you choose otherwise, that is up to you. But

for now, you are the child, I am the parent, and I m choosing what is

best and safest for you.

No gift or help from a BP is a true gift. If she co signed a loan, she

is or will use that to manipulate you.

Whew. Read Safe People, by Cloud and Townsend.

And keep that bitch away from your daughter.

IMHO

Doug

>

> Sorry, this post is longer then I wanted, but...can't seem to find

pieces I can edit and not leave out

> It is hard to ask for help, not use to having somewhere that I can

yet. Somewhere where the truth of my nada's actions and behavior are not

uncommon, where people believe me.

>

> I have a serious current situation. Last Wednesday, my nada went to my

daughter's school (she is 12) and visited her during a break. My nada

did not call/email anyone in the family (me, my husband, my 25yr old

son) prior to this visit. When my daughter came home from school, she

said to my husband, " guess who came to see me at school " . Nada still has

not contacted in anyway anyone in the family to inform us of this visit.

>

> Two pieces of information you should know as background.

> My nada kidnapped my son in 1988 , took him from California to Ohio

and dropped him off with the father's parents, came back to California

patting herself on the back for what she did since.

>

> The second is, I am NC since June 2011. Since then and against my

better judgement, I allowed my daughter to spend an overnight at her

grandmother's once. This was back in Dec and I am still dealing with the

effects of what nada said to her. Including nada telling my daughter

that your mother (me) is a liar, that I lie about everything and twist

things to blame others for my (me)problems and have to be right, that I

hate her (my nada), that she (nada) misses spending time with her

family. Especially her granddaughter.....etc.

>

> So far I have not denied nada access, I have however made excuses to

nada's invitations to my daughter. Although nada is telling people I am

denying her 'grandparent rights'.

>

> I have told my daughter she has a right to see her grandmother and I

am doing everything I can to assure that right for her. I also told my

daughter, as your mother it is my responsibility to you to protect you.

In order to do that, I have decided I will not allow her to be put in

the middle of the issues between nada and myself. Also that any further

visits will be supervised by me, in a public place such as a restaurant

and no more then 2hrs. That I will sit at a table within view and

hearing, but not at the same table.

>

> I have not informed nada yet of this, as I ....... know with almost

complete accuracy that she will attack, financially (she holds the loan

on my husband's vehicle), legally, etc. And because deep within me, I am

scared.

>

> I can not live with myself if I allow another child of mine to be hurt

by her, it's hard enough living with the shame and pain that I wasn't

strong enough before. I know I was only 22 yrs old when she took my son.

I know I am, now, a strong confident woman of 46.

>

> I want to scream, pound, I know I can't right now, I have to keep my

feet on the ground, keep focused, rally my strength and prepare for the

storm.

>

> I also know that I am only one person and that as hard as I try, I

won't be able to think of everything, see every possibility and my

family just don't have the same understanding of her as I do.

>

> Please...I need help and I don't even know what help to ask for ...

>