Re: some articles

[Guest guest]

I agree that love can be... complicated. I personally feel that the way a

person expresses love toward their child is different than the way one expresses

love for their spouse or SO, and different from the way a person expresses love

for their adult child.

Loving and parenting a child does involve control, such as making choices and

decisions for the child when the child is little, but a thoughtful parent gives

even the small child opportunities to make choices *from a set of safe options

the parent offers the child* with the idea of teaching the child to observe,

and think, and reason, and feel, so that the child will mature into an adult who

is able to make logical, intelligent and thoughtful choices for their own self.

So, while I don't care for the *wording* of the second article, I do think the

meaning behind it is valid: that you can love an adult friend, spouse, relative,

grown child AND trust them enough to let them make their own decisions; that

being supportive and caring isn't the same thing as being controlling.

And at the same time, there is a fine line and a difficult line to discern when

you truly believe that an adult friend or grown child or relative whom you love

and care for is making a dangerous, poorly-thought-out choice, a

self-destructive, self-harming choice... and how do you show your love and

support then?

" Sure, honey. Go ahead and marry this guy; so what if he's currently in federal

prison for murdering his first two wives and their children? People can change!

I support you in whatever you decide to do! "

Its a conundrum, truly.

-Annie

>

> my sister introduced me to some great articles that discuss some ways she

learned to cope with her childhood, and build more realistic relationship with

our Nada. I found them very empowering

>

> http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Make-Your-Own-Mother

>

> and particularly this one:

>

> http://www.oprah.com/spirit/How-to-Love-Unconditionally-Martha-Becks-Advice/1

>

> I think I need to read more. these really are powerful thoughts.

>

> sometimes I think I complain too much. I need to build myself up more. that is

my goal this week.

> Meikjn

>