Guest guest Posted June 5, 2012 Report Share Posted June 5, 2012 We laid my real mom to rest on Friday. It would have been her 50th b.day. It was really tough. I went back " home " (out of state) for it and to kind of check up on my family & my dad with his crazy antics and his girlfriend... grrr. I went up Friday morning & left Saturday afternoon. I couldn't stay. I was having a hard time even looking at my father. I talked to my grandma on Sunday, she found out about his relationship sometime last week and was just devastated as I knew she would be. We talked for a while and she said she was going to the cemetery to talk to my mom. Well, she called again yesterday. Said she had gone to the cemetery and talked to mom and just begged her for the words to say to my dad. Well, she came home, sat him down & talked with him for a good long while and I don't know what she said to him, but he called off the relationship. I am skeptical. I've had too much hurt from bio parents in my life to just believe he's up and ended things... this relationship I found out about 6 weeks after mom died. Good grief. When dad divorced nada, I was 3ish. He disappeared for at least 6 months. I remember when he finally came to grandnada's house.... I saw him, and went running to see him because my dad was finally there. I have validation from his cousin that it's true because I guess she & his mother & aunt told him he couldn't just abandon me like that and he finally decided they were right. Then, after his 2nd divorce, he did the same thing. I was a teen at the time. I walked right past him in the mall because I didn't even recognize him.... he had lost SO much weight. It wasn't until I heard his voice say, " Well fine, just walk past your dad! " and his laugh that I realized I really *had* just walked right past my father and not realized it. I've been worried sick about my half sibs who are 15 & 12, that he'd abandon them. And that my grandparents (step grandparents, really) would lose the house. When my mom & dad bought that house, they bought it with the intention of building onto it and having her parents live there with them, and that's what they did. So grandma & grandpa sold their condo and poured a ton of their life savings into that house too, and here my dad had been acting like a giant selfish asshole and trying to get them out so he could " move on " with this internet girlfriend. So hopefully you can see why i'm skeptical. My dad was always selfish, and I thought he had changed. And seeing that trait come back out after mom died... hearing him say he didn't care what even my minor sibs would think... ugh. Talk about opening up old wounds. So I am just kinda biding my time, waiting to see if it's really truth or just that he's hiding things from the family. Losing my mom was so devastating, then to have it coupled up with dad's selfishness... I have felt like I've been living in a nightmare for weeks now. Was even talking with hubby that we may have to move there if he up & leaves the kids with my elderly grandparents! They would need some help. And those kids are my heart. It's just been a mess, and I can't help but think there's something majorly psychologically wrong with my dad, too. Codependency? NPD? Dis functional grieving? IDK what it is, but I just pray that he will grow up, be a dad & allow himself to heal. I love him, but I will tell you I will not take hurtful crap from him. Did that too long with nada. And yes, it reopens old wounds from the past. I'm not having any flashbacks, which is awesome, but this situation is NOT awesome. I have been sick to my stomach over all of this. And haven't cried this much in years. Not to mention feeling exhausted to my very core, and that's saying something b/c I'm ALWAYS exhausted due to health issues. Anyway, needed to vent/rant. Thank you for reading if you managed to get this far. Mia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2012 Report Share Posted June 6, 2012 I don't know what to say, but I wanted to give you a big virtual ((hug)), Mia. I hope that your dad's relationship is called off for real, I hope the grandparents stay in the house...but I'm with you, I'm a bit skeptical, too. How difficult it must be for your half-sibs! hugs to them, as well. > ** > > > We laid my real mom to rest on Friday. It would have been her 50th > b.day. It was really tough. I went back " home " (out of state) for it > and to kind of check up on my family & my dad with his crazy antics > and his girlfriend... grrr. > > I went up Friday morning & left Saturday afternoon. I couldn't stay. > I was having a hard time even looking at my father. I talked to my > grandma on Sunday, she found out about his relationship sometime last > week and was just devastated as I knew she would be. We talked for a > while and she said she was going to the cemetery to talk to my mom. > > Well, she called again yesterday. Said she had gone to the cemetery > and talked to mom and just begged her for the words to say to my dad. > Well, she came home, sat him down & talked with him for a good long > while and I don't know what she said to him, but he called off the > relationship. > > I am skeptical. I've had too much hurt from bio parents in my life to > just believe he's up and ended things... this relationship I found out > about 6 weeks after mom died. Good grief. > > When dad divorced nada, I was 3ish. He disappeared for at least 6 > months. I remember when he finally came to grandnada's house.... I > saw him, and went running to see him because my dad was finally there. > I have validation from his cousin that it's true because I guess she > & his mother & aunt told him he couldn't just abandon me like that and > he finally decided they were right. Then, after his 2nd divorce, he > did the same thing. I was a teen at the time. I walked right past > him in the mall because I didn't even recognize him.... he had lost SO > much weight. It wasn't until I heard his voice say, " Well fine, just > walk past your dad! " and his laugh that I realized I really *had* just > walked right past my father and not realized it. > > I've been worried sick about my half sibs who are 15 & 12, that he'd > abandon them. And that my grandparents (step grandparents, really) > would lose the house. When my mom & dad bought that house, they > bought it with the intention of building onto it and having her > parents live there with them, and that's what they did. So grandma & > grandpa sold their condo and poured a ton of their life savings into > that house too, and here my dad had been acting like a giant selfish > asshole and trying to get them out so he could " move on " with this > internet girlfriend. > > So hopefully you can see why i'm skeptical. My dad was always > selfish, and I thought he had changed. And seeing that trait come > back out after mom died... hearing him say he didn't care what even my > minor sibs would think... ugh. Talk about opening up old wounds. > > So I am just kinda biding my time, waiting to see if it's really truth > or just that he's hiding things from the family. > > Losing my mom was so devastating, then to have it coupled up with > dad's selfishness... I have felt like I've been living in a nightmare > for weeks now. Was even talking with hubby that we may have to move > there if he up & leaves the kids with my elderly grandparents! They > would need some help. And those kids are my heart. > > It's just been a mess, and I can't help but think there's something > majorly psychologically wrong with my dad, too. Codependency? NPD? > Dis functional grieving? IDK what it is, but I just pray that he will > grow up, be a dad & allow himself to heal. > > I love him, but I will tell you I will not take hurtful crap from him. > Did that too long with nada. And yes, it reopens old wounds from the > past. I'm not having any flashbacks, which is awesome, but this > situation is NOT awesome. I have been sick to my stomach over all of > this. And haven't cried this much in years. Not to mention feeling > exhausted to my very core, and that's saying something b/c I'm ALWAYS > exhausted due to health issues. > > Anyway, needed to vent/rant. Thank you for reading if you managed to > get this far. > > Mia > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 7, 2012 Report Share Posted June 7, 2012 Thanks Holly & big ((((Hugs)))) back. The half sibs don't know about our dad's relationship to my knowledge. I hope it stays that way. And yeah, I hope it's really the truth, but I guess years of B.S. from the 'rents is enough to make one skeptical! Thank you again. Mia On Wed, Jun 6, 2012 at 6:57 AM, Holly Lipschultz hollymichellebyers@...> wrote: > I don't know what to say, but I wanted to give you a big virtual ((hug)), > Mia. I hope that your dad's relationship is called off for real, I hope the > grandparents stay in the house...but I'm with you, I'm a bit skeptical, > too. How difficult it must be for your half-sibs! hugs to them, as well. > > > >> ** >> >> >> We laid my real mom to rest on Friday. It would have been her 50th >> b.day. It was really tough. I went back " home " (out of state) for it >> and to kind of check up on my family & my dad with his crazy antics >> and his girlfriend... grrr. >> >> I went up Friday morning & left Saturday afternoon. I couldn't stay. >> I was having a hard time even looking at my father. I talked to my >> grandma on Sunday, she found out about his relationship sometime last >> week and was just devastated as I knew she would be. We talked for a >> while and she said she was going to the cemetery to talk to my mom. >> >> Well, she called again yesterday. Said she had gone to the cemetery >> and talked to mom and just begged her for the words to say to my dad. >> Well, she came home, sat him down & talked with him for a good long >> while and I don't know what she said to him, but he called off the >> relationship. >> >> I am skeptical. I've had too much hurt from bio parents in my life to >> just believe he's up and ended things... this relationship I found out >> about 6 weeks after mom died. Good grief. >> >> When dad divorced nada, I was 3ish. He disappeared for at least 6 >> months. I remember when he finally came to grandnada's house.... I >> saw him, and went running to see him because my dad was finally there. >> I have validation from his cousin that it's true because I guess she >> & his mother & aunt told him he couldn't just abandon me like that and >> he finally decided they were right. Then, after his 2nd divorce, he >> did the same thing. I was a teen at the time. I walked right past >> him in the mall because I didn't even recognize him.... he had lost SO >> much weight. It wasn't until I heard his voice say, " Well fine, just >> walk past your dad! " and his laugh that I realized I really *had* just >> walked right past my father and not realized it. >> >> I've been worried sick about my half sibs who are 15 & 12, that he'd >> abandon them. And that my grandparents (step grandparents, really) >> would lose the house. When my mom & dad bought that house, they >> bought it with the intention of building onto it and having her >> parents live there with them, and that's what they did. So grandma & >> grandpa sold their condo and poured a ton of their life savings into >> that house too, and here my dad had been acting like a giant selfish >> asshole and trying to get them out so he could " move on " with this >> internet girlfriend. >> >> So hopefully you can see why i'm skeptical. My dad was always >> selfish, and I thought he had changed. And seeing that trait come >> back out after mom died... hearing him say he didn't care what even my >> minor sibs would think... ugh. Talk about opening up old wounds. >> >> So I am just kinda biding my time, waiting to see if it's really truth >> or just that he's hiding things from the family. >> >> Losing my mom was so devastating, then to have it coupled up with >> dad's selfishness... I have felt like I've been living in a nightmare >> for weeks now. Was even talking with hubby that we may have to move >> there if he up & leaves the kids with my elderly grandparents! They >> would need some help. And those kids are my heart. >> >> It's just been a mess, and I can't help but think there's something >> majorly psychologically wrong with my dad, too. Codependency? NPD? >> Dis functional grieving? IDK what it is, but I just pray that he will >> grow up, be a dad & allow himself to heal. >> >> I love him, but I will tell you I will not take hurtful crap from him. >> Did that too long with nada. And yes, it reopens old wounds from the >> past. I'm not having any flashbacks, which is awesome, but this >> situation is NOT awesome. I have been sick to my stomach over all of >> this. And haven't cried this much in years. Not to mention feeling >> exhausted to my very core, and that's saying something b/c I'm ALWAYS >> exhausted due to health issues. >> >> Anyway, needed to vent/rant. Thank you for reading if you managed to >> get this far. >> >> Mia >> >> > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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