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emotional numbness

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I have just discovered that there is a name for the craziness my mother brought

into my life. In the past two weeks I have read both Walking on Eggshells and

Understanding the Borderline Mother. My nada is a Queen/witch, and my father is

a fisherman. My Mother is a phych nurse which made this even more confusing as a

child and an adult, she has always played normal really well, except when she

didn't! I went NC last August after she had my father spank my daughter for

being disrespectful. Her favorite move is estrangement, so she was the one who

decided to stop answering my calls. She was good with the kids when they were

babies, but when they got older I started to see her treating them the way I

remember being treated and It freaked me out. We reestablished contact before

the holidays and have had very limited calls and visits since then.

I read that one of the symptoms of children who have been emotionally abused is

emotional numbness, and I have that BAD! Do any of you have any advice on how to

get more in touch with your feelings. I have not been able to cry in years, and

identifying how I am feeling is very difficult for me. I see a great therapist

and she is teaching me how to meditate which is sooo hard, and I read self help

books like crazy. Thank you

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