Guest guest Posted June 6, 2012 Report Share Posted June 6, 2012 Hello Beautiful Women, I hope you are all doing well today. It's wonderful that we can move forward together in healing. Having a platform to say what is on my heart helps tremendously. And reading your stories is inspiring. How much of my day do I spend feeling shameful? Probably a high percentage. And I'm so use to the emotion, I don't even see how it dictates my life. But I see it's results in my struggle to create an abundant lifestyle for myself, dating emotional available men, my finances, my eating and etc.... How it affects my relationships. It sucks. I know the worst thing I can do is try to avoid, ignore, or fix my feelings. They are what they are. I can't stop them from happening, but I can control how much power I give them. Like my mom. After years of my own work, she has little power over my life. So when she pulls her bpd moves, I visualize myself patting her on the head and almost playfully saying, " oh...that's my little borderline mom! " Because I accept she is who she is. Maybe that's what I need to do...accept that the shame happens. After all I want these shameful feelings to have as much power over me as opening the door at Halloween & having a 9-year-old in a " scary " outfit who jumps out from behind the bushes shouting " boo! " You may be startled by them. It could take you a second to even recover. But at the end of the day you crack a grin at their attempt to scare you, hand them a treat, shut the door and go back to your evening. So when those shameful feelings get triggered, I'm going to treat them as if my door bell suddenly rang and it's me as a kid in a Halloween costume trying to startled me. I'll look at me, pat myself on the head or even give myself a hug. Then I'll say.... " Oh...you're my little childhood shame. But I'm an adult now. I know you come around a lot, but you can't come in. But here's a treat. Now be on your way. " And then I shut the door and feel that sense of power, protection and pride for myself. Then I'll get back to my day. And maybe that shame will come around less and less. Thanks for reading! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2012 Report Share Posted June 6, 2012 Hello PWW, What a lovely post and idea, that its OK for us to laugh at ourselves sometimes, and even laugh at our nadas if we can (even we don't laugh right in nada's face but privately, to ourselves) to help take away her power to shame us, or control us or load us up with misplaced guilt or saddle us with inappropriate responsibility for her feelings. Oh, and just so you know, we have male KOs here too; we're all kind of like brothers and sisters in spirit, here. This Group isn't just for women (although I love being referred to as beautiful, Thanks!) -Annie > > Hello Beautiful Women, > > I hope you are all doing well today. It's wonderful that we can move forward together in healing. Having a platform to say what is on my heart helps tremendously. And reading your stories is inspiring. > > How much of my day do I spend feeling shameful? Probably a high percentage. And I'm so use to the emotion, I don't even see how it dictates my life. But I see it's results in my struggle to create an abundant lifestyle for myself, dating emotional available men, my finances, my eating and etc.... How it affects my relationships. > > It sucks. > > I know the worst thing I can do is try to avoid, ignore, or fix my feelings. They are what they are. I can't stop them from happening, but I can control how much power I give them. > > Like my mom. After years of my own work, she has little power over my life. So when she pulls her bpd moves, I visualize myself patting her on the head and almost playfully saying, " oh...that's my little borderline mom! " Because I accept she is who she is. > > Maybe that's what I need to do...accept that the shame happens. > > After all I want these shameful feelings to have as much power over me as opening the door at Halloween & having a 9-year-old in a " scary " outfit who jumps out from behind the bushes shouting " boo! " > > You may be startled by them. It could take you a second to even recover. But at the end of the day you crack a grin at their attempt to scare you, hand them a treat, shut the door and go back to your evening. > > So when those shameful feelings get triggered, I'm going to treat them as if my door bell suddenly rang and it's me as a kid in a Halloween costume trying to startled me. I'll look at me, pat myself on the head or even give myself a hug. Then I'll say.... > > " Oh...you're my little childhood shame. But I'm an adult now. I know you come around a lot, but you can't come in. But here's a treat. Now be on your way. " And then I shut the door and feel that sense of power, protection and pride for myself. > > Then I'll get back to my day. And maybe that shame will come around less and less. > > Thanks for reading! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 6, 2012 Report Share Posted June 6, 2012 I have to say that reading that I really appreciated the 9-year-old trick or treaters metaphor. Although some times it does take me a few hours to recover. But I'm getting better, I hope! They do have some scary costumes sometimes! Hugs and congrats on not letting her have power over your life! > > Hello Beautiful Women, > > I hope you are all doing well today. It's wonderful that we can move forward together in healing. Having a platform to say what is on my heart helps tremendously. And reading your stories is inspiring. > > How much of my day do I spend feeling shameful? Probably a high percentage. And I'm so use to the emotion, I don't even see how it dictates my life. But I see it's results in my struggle to create an abundant lifestyle for myself, dating emotional available men, my finances, my eating and etc.... How it affects my relationships. > > It sucks. > > I know the worst thing I can do is try to avoid, ignore, or fix my feelings. They are what they are. I can't stop them from happening, but I can control how much power I give them. > > Like my mom. After years of my own work, she has little power over my life. So when she pulls her bpd moves, I visualize myself patting her on the head and almost playfully saying, " oh...that's my little borderline mom! " Because I accept she is who she is. > > Maybe that's what I need to do...accept that the shame happens. > > After all I want these shameful feelings to have as much power over me as opening the door at Halloween & having a 9-year-old in a " scary " outfit who jumps out from behind the bushes shouting " boo! " > > You may be startled by them. It could take you a second to even recover. But at the end of the day you crack a grin at their attempt to scare you, hand them a treat, shut the door and go back to your evening. > > So when those shameful feelings get triggered, I'm going to treat them as if my door bell suddenly rang and it's me as a kid in a Halloween costume trying to startled me. I'll look at me, pat myself on the head or even give myself a hug. Then I'll say.... > > " Oh...you're my little childhood shame. But I'm an adult now. I know you come around a lot, but you can't come in. But here's a treat. Now be on your way. " And then I shut the door and feel that sense of power, protection and pride for myself. > > Then I'll get back to my day. And maybe that shame will come around less and less. > > Thanks for reading! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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