Re : Writing poems is saving me

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

Thank you for your kind message :-)

Oh, I'm so happy for you too :-) It sounds fantastic !!!! :-)

Oh yes, I think you should take plastic art lessons and express your feelings

through draws and paintings !!!! :-)

________________________________

De : Zaire sean.zaire@...>

À : " WTOAdultChildren1 " WTOAdultChildren1 >

Envoyé le : Jeudi 7 juin 2012 15h13

Objet : Re: Writing poems is saving me

 

Whoa!  Kudos to you Daszkel :-)  I just had a similar experience a week ago.

 I realized last week I express my emotions to myself via imagery.  I plan on

taking drawing classes so I can share these feelings with others.

________________________________

To: WTO Adult children WTOAdultChildren1 >

Sent: Thursday, June 7, 2012 7:04 AM

Subject: Writing poems is saving me

 

Dear Brothers and Sisters in this chaotic Nada's world,

I thank you all for your posts, since I joined this group I feel I am not alone

and I understand better and better how this nonsense Nada's world works.

I wish we will all feel better soon and manage to create for each of us a better

happier life.

Today I want to share my experience with you, maybe it could help some of you. 

I have gone NC for now one year.

Naïvely at the beginning I thought that it would mean the end of all problems

but I have realized with time that even if there is no contact, I have to deal

today, every day, with all the scares I carry from my past. I am wounded inside

and even if there is no relationship with her today, my every day life is

difficult. 

A month ago, something incredible happened to me. I think I could name this the

beginning of taking power to be free and finally manage to dare to be me.

I have spent my entire life to hide my talents to please her.

A month ago, I started to write poems. 

I am starting after fourty years to be able to describe what I have been

through.

I finally dare to speak. Not to my family, they are all on her side and have

rejected me completely, I wouldn't dare to tell them the truth because I am

convinced that they would not believe me and then I would feel hurted more.

I am writing, first for myself, and then if they want one day they will read my

books.

Maybe they will believe me, maybe not, but anyway I dare to tell the truth of

what I have been through.

And it really helps.

Today I would like to share with you two of my poems.

I have translated them into english.

Grazed heart

Grazed heart

Invisible open wound

Inside

Unconditional love

Untemporal

Not received from the parents

Unknown father

In the first years

During the tender childhood

Sentimental stupor

Borderline mother

Rickets

Emotional malnutrition

Resignation

Lack of understanding

Absence of anger

Certitude of beeing guilty

Not to be loved

Intense grief

Unsurmontable

Unknown father

Melancoly

Withdrawal into once's shell

Solitary child

Then resigned

Feeling unworthy

To be loved

Absent father

Loss of self-confidence

And of confidence in others

Low self-esteem

Need of self-punishment

And of sufferings

We well desserved it

Necessity to be perfect

Extrem kindness

Vulnerability

Borderline mother

Discouragement

It is never enough

Feelings of beeing worthless

Life in couple

Spouse silimar to the mother

Despair

Submitted adult

Incapable of defending herself

Feelings of not existing

Separation

Fragmented life

Repeted failures

Deceased father

Fear of abandonment

Family rejection

Withdrawal into once's shell

Desert

Natacha DASZKEl,

June 7th 2012.

Inner

little girl child

Inner

little girl child

Who

is so scared

Eager

of cuddles

Only

meeting coldness

Distant

mother

Full

of rancour

I

have to make myself very little

To

be well-behaved, always very well behaved

And

transparent

Not

to take the spotlight away from her

Invisible

and docile

Not

ready to fight

She

empeached me to protect myself

To

better anihilate me

I

should not make myself noticed

Or

she will become angry

Little

doll seated who smiles

Always

Her

sickened jealousy

Has

emprisonned me

In

a spider web

To

stay lifeless

Most

of all, not to shine

Always

to be this docile little girl

Not

to be over her

To

dissimulate my talents

To

renounce to myself

The

chrysalis is too little

It

is cracking

Like

the Snow White mother-in-law

She

is boiling with rage

The

sanction doesn't delay

Confined

to isolation

Cut

from my roots

Expensively

won freedom

First

fly

My

wings are still fragile

Lack

of markers

Will

the flower bud

Manage

to blossom ?

Inner

little girl child

Always

here

Consumed

by fear

Of

daring to exist.

Natacha

DASZKEL

Le 7

Juin 2012.

Take all very good care of yourselves !

Dare to be yourselves ! Each of you is unique ! Each of you is a wonderful

person ! Dare to shine your inner beauty !

Natacha