Re : Re: Writing poems is saving me

[Guest guest]

Dear Annie,

Thank you for your kind message :-)

Yes, it is so incredible ! It just came to me, I didn't force anything. Poems

are just flowing, flowing outside me. I have written more than eighty in less

than a month ! It's like the beginning of a liberation. You know all my

sufferings have stayed inside for fourty years, I never protested and never

manifested anger and never told anyone because I was scared not to be believed,

and now all this staff inside is just starting to come out and it makes me feel

much much better.

As you expressed so well to me, " the ability to turn ugliness and sorrow into

art " , Yes I think that's exactely it !

It reminds me another poem I wrote last month, whose title was : " Resistance "

Resistance

The sublimation

Of the suffering

Is the unique solution

To survivethe missing

Natacha DASZKEL

Yes, I think when we suffered from our parents, we really want to be better to

our children. And I think we really are !

For example, I cuddle my Kids a lot and often tell them that I love them, while

my mother was never cuddling me, very rarely kissing me, and never telling me

that she loved me.

You know what, I don't know if others children of Nada have experienced that, I

never saw this topic here yet, but something which really really made me suffer

was when she was writing to me a postcard or a letter.

At the top normally people write " Dear + first name of the person " and at the

end they sign " Mummy " if they are the mother.

What I always received was a letter with nothing on the top, NO " Dear " , Not " my

first name " either, she just started speaking about something. So the letter was

not addressed to me because somehow for her I didn't even existed (how awfull

for a little child, you imagine !).

And then, guess what ? She was never ever signing " Mummy " , but always with her

first name " Francine " , like if I was her friend or her sister !

This has been SO PAINFULL for me during all my childhood !

And also she had changed my birth date (I learned it only few years ago), and

she refused to reveal to me my dad's identity during thirteen years ! 

She had run away just after giving birth and empeached him to recognize me and

let him a letter that if he tries to see me during my childhood, she will just

call the police (as he was a foreigner in my country with no official papers).

Then she told me all my childhood that my father didn't love me and didn't give

" a dam " about me or he would have tried to see me !

She simply denied my identity....

I have written a poem about what I felt all long : it was that she tried so much

TO ERASE ME !

Yes, our expressed love to our own children is our best victory :-) We are

unique and definitively we are not our nadas !!!! :-)

take very good care of yourself Annie :-)

You are so caring with many of us, it is very cute of you !!!!

Natacha

XXXX

________________________________

De : anuria67854 anuria-67854@...>

À : WTOAdultChildren1

Envoyé le : Jeudi 7 juin 2012 16h13

Objet : Re: Writing poems is saving me

 

Those are wonderful Natacha; the second one speaks to me RE being forced to

remain tiny and invisible and feeling that fear of even " daring to exist. "

I'm so glad for you that you have found a way to express your feelings and the

reality of the trauma inflicted on you; the poems are a cathartic release of

pain and sorrow, and an expression of hope, in an artistic form. The ability

to turn ugliness and sorrow into art demonstrates the triumph of the human

spirit.

Like you, I take solace in the understanding that even though I still have inner

wounds, that I refuse to inflict MY pain and suffering on others like my pd

mother did. That is my triumph: Counter to what she told me throughout my

growing up years, I am NOT my mother, I'm me!

-Annie

>

> Dear Brothers and Sisters in this chaotic Nada's world,

>

> I thank you all for your posts, since I joined this group I feel I am not

alone and I understand better and better how this nonsense Nada's world works.

>

> I wish we will all feel better soon and manage to create for each of us a

better happier life.

>

>

> Today I want to share my experience with you, maybe it could help some of

you.