Re : Laid my real mom to rest

[Guest guest]

Dear Mia,

I wanted to give you a hug too.

Please take very good care of yourself.

Natacha

XXXX

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De : Mia zobimia@...>

À : WTOAdultChildren1

Envoyé le : Vendredi 8 juin 2012 4h20

Objet : Re: Laid my real mom to rest

 

Thanks Holly & big ((((Hugs)))) back. The half sibs don't know about

our dad's relationship to my knowledge. I hope it stays that way.

And yeah, I hope it's really the truth, but I guess years of B.S. from

the 'rents is enough to make one skeptical!

Thank you again. Mia

On Wed, Jun 6, 2012 at 6:57 AM, Holly Lipschultz

hollymichellebyers@...> wrote:

> I don't know what to say, but I wanted to give you a big virtual ((hug)),

> Mia. I hope that your dad's relationship is called off for real, I hope the

> grandparents stay in the house...but I'm with you, I'm a bit skeptical,

> too. How difficult it must be for your half-sibs! hugs to them, as well.

>

>

>

>> **

>>

>>

>> We laid my real mom to rest on Friday. It would have been her 50th

>> b.day. It was really tough. I went back " home " (out of state) for it

>> and to kind of check up on my family & my dad with his crazy antics

>> and his girlfriend... grrr.

>>

>> I went up Friday morning & left Saturday afternoon. I couldn't stay.

>> I was having a hard time even looking at my father. I talked to my

>> grandma on Sunday, she found out about his relationship sometime last

>> week and was just devastated as I knew she would be. We talked for a

>> while and she said she was going to the cemetery to talk to my mom.

>>

>> Well, she called again yesterday. Said she had gone to the cemetery

>> and talked to mom and just begged her for the words to say to my dad.

>> Well, she came home, sat him down & talked with him for a good long

>> while and I don't know what she said to him, but he called off the

>> relationship.

>>

>> I am skeptical. I've had too much hurt from bio parents in my life to

>> just believe he's up and ended things... this relationship I found out

>> about 6 weeks after mom died. Good grief.

>>

>> When dad divorced nada, I was 3ish. He disappeared for at least 6

>> months. I remember when he finally came to grandnada's house.... I

>> saw him, and went running to see him because my dad was finally there.

>> I have validation from his cousin that it's true because I guess she

>> & his mother & aunt told him he couldn't just abandon me like that and

>> he finally decided they were right. Then, after his 2nd divorce, he

>> did the same thing. I was a teen at the time. I walked right past

>> him in the mall because I didn't even recognize him.... he had lost SO

>> much weight. It wasn't until I heard his voice say, " Well fine, just

>> walk past your dad! " and his laugh that I realized I really *had* just

>> walked right past my father and not realized it.

>>

>> I've been worried sick about my half sibs who are 15 & 12, that he'd

>> abandon them. And that my grandparents (step grandparents, really)

>> would lose the house. When my mom & dad bought that house, they

>> bought it with the intention of building onto it and having her

>> parents live there with them, and that's what they did. So grandma &

>> grandpa sold their condo and poured a ton of their life savings into

>> that house too, and here my dad had been acting like a giant selfish

>> asshole and trying to get them out so he could " move on " with this

>> internet girlfriend.

>>

>> So hopefully you can see why i'm skeptical. My dad was always

>> selfish, and I thought he had changed. And seeing that trait come

>> back out after mom died... hearing him say he didn't care what even my

>> minor sibs would think... ugh. Talk about opening up old wounds.

>>

>> So I am just kinda biding my time, waiting to see if it's really truth

>> or just that he's hiding things from the family.

>>

>> Losing my mom was so devastating, then to have it coupled up with

>> dad's selfishness... I have felt like I've been living in a nightmare

>> for weeks now. Was even talking with hubby that we may have to move

>> there if he up & leaves the kids with my elderly grandparents! They

>> would need some help. And those kids are my heart.

>>

>> It's just been a mess, and I can't help but think there's something

>> majorly psychologically wrong with my dad, too. Codependency? NPD?

>> Dis functional grieving? IDK what it is, but I just pray that he will

>> grow up, be a dad & allow himself to heal.

>>

>> I love him, but I will tell you I will not take hurtful crap from him.

>> Did that too long with nada. And yes, it reopens old wounds from the

>> past. I'm not having any flashbacks, which is awesome, but this

>> situation is NOT awesome. I have been sick to my stomach over all of

>> this. And haven't cried this much in years. Not to mention feeling

>> exhausted to my very core, and that's saying something b/c I'm ALWAYS

>> exhausted due to health issues.

>>

>> Anyway, needed to vent/rant. Thank you for reading if you managed to

>> get this far.

>>

>> Mia

>>

>>

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