Help

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/7/03 6:25:26 PM US Eastern Standard Time,

vvalor@... writes:

> Does anyone drink diet sodas?

>

>

>

I do. I drink them all the time. My doc said it was fine if it didn't hurt my

stomach.

Kimmie

Lap RNY 12/19/02

343/219/135

[Guest guest]

Hi

You have come to the right group I found sugar free Tang in my local

supermarket but now I have found a website for it and wonder of all wonders it

is much

cheaper on the site so check it out:

http://looneystuff.safeshopper.com/23/587.htm?762http://looneystuff.safe\

shopper.com/23/587.htm?762

I also drink the fruit flavored waters but I would not recommend the diet

soda because think about it this way if you had RNY that tiny little bit of

stomach is all you have left for the rest of your life to process your food.

You

already do not have stomach acid anymore to break down acidic sodas so they

will start to eat away at your lining and even a tiny little bit works against

you in the long run. That pouch is all you have until you say good bye to this

world so I would take care of it as best as possible because once it is ruined

or placed in jeopardy there is no turning back. For me no soda or alcoholic

drink is truly worth it after surgery for the long haul. Just my humble

opinion

Lori Anne

pre-op Lap RNY

8/25/03

[Guest guest]

This is my first post on this site. I'm coming here mostly out of a sense of

desperation. A little background on me...I graduated college last year, and

recently had to move back home due to dropping out of a post-grad program I was

in. My mom has BPD. Over the course of my childhood and adolescence, I, my dad,

and my brother were routinely subjected to a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde act of

emotional and verbal abuse that left me a broken guy emotionally. I was a master

at looking fine on the outside but being full of hurt and fear on the inside.

I've been seeing a therapist since January, and it's been the most wonderful

change in my life that I think I've ever made. I've gone from someone who never

stood up for his own needs or wants, and only felt good about himself when he

received the affirmation of others, to someone who is finally starting to feel

intrinsically good about himself for the first time. I am finally putting right

all of the wrongs that have been done to me.

And yet...for all the progress I have made, I am still struggling at times.

Living at home sucks. I'm having trouble finding a job, and though I'm finding

ways to keep myself busy, the time periods I dread are the ones like I'm having

right now. I'm sitting alone in my room, with the door locked, feeling like I

would rather do anything than talk to either of my parents (they are still

married even though there is no true joy or love in their relationship anymore,

I believe my father is just not willing to go through a divorce). I feel

trapped...like neither of my parents are people I trust, respect, or want to

confide in. Outside of my brother, it feels like I do not really have a family.

I feel very alone unless I am with friends.

It's hard for me to even type all of this out. I feel like I can't possibly make

you all understand what I'm going through. I feel like I can't talk to my

friends, because I'm not sure of the best way to tell them about what BPD is.

Which, of course, is why I should be here in the first place! I need help beyond

what my therapist can give me. I still can't handle this emotional burden on my

own.

To sum up my feelings: I feel like I can scarcely have a normal conversation

with my mother because I have so much anger and contempt for her due to the

emotional and verbal abuse she subjected me to over the years. I've realized in

therapy that I have similar if not the exact same feelings toward my father

because I feel like he did not do enough to stop the abuse from happening.

I feel like I am fast losing the ability to keep living in this house. I am on

an emotional roller coaster, constantly on guard, whenever I set foot inside. Do

any of you have any tips for how to deal with this? I need to get out of here!!

The people in my life who should be one of my great sources of strength and love

are people I cannot trust, and I'm in so much pain because of it. How would you

all cope with having to live with people you simply cannot respect?

[Guest guest]

Welcome!

You don't have to find a way to explain what you're going through. We all

understand.

It's really good that you are seeking support from a T, and also that you are

reaching out here. This is a great place to read and post. You will find many

others who know just what it's like.

It is very difficult to recover from abuse while you are still in an abusive

environment. It is great that you are working on your boundaries and needs. I

can tell you are ready to find another living arrangement, though, and I think

that sounds like a very reasonable goal. It is one one you can make a plan to

achieve. What will you need in order to move out?

Your mother is not capable of talking through anything with you. It is pointless

to try to share your feelings with someone who will use them against you and who

cannot look at a situation objectively. Your parents aren't safe people to share

yourself with, so it is good that you are using caution there.

We all crave validation...but you aren't going to get it from your FOO (family

of origin). Even good friends have trouble understanding, especially if they

have parents who actually care about them. But you have us, and you have your T.

My advice will be to do all you can to develop and protect your own sense of

identity. Look up " medium chill " and practice that while you are in your

parents' home. Spend as much time as you can out of the house, and work toward

your goal of finding another place to live and becoming independent. Reading

books such as Surviving a Borderline Parent, Understanding the Borderline

Mother, or The Essential Family Guide to BPD might also give you some support.

Glad you're here--we really do get it.

Sveta

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear you're still living with the FOO.  That really sucks.  I don't

think I have any good advice.  In situations like these, I don't think there

are any good choices.  Just a variety of different bad ones.  

Back when I was living in that environment, I escaped reality via video games

and fantasy/SciFi books.  I didn't completely realize what I was doing at the

time.  I emotionally survived living with the Foo, but the escapism also

isolated me from humanity in general.  Ten years later, I'm still in the

process of learning to connect with people.  On the plus side, I think I'm

making good progress :-)

Regardless how you manage to cope, keep us informed!  Hopefully we over here

can be understanding and encouraging.

Just the word Foo brings to mind  an image of a multi-headed mud monster with

that changes shape and fights with itself.  The " Foo of Doom " ....  We

children are stuck in the mud trying to escape its battles with itself.  The

food packs mud around us and shapes us into mud swords, spears, and shields, and

uses us as tools to fight with itself.  I have this image of a dragon shaped

mud joined at the hip and fighting with a double headed mud shaped giant human

wielding us as a club.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, June 7, 2012 8:31 PM

Subject: Help

 

This is my first post on this site. I'm coming here mostly out of a sense of

desperation. A little background on me...I graduated college last year, and

recently had to move back home due to dropping out of a post-grad program I was

in. My mom has BPD. Over the course of my childhood and adolescence, I, my dad,

and my brother were routinely subjected to a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde act of

emotional and verbal abuse that left me a broken guy emotionally. I was a master

at looking fine on the outside but being full of hurt and fear on the inside.

I've been seeing a therapist since January, and it's been the most wonderful

change in my life that I think I've ever made. I've gone from someone who never

stood up for his own needs or wants, and only felt good about himself when he

received the affirmation of others, to someone who is finally starting to feel

intrinsically good about himself for the first time. I am finally putting right

all of the wrongs that have been done to me.

And yet...for all the progress I have made, I am still struggling at times.

Living at home sucks. I'm having trouble finding a job, and though I'm finding

ways to keep myself busy, the time periods I dread are the ones like I'm having

right now. I'm sitting alone in my room, with the door locked, feeling like I

would rather do anything than talk to either of my parents (they are still

married even though there is no true joy or love in their relationship anymore,

I believe my father is just not willing to go through a divorce). I feel

trapped...like neither of my parents are people I trust, respect, or want to

confide in. Outside of my brother, it feels like I do not really have a family.

I feel very alone unless I am with friends.

It's hard for me to even type all of this out. I feel like I can't possibly make

you all understand what I'm going through. I feel like I can't talk to my

friends, because I'm not sure of the best way to tell them about what BPD is.

Which, of course, is why I should be here in the first place! I need help beyond

what my therapist can give me. I still can't handle this emotional burden on my

own.

To sum up my feelings: I feel like I can scarcely have a normal conversation

with my mother because I have so much anger and contempt for her due to the

emotional and verbal abuse she subjected me to over the years. I've realized in

therapy that I have similar if not the exact same feelings toward my father

because I feel like he did not do enough to stop the abuse from happening.

I feel like I am fast losing the ability to keep living in this house. I am on

an emotional roller coaster, constantly on guard, whenever I set foot inside. Do

any of you have any tips for how to deal with this? I need to get out of here!!

The people in my life who should be one of my great sources of strength and love

are people I cannot trust, and I'm in so much pain because of it. How would you

all cope with having to live with people you simply cannot respect?

[Guest guest]

Welcome, and I can totally understand where you're coming from. Once I left for

college I never lived at home again, including summers, but it was a much better

economy then and I was able to find enough part-time jobs to eke by. I can't

have a normal conversation with my parents either, nor even a normal visit

because any completely normal thing I might say or do could cause nada to become

completely emotionally unglued. So I have chosen not to try and have evolved

from a chronically anxious, fearful, self-hating person to someone who's finally

figuring out what I actually like at age 42.

Anyway, when I did have to live at home, I spent most of my time in my room with

the door locked, reading, or out with friends. Although I didn't realize it at

the time, I also spent many hours planning on how to stay gone once I left. Try

to ignore them as much as possible and remember that as an adult you have a

right not to do what they try to manipulate you into doing.

>

> This is my first post on this site. I'm coming here mostly out of a sense of

desperation. A little background on me...I graduated college last year, and

recently had to move back home due to dropping out of a post-grad program I was

in. My mom has BPD. Over the course of my childhood and adolescence, I, my dad,

and my brother were routinely subjected to a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde act of

emotional and verbal abuse that left me a broken guy emotionally. I was a master

at looking fine on the outside but being full of hurt and fear on the inside.

>

> I've been seeing a therapist since January, and it's been the most wonderful

change in my life that I think I've ever made. I've gone from someone who never

stood up for his own needs or wants, and only felt good about himself when he

received the affirmation of others, to someone who is finally starting to feel

intrinsically good about himself for the first time. I am finally putting right

all of the wrongs that have been done to me.

>

> And yet...for all the progress I have made, I am still struggling at times.

Living at home sucks. I'm having trouble finding a job, and though I'm finding

ways to keep myself busy, the time periods I dread are the ones like I'm having

right now. I'm sitting alone in my room, with the door locked, feeling like I

would rather do anything than talk to either of my parents (they are still

married even though there is no true joy or love in their relationship anymore,

I believe my father is just not willing to go through a divorce). I feel

trapped...like neither of my parents are people I trust, respect, or want to

confide in. Outside of my brother, it feels like I do not really have a family.

I feel very alone unless I am with friends.

>

> It's hard for me to even type all of this out. I feel like I can't possibly

make you all understand what I'm going through. I feel like I can't talk to my

friends, because I'm not sure of the best way to tell them about what BPD is.

Which, of course, is why I should be here in the first place! I need help beyond

what my therapist can give me. I still can't handle this emotional burden on my

own.

>

> To sum up my feelings: I feel like I can scarcely have a normal conversation

with my mother because I have so much anger and contempt for her due to the

emotional and verbal abuse she subjected me to over the years. I've realized in

therapy that I have similar if not the exact same feelings toward my father

because I feel like he did not do enough to stop the abuse from happening.

>

> I feel like I am fast losing the ability to keep living in this house. I am on

an emotional roller coaster, constantly on guard, whenever I set foot inside. Do

any of you have any tips for how to deal with this? I need to get out of here!!

The people in my life who should be one of my great sources of strength and love

are people I cannot trust, and I'm in so much pain because of it. How would you

all cope with having to live with people you simply cannot respect?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Dodger43!

Welcome, sounds like you'll fit right in here with us!! I identify with a lot of

what you say. And basically there is no answer to solve continual turmoil, I've

only come up with a general plan to help manage the chaos and drama as we go

from incident to incident. There is no way to trust or respect the foo. I have

come to accept that they will never be the family or support that I wish I had.

They don't change, we can only change ourselves. Sounds like you're coming to

that point, GOOD FOR YOU for seeking a T. I find a lot of " ah-ha " and " me too! "

bits with the group. I hope you find some sanity and 'fitting in' here like I

have. It's so validating to know I'm not the only one and not alone in

experiencing and dealing with the BP roller coster. Welcome!

Hi , I like the FOO monster image!! Now just add little floating name labels

over each head...Witch, Waif, Dishrag, etc!!hahah I did a lot of sci-fi

escape-ism too during adolescence. Heck, I still do. =)

[Guest guest]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I went NC with my FOO a year ago,

even in severe crisis in the rest of my life I would not speak with my uBPDm. I

moved out of their house when I went to college, and never looked back, though

again like writermanque the economy was much better when I graduated so I was

able to scrape by and live on my own. Your mental health is worth so much- the

only real advice I have is to go to your room where the FOO monsters can't get

you, lock your room door, and apply yourself day and night to finding a job that

gets you out of there. I know how hard it can be to motivate to do that when you

are bign dragged down by the negative surroundings, but it is a gift you can and

deserve to give yourself to get out of there. There is no changing these

people, and any of the coping methods we discuss in these groups will probably

just help as patches to get you through until you can separate yourself and

create some physical and emotional boundaries between yourself and these people

so that you can feel safe.

I'm so sorry for your pain. Believe me we all understand exactly how you feel,

and we all wish for you and for each of us that it were different.

Good luck, and remember how important you are and that you are worth being taken

care of by you!!

> >

> > This is my first post on this site. I'm coming here mostly out of a sense of

desperation. A little background on me...I graduated college last year, and

recently had to move back home due to dropping out of a post-grad program I was

in. My mom has BPD. Over the course of my childhood and adolescence, I, my dad,

and my brother were routinely subjected to a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde act of

emotional and verbal abuse that left me a broken guy emotionally. I was a master

at looking fine on the outside but being full of hurt and fear on the inside.

> >

> > I've been seeing a therapist since January, and it's been the most wonderful

change in my life that I think I've ever made. I've gone from someone who never

stood up for his own needs or wants, and only felt good about himself when he

received the affirmation of others, to someone who is finally starting to feel

intrinsically good about himself for the first time. I am finally putting right

all of the wrongs that have been done to me.

> >

> > And yet...for all the progress I have made, I am still struggling at times.

Living at home sucks. I'm having trouble finding a job, and though I'm finding

ways to keep myself busy, the time periods I dread are the ones like I'm having

right now. I'm sitting alone in my room, with the door locked, feeling like I

would rather do anything than talk to either of my parents (they are still

married even though there is no true joy or love in their relationship anymore,

I believe my father is just not willing to go through a divorce). I feel

trapped...like neither of my parents are people I trust, respect, or want to

confide in. Outside of my brother, it feels like I do not really have a family.

I feel very alone unless I am with friends.

> >

> > It's hard for me to even type all of this out. I feel like I can't possibly

make you all understand what I'm going through. I feel like I can't talk to my

friends, because I'm not sure of the best way to tell them about what BPD is.

Which, of course, is why I should be here in the first place! I need help beyond

what my therapist can give me. I still can't handle this emotional burden on my

own.

> >

> > To sum up my feelings: I feel like I can scarcely have a normal conversation

with my mother because I have so much anger and contempt for her due to the

emotional and verbal abuse she subjected me to over the years. I've realized in

therapy that I have similar if not the exact same feelings toward my father

because I feel like he did not do enough to stop the abuse from happening.

> >

> > I feel like I am fast losing the ability to keep living in this house. I am

on an emotional roller coaster, constantly on guard, whenever I set foot inside.

Do any of you have any tips for how to deal with this? I need to get out of

here!! The people in my life who should be one of my great sources of strength

and love are people I cannot trust, and I'm in so much pain because of it. How

would you all cope with having to live with people you simply cannot respect?

> >

>