blackening my name on fb now...

[Guest guest]

hi all, i posted a bout 2 weeks ago about my nada having a fb account. she has

now made it quite public hrough comments on photos that she has put up of my

kids and her from the past that i am punishing her by not letting her see the

kids and my aunite who isnt even in the same country as her as gone on the

banwagon agreeing with her about how whoever is keeping this 'true love' from

happeneng as it invoves 'innocent children' will not be forgiven by God etc etc.

amazing how some can totally judge a situation without even hearing both sides.

i know what i am dong is 100% right but cant help let it affect me. i made it

very clear with my nada last year that if she wants to have a relationshoip with

my kids she needs to have a respectable and civilised one with me and my

husband, she obviously cannot stand being told what to do. now she is playing

the victim about how i am he bad daugter to all that doesnt allow her to see the

kids. whats crazy is that she thinks that just cos she has a problem with me and

my hubby that it should affect her relationship with my kids?! am going crazy or

what to tink that it totally wrong! thanks for reading gus feel a bit lowright

now. :(

[Guest guest]

I hear you. Oh, Facebook...it just makes everything more complicated,

sometimes. It makes me glad that I blocked my mom on facebook. Fada doesn't

have an account as far as I can tell, but my " dishrag " mom is blocked. And

I've also had to limit my communication with some relatives because they

truly don't want to believe the truth...that my fada is abusive.

Sometimes it's better not knowing. What would happen if you simply block

her? Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything you really can do in

terms of trying to convince people. I'm not even sure they will listen to

your side of the story. The best thing you can probably do is to simply

ignore or block these people.

> **

>

>

> hi all, i posted a bout 2 weeks ago about my nada having a fb account. she

> has now made it quite public hrough comments on photos that she has put up

> of my kids and her from the past that i am punishing her by not letting her

> see the kids and my aunite who isnt even in the same country as her as gone

> on the banwagon agreeing with her about how whoever is keeping this 'true

> love' from happeneng as it invoves 'innocent children' will not be forgiven

> by God etc etc. amazing how some can totally judge a situation without even

> hearing both sides. i know what i am dong is 100% right but cant help let

> it affect me. i made it very clear with my nada last year that if she wants

> to have a relationshoip with my kids she needs to have a respectable and

> civilised one with me and my husband, she obviously cannot stand being told

> what to do. now she is playing the victim about how i am he bad daugter to

> all that doesnt allow her to see the kids. whats crazy is that she thinks

> that just cos she has a problem with me and my hubby that it should affect

> her relationship with my kids?! am going crazy or what to tink that it

> totally wrong! thanks for reading gus feel a bit lowright now. :(

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Are you reading her on Facebook or are you hearing about it from

someone else? I strongly recommend not reading what she writes.

Part of limiting contact with someone is limiting what you do as

well as what you accept from them. If other people are repeating

what she says to you, ask them to stop doing so. You can't

control what she says or does. If others choose to go along with

her craziness, let that be their problem, not yours. Sadly,

limiting contact with someone who is toxic to you can also

require limiting contact with that person's minions.

At 08:43 PM 06/09/2012 m19728 wrote:

>hi all, i posted a bout 2 weeks ago about my nada having a fb

>account. she has now made it quite public hrough comments on

>photos that she has put up of my kids and her from the past

>that i am punishing her by not letting her see the kids and my

>aunite who isnt even in the same country as her as gone on the

>banwagon agreeing with her about how whoever is keeping this

>'true love' from happeneng as it invoves 'innocent children'

>will not be forgiven by God etc etc. amazing how some can

>totally judge a situation without even hearing both sides. i

>know what i am dong is 100% right but cant help let it affect

>me. i made it very clear with my nada last year that if she

>wants to have a relationshoip with my kids she needs to have a

>respectable and civilised one with me and my husband, she

>obviously cannot stand being told what to do. now she is

>playing the victim about how i am he bad daugter to all that

>doesnt allow her to see the kids. whats crazy is that she

>thinks that just cos she has a problem with me and my hubby

>that it should affect her relationship with my kids?! am going

>crazy or what to tink that it totally wrong! thanks for reading

>gus feel a bit lowright now. :(

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

If it makes you feel any better, when I read Facebook posts that are people

oversharing in detail their personal private issues, I tend to disregard and

even delete them as a friend sometimes. To me, it's a sign of immaturity people

who share private stuff about their lives on Facebook: like emotional issues

between their children...because to me it means you don't understand boundaries.

(That's just me though.)

Consider this two ways:

1. Some of your nada's FB friends get sucked into your nada's online drama and

the rest just don't care (because FB is not a real representation of friendship)

and they don't have that intimate of a relationship with her. But honestly, who

cares what nada's friends think? They are flying monkeys--they don't even think

for themselves. I feel sorry for them and their inability to think or exercise

free will more than anything.

2. OR all the people on her FB have bought into her story. BUT you shouldn't

care about them, because anyone who believes someone's overly detailed sob story

on FB is just like someone who bought into one of those spam emails from the

prince of Nigeria asking you to send money and he'll pay you for some of his

inheritance. They are her patsies.

That's just my take. Hope it's a little comforting.

>

> hi all, i posted a bout 2 weeks ago about my nada having a fb account. she has

now made it quite public hrough comments on photos that she has put up of my

kids and her from the past that i am punishing her by not letting her see the

kids and my aunite who isnt even in the same country as her as gone on the

banwagon agreeing with her about how whoever is keeping this 'true love' from

happeneng as it invoves 'innocent children' will not be forgiven by God etc etc.

amazing how some can totally judge a situation without even hearing both sides.

i know what i am dong is 100% right but cant help let it affect me. i made it

very clear with my nada last year that if she wants to have a relationshoip with

my kids she needs to have a respectable and civilised one with me and my

husband, she obviously cannot stand being told what to do. now she is playing

the victim about how i am he bad daugter to all that doesnt allow her to see the

kids. whats crazy is that she thinks that just cos she has a problem with me and

my hubby that it should affect her relationship with my kids?! am going crazy or

what to tink that it totally wrong! thanks for reading gus feel a bit lowright

now. :(

>

[Guest guest]

UGH! Block her.

FB is your space, even if it is virtual. It's ok to set boundaries in

virtual life just as you do for your real life. Maybe one boundary is

that you don't want her in your virtual world. That is ok!! I didn't

accept my mother and I locked down the security on FB so that only

'friends' (those that I have explicitly accepted) can see any content

(photos of my kids.) You might also un-friend the flying monkey

patsies =). If they contact you about it, you can call them on their

drama and say that sharing family conflict publicly was inappropriate

so you unfriended her account. May be give her a second chance if she

agrees not to do that (remember, flying monkeys probably won't

change!) But stand up for yourself! You don't accept their behavior/

shame/belittling/'discipline.' You can't change them, but you can

change your own behavior and responses. Easier said than done, I

agree. You are growing, changing, moving beyond the established family

behavior patterns. Stay strong and grounded! =) We're here for you!

Hugs!

[Guest guest]

A big thankyou for all your comments. i have come to conclusion no matter how

bad she tries to make me or actions she takes, it will come back and backfire in

her face. i am a firm believer in karma and i have seen it happen. my nada

rejected me when iwas pregnant with my 3rd child and made most my family

alienate me, and now nearly 2 years letter i have found new friendships that i

am so grateful for and become more social, on the other hand my nada and her

flying monkeys have become hermits and all they try to do is bring my down as

they cant bear to see me move on from their BS and live a happy drama-free life.

Karma i am telling you is a Bi@#$%!

> >

> > hi all, i posted a bout 2 weeks ago about my nada having a fb account. she

has now made it quite public hrough comments on photos that she has put up of my

kids and her from the past that i am punishing her by not letting her see the

kids and my aunite who isnt even in the same country as her as gone on the

banwagon agreeing with her about how whoever is keeping this 'true love' from

happeneng as it invoves 'innocent children' will not be forgiven by God etc etc.

amazing how some can totally judge a situation without even hearing both sides.

i know what i am dong is 100% right but cant help let it affect me. i made it

very clear with my nada last year that if she wants to have a relationshoip with

my kids she needs to have a respectable and civilised one with me and my

husband, she obviously cannot stand being told what to do. now she is playing

the victim about how i am he bad daugter to all that doesnt allow her to see the

kids. whats crazy is that she thinks that just cos she has a problem with me and

my hubby that it should affect her relationship with my kids?! am going crazy or

what to tink that it totally wrong! thanks for reading gus feel a bit lowright

now. :(

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You go girl!

> **

>

>

> A big thankyou for all your comments. i have come to conclusion no matter

> how bad she tries to make me or actions she takes, it will come back and

> backfire in her face. i am a firm believer in karma and i have seen it

> happen. my nada rejected me when iwas pregnant with my 3rd child and made

> most my family alienate me, and now nearly 2 years letter i have found new

> friendships that i am so grateful for and become more social, on the other

> hand my nada and her flying monkeys have become hermits and all they try to

> do is bring my down as they cant bear to see me move on from their BS and

> live a happy drama-free life. Karma i am telling you is a Bi@#$%!

>

>

> > >

> > > hi all, i posted a bout 2 weeks ago about my nada having a fb account.

> she has now made it quite public hrough comments on photos that she has put

> up of my kids and her from the past that i am punishing her by not letting

> her see the kids and my aunite who isnt even in the same country as her as

> gone on the banwagon agreeing with her about how whoever is keeping this

> 'true love' from happeneng as it invoves 'innocent children' will not be

> forgiven by God etc etc. amazing how some can totally judge a situation

> without even hearing both sides. i know what i am dong is 100% right but

> cant help let it affect me. i made it very clear with my nada last year

> that if she wants to have a relationshoip with my kids she needs to have a

> respectable and civilised one with me and my husband, she obviously cannot

> stand being told what to do. now she is playing the victim about how i am

> he bad daugter to all that doesnt allow her to see the kids. whats crazy is

> that she thinks that just cos she has a problem with me and my hubby that

> it should affect her relationship with my kids?! am going crazy or what to

> tink that it totally wrong! thanks for reading gus feel a bit lowright now.

> :(

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That is awesome that you were able to create and maintain real boundaries with

your bpd mother and other family of origin members. I agree that there are

often unpleasant consequences for bad behavior, whether you call it karma or bad

consequences, its the same idea.

Me personally, I don't like Facebook and although I have an account its pretty

much inactive. I guess if you have a large family or social group it helps RE

planning events with and making announcements to a large number of people, but

I much prefer the privacy of e-mail and use e-mail almost exclusively to

communicate with my RL friends & business relationships.

To me FaceBook feels like being naked on stage, live and in person; I don't want

to see other people's nakedness and I don't want to be naked in public myself.

And I'm rather drama-avoidant anyway; don't want to be exposed to people feuding

with each other or competing aggressively / one-upping each other in person or

via FaceBook. Ick.

I guess that's my avoidant traits coming out; I'm more of an introvert by nature

(which used to drive my nada, the extrovert, crazy with frustration.) With

Yahoo! Groups there is the ability to remain private and anonymous while sharing

very intimate, personal details, and that just feels more safe and comfortable

to me.

-Annie

> > >

> > > hi all, i posted a bout 2 weeks ago about my nada having a fb account. she

has now made it quite public hrough comments on photos that she has put up of my

kids and her from the past that i am punishing her by not letting her see the

kids and my aunite who isnt even in the same country as her as gone on the

banwagon agreeing with her about how whoever is keeping this 'true love' from

happeneng as it invoves 'innocent children' will not be forgiven by God etc etc.

amazing how some can totally judge a situation without even hearing both sides.

i know what i am dong is 100% right but cant help let it affect me. i made it

very clear with my nada last year that if she wants to have a relationshoip with

my kids she needs to have a respectable and civilised one with me and my

husband, she obviously cannot stand being told what to do. now she is playing

the victim about how i am he bad daugter to all that doesnt allow her to see the

kids. whats crazy is that she thinks that just cos she has a problem with me and

my hubby that it should affect her relationship with my kids?! am going crazy or

what to tink that it totally wrong! thanks for reading gus feel a bit lowright

now. :(

> > >

> >

>