Guest guest Posted June 12, 2012 Report Share Posted June 12, 2012 OK: I am the Sunny Day Fairy and I am tinging you with my magic wand, and saying " This boon I grant thee, child. Thou mayest enjoy this Sunny Day for thyself instead of going to the nursing home, because thou art a good and dutiful daughter. " So, Enjoy this sunny day! Everyone deserves a day off from time to time! Taking some time off for yourself now and then does not make you a bad human being or a bad daughter. best wishes, -Annie > > > Yep, not the F part of FOG but just the OG on this fine sunny morning. There's a care planning meeting at the nursing home and I always go like the dutiful KO I am only to learn that NADA is the same old same old in health etc. > I don't wannna go!!! > It plunges me into depression for days! It's sunny for the first time in a week and I can use the time to continue moving out of a storage unit I need cleared by the end of the month. > I don't like the old bat! > I feel sorry for her but she created the situation that got her in the nursing home in the first place. > Talk me out of going, please! > > Em > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2012 Report Share Posted June 12, 2012 Em, Ask yourself a few questions. Why do you need to go to this meeting? Who is asking you to be there? What will happen if you don't go? How will being there change anything? Do you have any legal responsibility for dealing with your nada's health care? If not and there is no particular need for you there and nothing bad will happen if you don't go, then I see no reason for you to go. If you don't hold any power of attorney for your nada's financial or health affairs then you probably have no official say in what's going on. No one has any right to demand that you be there if you have no legal say about it. She can't demand you to be there just because you're her daughter. If the nursing home is asking you to be there, you may have to enlighten them about your relationship with her. Surely they've seen what she's like if she's been there very long. You have other things planned and you have the right to put your own needs first. At 12:35 PM 06/12/2012 wrote: >Yep, not the F part of FOG but just the OG on this fine sunny >morning. There's a care planning meeting at the nursing home >and I always go like the dutiful KO I am only to learn that >NADA is the same old same old in health etc. >I don't wannna go!!! >It plunges me into depression for days! It's sunny for the >first time in a week and I can use the time to continue moving >out of a storage unit I need cleared by the end of the month. >I don't like the old bat! >I feel sorry for her but she created the situation that got her >in the nursing home in the first place. >Talk me out of going, please! > >Em -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2012 Report Share Posted June 12, 2012 Thank you Sunny Day Fairy... Since I am sitting here drinking cinnamon pastry coffee and reading email and the meeting is in 15 minutes I would hazard a guess I will not be there. Thanks for helping me feel less guilty... I suspect I would have just gone as usual except the recent jolt I got when I reflexively said I couldn't pass a test (Nada's still in there) is preying on my mind and I'm not feeling charitably minded toward her. Em > OK: I am the Sunny Day Fairy and I am tinging you with my magic wand, and saying " This boon I grant thee, child. Thou mayest enjoy this Sunny Day for thyself instead of going to the nursing home, because thou art a good and dutiful daughter. " > > So, Enjoy this sunny day! Everyone deserves a day off from time to time! Taking some time off for yourself now and then does not make you a bad human being or a bad daughter. > > best wishes, > > -Annie > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2012 Report Share Posted June 12, 2012 Em, I agree with Katrina's points and here is a PS from me: Is it possible for you to simply receive these reports from your nada's nursing home supervisor as e-mail? Maybe if you can arrange to receive the status reports by e-mail, you only need to go over there when there is a real change in her health status that you need to discuss with her care-givers in person. Perhaps making that kind of an arrangement with the staff supervisor could cut way back on the number of trips you need to make, at least. Might be worth asking about. -Annie > > Em, > Ask yourself a few questions. Why do you need to go to this > meeting? Who is asking you to be there? What will happen if you > don't go? How will being there change anything? Do you have any > legal responsibility for dealing with your nada's health care? > If not and there is no particular need for you there and nothing > bad will happen if you don't go, then I see no reason for you to > go. If you don't hold any power of attorney for your nada's > financial or health affairs then you probably have no official > say in what's going on. No one has any right to demand that you > be there if you have no legal say about it. She can't demand you > to be there just because you're her daughter. If the nursing > home is asking you to be there, you may have to enlighten them > about your relationship with her. Surely they've seen what she's > like if she's been there very long. You have other things > planned and you have the right to put your own needs first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2012 Report Share Posted June 12, 2012 Katrina, I do hold POA, and she won't be at the meeting as her dementia is severe. In fact the last time I visited with my daughter, on mother's day, I was not entirely sure she knew I was her daughter although she recognized me. She no longer knows my daughter, thinks she is just my friend, and can't remember my name. Absolutely nothing will happen if I don't go. They just meet to discuss her health and coordinate with the physical therapists, nurse, etc. It really is just an obligation and guilt thing and nothing changes if I don't go. Amazing how FOG gets into our heads, eh? And I was just thinking that Hea, fear is part of it - fear that I will be thought of as a BAD DAUGHTER! But why do I care? They don't know the whole story and they have seen her personality come out - they have told me she can be mean! Em > Em, > Ask yourself a few questions. Why do you need to go to this > meeting? Who is asking you to be there? What will happen if you > don't go? How will being there change anything? Do you have any > legal responsibility for dealing with your nada's health care? > If not and there is no particular need for you there and nothing > bad will happen if you don't go, then I see no reason for you to > go. If you don't hold any power of attorney for your nada's > financial or health affairs then you probably have no official > say in what's going on. No one has any right to demand that you > be there if you have no legal say about it. She can't demand you > to be there just because you're her daughter. If the nursing > home is asking you to be there, you may have to enlighten them > about your relationship with her. Surely they've seen what she's > like if she's been there very long. You have other things > planned and you have the right to put your own needs first. > > At 12:35 PM 06/12/2012 wrote: > > >Yep, not the F part of FOG but just the OG on this fine sunny > >morning. There's a care planning meeting at the nursing home > >and I always go like the dutiful KO I am only to learn that > >NADA is the same old same old in health etc. > >I don't wannna go!!! > >It plunges me into depression for days! It's sunny for the > >first time in a week and I can use the time to continue moving > >out of a storage unit I need cleared by the end of the month. > >I don't like the old bat! > >I feel sorry for her but she created the situation that got her > >in the nursing home in the first place. > >Talk me out of going, please! > > > >Em > > -- > Katrina > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2012 Report Share Posted June 12, 2012 Annie, Good idea. It's a very small place though (and five minutes away) so when I do go to visit I can just grab the head nurse and ask how she's doing - the staff is all permanent, not agency workers. Lucky for me, as I could actually NEVER go to a meeting and get any info I wanted easily, even by just calling. As it is I only visit when I start to feel its been too long- sometimes every month or five weeks. She has no clue when the last time I was there was thank God. Em > Em, I agree with Katrina's points and here is a PS from me: > > Is it possible for you to simply receive these reports from your nada's nursing home supervisor as e-mail? Maybe if you can arrange to receive the status reports by e-mail, you only need to go over there when there is a real change in her health status that you need to discuss with her care-givers in person. > > Perhaps making that kind of an arrangement with the staff supervisor could cut way back on the number of trips you need to make, at least. > > Might be worth asking about. > > -Annie > > > > > > Em, > > Ask yourself a few questions. Why do you need to go to this > > meeting? Who is asking you to be there? What will happen if you > > don't go? How will being there change anything? Do you have any > > legal responsibility for dealing with your nada's health care? > > If not and there is no particular need for you there and nothing > > bad will happen if you don't go, then I see no reason for you to > > go. If you don't hold any power of attorney for your nada's > > financial or health affairs then you probably have no official > > say in what's going on. No one has any right to demand that you > > be there if you have no legal say about it. She can't demand you > > to be there just because you're her daughter. If the nursing > > home is asking you to be there, you may have to enlighten them > > about your relationship with her. Surely they've seen what she's > > like if she's been there very long. You have other things > > planned and you have the right to put your own needs first. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2012 Report Share Posted June 12, 2012 I know what you mean, Em. I'm not really sure my nada recognized me the last few times I went to visit her at the residential care home in the Alzheimer's wing. Nada seemed unusually mellow, almost like she'd had a few drinks. She was happy to see me and pleasant, but she never actually said my name. Sister told me that the nursing home staff needed for our nada to be on meds that tranquilized her because she had become violent on more than one occasion and had hurt one of them and herself. Nada's dementia had ramped up her paranoia and her delusional thinking so much that even the anti-psychotic meds weren't working that well, and she became violent when she got really agitated, fearful or angry. Even on the meds and in a mellow mood, nada at one point was telling me and Sister how the staff was trying to poison her. Its truly sad, how messed up their brains are. From my point of view, the senile dementia that nada developed just allowed other people to see how she really thought, felt, and behaved. When nada was younger, with more intact executive function in her brain, she could control her thoughts, feelings and behaviors in public, but as the dementia ate away her executive function she acted out openly against others with rage, controlling/demanding behaviors, false accusations and violence, the way she used to act out against Sister and dad and me behind the privacy of our front door. -Annie > > Annie, > Good idea. It's a very small place though (and five minutes away) so when I do go to visit I can just grab the head nurse and ask how she's doing - the staff is all permanent, not agency workers. Lucky for me, as I could actually NEVER go to a meeting and get any info I wanted easily, even by just calling. > > As it is I only visit when I start to feel its been too long- sometimes every month or five weeks. She has no clue when the last time I was there was thank God. > > Em Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 12, 2012 Report Share Posted June 12, 2012 That's really tragic, that she was so agitated and fearful towards her end. I've been fortunate that my Nada has just gotten more mellow apart from the nursing home telling me that she sometimes has her moments where she's cross, or mean to others as they call it. She doesn't actually get into any rages or violence, probably because she has senile dementia of the generic cause, and not Alzheimer's. I believe she has frontotemporal lobe dementia, actually, but who knows. She is also medicated with antidepressants, though. One reason I'm pretty sure she didn't know who I was is because she normally introduces me as " my daughter, she's so nice to me " to everyone she sees while I am there. Even people who already know me. And this last time, none of that. At least, as you say, she's pleasant and happy when I go, which makes it a lot less stressful, as less stressful as visiting a sad nursing home full of dying people can be. :-( Em > I know what you mean, Em. I'm not really sure my nada recognized me the last few times I went to visit her at the residential care home in the Alzheimer's wing. Nada seemed unusually mellow, almost like she'd had a few drinks. She was happy to see me and pleasant, but she never actually said my name. > > Sister told me that the nursing home staff needed for our nada to be on meds that tranquilized her because she had become violent on more than one occasion and had hurt one of them and herself. Nada's dementia had ramped up her paranoia and her delusional thinking so much that even the anti-psychotic meds weren't working that well, and she became violent when she got really agitated, fearful or angry. Even on the meds and in a mellow mood, nada at one point was telling me and Sister how the staff was trying to poison her. > > Its truly sad, how messed up their brains are. > > From my point of view, the senile dementia that nada developed just allowed other people to see how she really thought, felt, and behaved. When nada was younger, with more intact executive function in her brain, she could control her thoughts, feelings and behaviors in public, but as the dementia ate away her executive function she acted out openly against others with rage, controlling/demanding behaviors, false accusations and violence, the way she used to act out against Sister and dad and me behind the privacy of our front door. > > -Annie > > > > > > Annie, > > Good idea. It's a very small place though (and five minutes away) so when I do go to visit I can just grab the head nurse and ask how she's doing - the staff is all permanent, not agency workers. Lucky for me, as I could actually NEVER go to a meeting and get any info I wanted easily, even by just calling. > > > > As it is I only visit when I start to feel its been too long- sometimes every month or five weeks. She has no clue when the last time I was there was thank God. > > > > Em > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Oh, Em! I'm so sorry. Do you *have* to go? Can you call one of the staff later in the week and have them fill you in on what was discussed (if it's a meeting with more than one family, that is; don't know if it's a meeting with just you and staff)? Take care of you!! > > > Yep, not the F part of FOG but just the OG on this fine sunny morning. There's a care planning meeting at the nursing home and I always go like the dutiful KO I am only to learn that NADA is the same old same old in health etc. > I don't wannna go!!! > It plunges me into depression for days! It's sunny for the first time in a week and I can use the time to continue moving out of a storage unit I need cleared by the end of the month. > I don't like the old bat! > I feel sorry for her but she created the situation that got her in the nursing home in the first place. > Talk me out of going, please! > > Em > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Annie, I love it! > > > > > > Yep, not the F part of FOG but just the OG on this fine sunny morning. There's a care planning meeting at the nursing home and I always go like the dutiful KO I am only to learn that NADA is the same old same old in health etc. > > I don't wannna go!!! > > It plunges me into depression for days! It's sunny for the first time in a week and I can use the time to continue moving out of a storage unit I need cleared by the end of the month. > > I don't like the old bat! > > I feel sorry for her but she created the situation that got her in the nursing home in the first place. > > Talk me out of going, please! > > > > Em > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Yay!! I'm glad you didn't go. Siiiiiighh... There will be other meetings, surely. > > > OK: I am the Sunny Day Fairy and I am tinging you with my magic wand, and saying " This boon I grant thee, child. Thou mayest enjoy this Sunny Day for thyself instead of going to the nursing home, because thou art a good and dutiful daughter. " > > > > So, Enjoy this sunny day! Everyone deserves a day off from time to time! Taking some time off for yourself now and then does not make you a bad human being or a bad daughter. > > > > best wishes, > > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.