Stroking her ego to get what I need.

[Guest guest]

Hello! I wrote " Shame happens " last week. Thanks for your encouragement!

An update:

Turns out my client is a narcissist. Of course! That's why I had all that

unnecessary shame triggering over the last week. I continue to struggle with

confusion and awful dread about her (but my biz mentors and even attorney are

telling me she's the one with the issues and her claims against me are bogus).

Today I tried one last time to reason with her...she doesn't want to get it! So

it's time to let her go! But my " queen " client could easily damage my biz

reputation with gossip.

So I'm staying gentle, professional and polite.

And I'm tactfully stroking her ego to fire her!

I emailed her:

" It's really important to me that you feel comfortable with the services you

hire. I know you've got so much going on and don't need the extra stress.

So in a month if you're still uncomfortable with how I'm moving my business

forward, we should prepare an exit plan. And let's plan for you to hire someone

else ASAP so you have a peace of mind. I'll even train your next person, free

of charge. " (So there's no excuse for her to wait).

I'm happy to grovel and fan her ego OUT OF MY DOOR ASAP!

And if she wants to keep me, well...I'll know she's choosing to remain unhappy

with me. I'll ask if she's still feeling uncomfortable and ask " What kind of

services would make you comfortable? " Then I'll say, " It sounds like you need an

employee rather than a contractor. I hate watching my clients stress. It just

means my biz is no longer a fit! So let's get you a solution quickly. " grin

So I'm lying to her? Yes, basically I am! Isn't that wrong?

Sure...with normal people!

But this narcissist is living in Wonderland! So in order to be free, I've got to

play by " her rules " and not take it personally. Just sit down at her tea party

and pretend to drink. Swallow the pride so you can be released from her kingdom!

Because I will do WHATEVER it takes to be free of emotional manipulation. I must

take better care for myself! My time, heart and business is too valuable to

waste dealing with personality disorders!

Believe me...my family is ENOUGH!

From now on, I'm screening potential clients for personality disorders. Maybe I

should give them a test...ha! Or design one....

3 Questions to Ask Your Client to Avoid Personality Disorders! Ha!!

Have a good night! Mine will be better. I'm feeling empowered.

> >

> > Hello Beautiful Women,

> >

> > I hope you are all doing well today. It's wonderful that we can move

forward together in healing. Having a platform to say what is on my heart helps

tremendously. And reading your stories is inspiring.

> >

> > How much of my day do I spend feeling shameful? Probably a high percentage.

And I'm so use to the emotion, I don't even see how it dictates my life. But I

see it's results in my struggle to create an abundant lifestyle for myself,

dating emotional available men, my finances, my eating and etc.... How it

affects my relationships.

> >

> > It sucks.

> >

> > I know the worst thing I can do is try to avoid, ignore, or fix my feelings.

They are what they are. I can't stop them from happening, but I can control how

much power I give them.

> >

> > Like my mom. After years of my own work, she has little power over my life.

So when she pulls her bpd moves, I visualize myself patting her on the head and

almost playfully saying, " oh...that's my little borderline mom! " Because I

accept she is who she is.

> >

> > Maybe that's what I need to do...accept that the shame happens.

> >

> > After all I want these shameful feelings to have as much power over me as

opening the door at Halloween & having a 9-year-old in a " scary " outfit who

jumps out from behind the bushes shouting " boo! "

> >

> > You may be startled by them. It could take you a second to even recover.

But at the end of the day you crack a grin at their attempt to scare you, hand

them a treat, shut the door and go back to your evening.

> >

> > So when those shameful feelings get triggered, I'm going to treat them as if

my door bell suddenly rang and it's me as a kid in a Halloween costume trying to

startled me. I'll look at me, pat myself on the head or even give myself a hug.

Then I'll say....

> >

> > " Oh...you're my little childhood shame. But I'm an adult now. I know you

come around a lot, but you can't come in. But here's a treat. Now be on your

way. " And then I shut the door and feel that sense of power, protection and

pride for myself.

> >

> > Then I'll get back to my day. And maybe that shame will come around less

and less.

> >

> > Thanks for reading!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am impressed at the very professional and proactive handle you have on

managing a graceful exit for this difficult, personality-disordered client.

Wow! I think its going to go very smoothly because of how you are handling it.

You SHOULD feel very empowered, Grrrrl! A high-five salute from me for your

professionalism, and for sharing your techniques with us.

-Annie

>

> Hello! I wrote " Shame happens " last week. Thanks for your encouragement!

>

> An update:

>

> Turns out my client is a narcissist. Of course! That's why I had all that

unnecessary shame triggering over the last week. I continue to struggle with

confusion and awful dread about her (but my biz mentors and even attorney are

telling me she's the one with the issues and her claims against me are bogus).

>

> Today I tried one last time to reason with her...she doesn't want to get it!

So it's time to let her go! But my " queen " client could easily damage my biz

reputation with gossip.

>

> So I'm staying gentle, professional and polite.

> And I'm tactfully stroking her ego to fire her!

>

> I emailed her:

>

> " It's really important to me that you feel comfortable with the services you

hire. I know you've got so much going on and don't need the extra stress.

>

> So in a month if you're still uncomfortable with how I'm moving my business

forward, we should prepare an exit plan. And let's plan for you to hire someone

else ASAP so you have a peace of mind. I'll even train your next person, free

of charge. " (So there's no excuse for her to wait).

>

> I'm happy to grovel and fan her ego OUT OF MY DOOR ASAP!

>

> And if she wants to keep me, well...I'll know she's choosing to remain unhappy

with me. I'll ask if she's still feeling uncomfortable and ask " What kind of

services would make you comfortable? " Then I'll say, " It sounds like you need an

employee rather than a contractor. I hate watching my clients stress. It just

means my biz is no longer a fit! So let's get you a solution quickly. " grin

>

> So I'm lying to her? Yes, basically I am! Isn't that wrong?

> Sure...with normal people!

>

> But this narcissist is living in Wonderland! So in order to be free, I've got

to play by " her rules " and not take it personally. Just sit down at her tea

party and pretend to drink. Swallow the pride so you can be released from her

kingdom!

>

> Because I will do WHATEVER it takes to be free of emotional manipulation. I

must take better care for myself! My time, heart and business is too valuable to

waste dealing with personality disorders!

>

> Believe me...my family is ENOUGH!

>

> From now on, I'm screening potential clients for personality disorders. Maybe

I should give them a test...ha! Or design one....

> 3 Questions to Ask Your Client to Avoid Personality Disorders! Ha!!

>

> Have a good night! Mine will be better. I'm feeling empowered.

>

[Guest guest]

That was very professional!

And I don't think you're lying. You're spinning. Ego-stroking is just about the

only way to diffuse a Narc. I like the way you are giving her the sense that she

is in complete control of the situation. I predict she will respond favorably

(i.e., leave you). She will like the bit about your offering to train the new

person, as she feels she is " special " and deserves consideration like this.

Well done...let us know how she responds.

Sveta

P.S., If you're going to screen all clients for PDs, be prepared never to work

again--they're EVERYWHERE! ;-) j/k. Kind of.