Disabled Non BP needs guidance

[Guest guest]

Hello, I'm new to this so I'm going to try my best to help anyone who wants to

read this understand where I am coming from.

My Mother is BPD. I have read many books, including " Stop Walking on Eggshells " .

Nothing that I have read so far has covered how to manage a relationship with a

BP parent when you're a disabled child, adult or not.

I have many physical disabilities that have caused me to have to move in with

her. I am very grateful for I don't know where I would be otherwise. I am

finding that the stress of her behavior is causing my health to continue to

decline.

I have very clearly stated that the way she responds to me may be a contributing

factor to my worsening conditions. Of course I get the token appreciation for my

concern...and then around and around we go.

Please tell me there is someone else out there who shares this problem. I am

truly empathetic and sorry that anyone would have to endure either of these

conditions, especially both. I cannot be alone in this. But right now, I am.

Nonbpae

[Guest guest]

Are you completely dependent on her, i.e. is she your legal caretaker?

>

> Hello, I'm new to this so I'm going to try my best to help anyone who wants to

read this understand where I am coming from.

>

> My Mother is BPD. I have read many books, including " Stop Walking on

Eggshells " . Nothing that I have read so far has covered how to manage a

relationship with a BP parent when you're a disabled child, adult or not.

>

> I have many physical disabilities that have caused me to have to move in with

her. I am very grateful for I don't know where I would be otherwise. I am

finding that the stress of her behavior is causing my health to continue to

decline.

>

> I have very clearly stated that the way she responds to me may be a

contributing factor to my worsening conditions. Of course I get the token

appreciation for my concern...and then around and around we go.

>

> Please tell me there is someone else out there who shares this problem. I am

truly empathetic and sorry that anyone would have to endure either of these

conditions, especially both. I cannot be alone in this. But right now, I am.

>

> Nonbpae

>

[Guest guest]

maybe the moderator of this board or Randi Kreger (coauthor of Stop Walking on

Eggshells) could provide you with some resources, since they may have more

access to them? Randi does post here from time to time and I'm sure she would

respond to you if you reached out to her.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, esp your having to be so dependent on

your mother. Please know we are here for you, even if you just need to vent.

We're here.

Fiona

>

> Hello, I'm new to this so I'm going to try my best to help anyone who wants to

read this understand where I am coming from.

>

> My Mother is BPD. I have read many books, including " Stop Walking on

Eggshells " . Nothing that I have read so far has covered how to manage a

relationship with a BP parent when you're a disabled child, adult or not.

>

> I have many physical disabilities that have caused me to have to move in with

her. I am very grateful for I don't know where I would be otherwise. I am

finding that the stress of her behavior is causing my health to continue to

decline.

>

> I have very clearly stated that the way she responds to me may be a

contributing factor to my worsening conditions. Of course I get the token

appreciation for my concern...and then around and around we go.

>

> Please tell me there is someone else out there who shares this problem. I am

truly empathetic and sorry that anyone would have to endure either of these

conditions, especially both. I cannot be alone in this. But right now, I am.

>

> Nonbpae

>

[Guest guest]

Hello,

What state do you currently reside in? I may be able to find someone who can

help. I work for a non profit and we specialize in helping individuals living

with disabilities. We are also part of a couple national alliances that can

provide resources. I don't know how to private message but if you would like to

send me an email we can see what we can find.

-Camila

> maybe the moderator of this board or Randi Kreger (coauthor of Stop Walking on

Eggshells) could provide you with some resources, since they may have more

access to them? Randi does post here from time to time and I'm sure she would

respond to you if you reached out to her.

>

> I'm sorry for what you're going through, esp your having to be so dependent on

your mother. Please know we are here for you, even if you just need to vent.

>

> We're here.

>

> Fiona

>

>

> >

> > Hello, I'm new to this so I'm going to try my best to help anyone who wants

to read this understand where I am coming from.

> >

> > My Mother is BPD. I have read many books, including " Stop Walking on

Eggshells " . Nothing that I have read so far has covered how to manage a

relationship with a BP parent when you're a disabled child, adult or not.

> >

> > I have many physical disabilities that have caused me to have to move in

with her. I am very grateful for I don't know where I would be otherwise. I am

finding that the stress of her behavior is causing my health to continue to

decline.

> >

> > I have very clearly stated that the way she responds to me may be a

contributing factor to my worsening conditions. Of course I get the token

appreciation for my concern...and then around and around we go.

> >

> > Please tell me there is someone else out there who shares this problem. I am

truly empathetic and sorry that anyone would have to endure either of these

conditions, especially both. I cannot be alone in this. But right now, I am.

> >

> > Nonbpae

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Nonbpae,

Welcome to the Group. Truly, you have described one of the most extremely

difficult positions to be in: to be ill and financially dependent on/ living

with an abusive parent. Brava to the posters who have offered ideas and

offered to contact you offline about resources that may be helpful to you; I

sincerely hope that you can connect with one or more service organizations for

the disabled that can help you find an alternative to living with your bpd

mother.

Meanwhile, have you tried the " Medium Chill " technique? Perhaps that will

help, at least a little. Its a way to minimize your emotional engagement with

difficult, personality-disordered people. I've found that " Medium Chill " was

useful in my own case, when I had no choice but to spend time with my borderline

pd/narcissistic pd mother with whom I was in virtually No Contact for several

years before she died.

I posted the article about " Medium Chill " here: go to message #132289 of this

Group, (posted Saturday July 30, 2011). Its short, but it packs a lot of info.

I hope that helps. And I hope you will find as much emotional support and

validation, peace, and healing here at this Group as I have, the members here

are a great bunch of people who truly understand what it means to be the

child/adult child of a personality disordered parent.

-Annie

>

> Hello, I'm new to this so I'm going to try my best to help anyone who wants to

read this understand where I am coming from.

>

> My Mother is BPD. I have read many books, including " Stop Walking on

Eggshells " . Nothing that I have read so far has covered how to manage a

relationship with a BP parent when you're a disabled child, adult or not.

>

> I have many physical disabilities that have caused me to have to move in with

her. I am very grateful for I don't know where I would be otherwise. I am

finding that the stress of her behavior is causing my health to continue to

decline.

>

> I have very clearly stated that the way she responds to me may be a

contributing factor to my worsening conditions. Of course I get the token

appreciation for my concern...and then around and around we go.

>

> Please tell me there is someone else out there who shares this problem. I am

truly empathetic and sorry that anyone would have to endure either of these

conditions, especially both. I cannot be alone in this. But right now, I am.

>

> Nonbpae

>

[Guest guest]

Nonbpae,

Although I don't have experience of long-term life with a BP parent while being

disabled myself, I got a glimpse of what you must be going through a few years

back. My husband and I needed to go stay with my mother after we sold our condo

and were looking for a house to buy.

I had fallen and shattered my kneecap and had surgery to piece it together, and

was in a long leg brace and wheelchair while it healed - this was early in the

healing process.

Nada was horrible towards me - I was completely dependent upon my husband and in

fact would not have been allowed to go home at all if he hadn't been available

to care for me (I would have been sent to rehab) and when he did things for me,

necessary things, she would say things like:

Oh, you're taking the Queen her coffee?

Oh, the Queen wants something to eat?

Basically I got the impression that she resented the fact that I needed care

that took attention away from her. I told my husband that I had never felt so

unwelcome anywhere as in my own mother's house.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I can only imagine how hard it is

for you and hope you can get some help from someone else.

I see a few other people have had a few suggestions but really I don't have any

myself - I just wanted you to know that this is a good place to come because

people here do get what life with a Nada, as we call our bpd mothers, is like.

Em

> Hello, I'm new to this so I'm going to try my best to help anyone who wants to

read this understand where I am coming from.

>

> My Mother is BPD. I have read many books, including " Stop Walking on

Eggshells " . Nothing that I have read so far has covered how to manage a

relationship with a BP parent when you're a disabled child, adult or not.

>

> I have many physical disabilities that have caused me to have to move in with

her. I am very grateful for I don't know where I would be otherwise. I am

finding that the stress of her behavior is causing my health to continue to

decline.

>

> I have very clearly stated that the way she responds to me may be a

contributing factor to my worsening conditions. Of course I get the token

appreciation for my concern...and then around and around we go.

>

> Please tell me there is someone else out there who shares this problem. I am

truly empathetic and sorry that anyone would have to endure either of these

conditions, especially both. I cannot be alone in this. But right now, I am.

>

> Nonbpae

>

>

[Guest guest]

Have you looked into resources in your community that might allow you to live

alone with regular in-home-care, or would you even be comfortable with doing

something like that?

 

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, June 13, 2012 2:06 PM

Subject: Disabled Non BP needs guidance

 

Hello, I'm new to this so I'm going to try my best to help anyone who wants to

read this understand where I am coming from.

My Mother is BPD. I have read many books, including " Stop Walking on Eggshells " .

Nothing that I have read so far has covered how to manage a relationship with a

BP parent when you're a disabled child, adult or not.

I have many physical disabilities that have caused me to have to move in with

her. I am very grateful for I don't know where I would be otherwise. I am

finding that the stress of her behavior is causing my health to continue to

decline.

I have very clearly stated that the way she responds to me may be a contributing

factor to my worsening conditions. Of course I get the token appreciation for my

concern...and then around and around we go.

Please tell me there is someone else out there who shares this problem. I am

truly empathetic and sorry that anyone would have to endure either of these

conditions, especially both. I cannot be alone in this. But right now, I am.

Nonbpae

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I can really relate to what you are saying. I myself am a PWD (person with a

disability), and I had to live with my nada for two years. The stress nearly

drove me into an inpatient psychiatric admission (I'm not joking; I have chronic

Major Depressive Disorder). I work for a Center for Independent Living (CIL)in

Indianapolis; we help people with all types of disabilities lead more

independent lives. Every state has CILs and most counties are served by them. I

would strongly recommend getting in touch with them. Services are free, and most

of the employees likely have a disability too, so they know what you're going

through. If you have internet access, look up " center for independent living "

cross referenced with the name of your state and county. Or email me at

smartin@..., and I will look it up for you.

You do not have to be in thrall to your nada just because you have a disability.

I got free and so will you.

My best wishes to you,

Sherry

>

> Hello, I'm new to this so I'm going to try my best to help anyone who wants to

read this understand where I am coming from.

>

> My Mother is BPD. I have read many books, including " Stop Walking on

Eggshells " . Nothing that I have read so far has covered how to manage a

relationship with a BP parent when you're a disabled child, adult or not.

>

> I have many physical disabilities that have caused me to have to move in with

her. I am very grateful for I don't know where I would be otherwise. I am

finding that the stress of her behavior is causing my health to continue to

decline.

>

> I have very clearly stated that the way she responds to me may be a

contributing factor to my worsening conditions. Of course I get the token

appreciation for my concern...and then around and around we go.

>

> Please tell me there is someone else out there who shares this problem. I am

truly empathetic and sorry that anyone would have to endure either of these

conditions, especially both. I cannot be alone in this. But right now, I am.

>

> Nonbpae

>