Guest guest Posted June 17, 2012 Report Share Posted June 17, 2012 I am surprised by how hard this day has been for me. I expected Mother's Day to be a nightmare as I knew my nada would violate my NC boundary, but I am sad that protecting myself from my nada has meant having to go NC with my imperfect, enabling, schizoid PD but totally nonviolent father who I honestly believed did the best he could with a very limited skillset and an enormous fear of my witch nada. I really miss him today, I know he loved me and did the best he could given his disability and fear of my nada. I really wish I had a normal family today. Anyone else missing their BPD or enabling dad today and wishing they had normalcy or am I just losing it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2012 Report Share Posted June 17, 2012 It's a strange day for me. I really prefer to kind of just not know when mother's and father's days are and I usually pay a degree of selective inattention to the dates. Sometimes the commercial world just makes this too hard to maintain. My father was violent in the extreme, so it's probably entirely different than your situation, where your dad was maybe the safer parent to be attached to. (My bpd nada was perhaps marginally the better parent, which is not saying too much.) What is strange to me is thinking that I don't have a father, I never had a father, and I have not really ever felt that that man whose house I grew up in was my father. He has always been a stranger I lived with. My sense of what a father is and does comes entirely from my fairly brief experience in foster care when I was about 2. I have a profound sense of loss for that man. Being returned to my parents was like being stolen. Days like these do call up all sorts of intense feelings--loss, a longing for things that will never happen, nostalgia for those good moments we've had. I don't think you're losing it. Mixed feelings for mixed-up people seem normal to me. Take care, Ashana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 17, 2012 Report Share Posted June 17, 2012 I get it. I never knew my real father. I had a stepfather from the time I was 3 until he started going LC with me in junior high (I was 11 when he left nada), and I think he's NPD. But I still miss the idea of a father on Father's Day, the Dad I never got to have. I have friends now who are fathers, and who are amazing at it, so I remember the day for them. But I am sad for me, for us. I too long for normalcy. But for now I'm just grateful for the healing I've found so far and the friends I've found along the way. ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Sunday, June 17, 2012 10:20 AM Subject: Father's Day  I am surprised by how hard this day has been for me. I expected Mother's Day to be a nightmare as I knew my nada would violate my NC boundary, but I am sad that protecting myself from my nada has meant having to go NC with my imperfect, enabling, schizoid PD but totally nonviolent father who I honestly believed did the best he could with a very limited skillset and an enormous fear of my witch nada. I really miss him today, I know he loved me and did the best he could given his disability and fear of my nada. I really wish I had a normal family today. Anyone else missing their BPD or enabling dad today and wishing they had normalcy or am I just losing it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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