BPD/ALCOHOLIC MOTHER

[Guest guest]

I am curious how others deal with an aging BPD/Alcholic mother who is now

begining to have health problems.  I am an only child (45 yrs. old) my Nada is

67 and even though everyone who knows her knows how difficult she is to deal

with I am still " expected " to somehow fix her,  or some how change her abusive

behavior. I know of  course I have no control over her behavior.   I went to

ALANON for years but I am frustrated that her boyfriend keeps calling me and

expects me to somehow fix the situation since he is tired of dealing with her

drinking and abuse and wants to throw her out. 

 

Yessterday she called and asked if she can home to live near me.  She is in

Florida which is over 1,000 miles away from me.   I said NO you cannot live with

me ever again.   She is raging mad at me now and of course went into trying to

guilt me etc.  then when that didn't  work she resulted to insults, attacks

etc.  I hung up.  She does get a pension from my dad who passed away 5 years ago

so she has some money but she just blows thru it every month and has never had

to really provide for herself.  She has made a career of living off of

others.    She can be quite charming and nice when she wants something or when

she initially meets someone but then when you let her in she is a nightmare. 

 

This is a lifetime of  this with her and we have gone down that road before of

me taking her in and and it was always horrible.  She is horribly abusive when

drunk and she drinks everyday so i can 't deal with living with her like that

nor do I really want her living near me becuase she will have no problem showing

up all hours of the night drunk.  Thru the years I have been LC, NC and  Daily

Contact. Each one has distinct drawbacks and upsides.  LC is probally the best

for me but it is hard to enforce because as soon as you open the door she barges

thru and starts calling everyday again.   This is all so difficult. 

 

However, as she ages I wonder if I will have to end up moving her back here to

live close by. It is a scary thought. 

 

My fear is what do you do when they get older and  begin to have health issues

and you are the only child. 

It would be great if  anyone has been thru some of this and can share there

experiences.  

 

Tracey