mood: is my funk part of mourning and acceptance?

[Guest guest]

Hi.

When my nada used to go off on me...or play games...I'd end up in a funk for

awhile. Just a day or two. Then pick myself up and use all of the tools I've

acquired to get back on track with my life. Now that I'm getting clearer about

her BPD and not getting sucked in I've noticed my emotions have changed. Her

latest game is not returning phone calls.She hasn't returned my call now for 3

weeks. I know, I should be happy. heh heh Helping me with the NC. But there is a

big part of me that is sad and alone.

It is different than in the past....then I was not only sad,abandoned feeling

and made to feel like I was bad...on occasion I would cry a really hard deep

cry.

Now that I know what is going on it isn't as bad...only a few tears come to the

surface...but I lack motivation for a day or two. Then pick myself up again.

It's not often...maybe once a month or so. I'm just needing your affirmation, I

guess. Is it acceptance and mourning. Sad...but not as aimless as the confused

sadness.

I'm actually really good at trying to see the positive in things...but at this

time I'm telling myself to feel the sadness and work through it and it will

become less and less as time goes by.

[Guest guest]

nougat,

It sounds about right to me. There is still a sadness at the rejection I am sure

despite your own desire to establish boundaries and go NC, but this is just what

you have been trained for. Your nada will use this to control you. She cuts you

off, right about the time that you are about to go NC which throws you into a

depression at her rejection and now when she finally does call you, you will be

oh so grateful. Annie can word this a lot better than I can, but that is what it

seems like to me. I don't get depressed when mine won't return calls anymore, I

used to get angry, that she didn't have a right to punish me, that I should be

the one punishing her! Now I just roll with it. I call her once, if I am going

to. If she doesn't answer or call back, oh well. more the better.

On a side note, I notice that you don't seem to start your own threads, which is

fine, but your needs may get lost in an old thread when you introduce a new

subject. IF you don't know how to start your own, it is on the left hand side

of the screen and just says Post. it is right underneath Home and Messages.

(this is if you are reading messages on the WTO yahoo groups page, not sure if

you are reading from the digest or email updates) I know you are one of our

newer posters and sometilmes when we KO's find this oasis of care we just jump

in and it takes a bit till we learn all the language and other tidbits. C

>

>

> Hi.

>

> When my nada used to go off on me...or play games...I'd end up in a funk for

awhile. Just a day or two. Then pick myself up and use all of the tools I've

acquired to get back on track with my life. Now that I'm getting clearer about

her BPD and not getting sucked in I've noticed my emotions have changed. Her

latest game is not returning phone calls.She hasn't returned my call now for 3

weeks. I know, I should be happy. heh heh Helping me with the NC. But there is a

big part of me that is sad and alone.

>

> It is different than in the past....then I was not only sad,abandoned feeling

and made to feel like I was bad...on occasion I would cry a really hard deep

cry.

>

> Now that I know what is going on it isn't as bad...only a few tears come to

the surface...but I lack motivation for a day or two. Then pick myself up again.

It's not often...maybe once a month or so. I'm just needing your affirmation, I

guess. Is it acceptance and mourning. Sad...but not as aimless as the confused

sadness.

>

> I'm actually really good at trying to see the positive in things...but at this

time I'm telling myself to feel the sadness and work through it and it will

become less and less as time goes by.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Nougat,

It's totally normal to feel sad about your nada's rejective behavior. I

think the pain has less power over time as we emotionally distance

ourselves as much as possible, anticipate the feelings and also find good

ways to cope.

It sounds like you're doing all of those things. Good for you.

Hang in there. Do something nice for yourself today.

Warmly,

April

> **

>

>

> nougat,

>

> It sounds about right to me. There is still a sadness at the rejection I

> am sure despite your own desire to establish boundaries and go NC, but this

> is just what you have been trained for. Your nada will use this to control

> you. She cuts you off, right about the time that you are about to go NC

> which throws you into a depression at her rejection and now when she

> finally does call you, you will be oh so grateful. Annie can word this a

> lot better than I can, but that is what it seems like to me. I don't get

> depressed when mine won't return calls anymore, I used to get angry, that

> she didn't have a right to punish me, that I should be the one punishing

> her! Now I just roll with it. I call her once, if I am going to. If she

> doesn't answer or call back, oh well. more the better.

>

> On a side note, I notice that you don't seem to start your own threads,

> which is fine, but your needs may get lost in an old thread when you

> introduce a new subject. IF you don't know how to start your own, it is on

> the left hand side of the screen and just says Post. it is right underneath

> Home and Messages. (this is if you are reading messages on the WTO yahoo

> groups page, not sure if you are reading from the digest or email updates)

> I know you are one of our newer posters and sometilmes when we KO's find

> this oasis of care we just jump in and it takes a bit till we learn all the

> language and other tidbits. C

>

>

> >

> >

> > Hi.

> >

> > When my nada used to go off on me...or play games...I'd end up in a funk

> for awhile. Just a day or two. Then pick myself up and use all of the tools

> I've acquired to get back on track with my life. Now that I'm getting

> clearer about her BPD and not getting sucked in I've noticed my emotions

> have changed. Her latest game is not returning phone calls.She hasn't

> returned my call now for 3 weeks. I know, I should be happy. heh heh

> Helping me with the NC. But there is a big part of me that is sad and

> alone.

> >

> > It is different than in the past....then I was not only sad,abandoned

> feeling and made to feel like I was bad...on occasion I would cry a really

> hard deep cry.

> >

> > Now that I know what is going on it isn't as bad...only a few tears come

> to the surface...but I lack motivation for a day or two. Then pick myself

> up again. It's not often...maybe once a month or so. I'm just needing your

> affirmation, I guess. Is it acceptance and mourning. Sad...but not as

> aimless as the confused sadness.

> >

> > I'm actually really good at trying to see the positive in things...but

> at this time I'm telling myself to feel the sadness and work through it and

> it will become less and less as time goes by.

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

To CmeBfree: I saw your test post, wanted to reply to it but it says it can't

be retrieved. Not sure what's going on. I know when I first joined the group I

would click on the wrong option at the bottom. I forget which one but then I

couldn't see it when I sent it. Now I click on web post and it shows up. But

you're an experienced poster here so something else must be going on. Hope it

clears up soon.

> >

> >

> > Hi.

> >

> > When my nada used to go off on me...or play games...I'd end up in a funk for

awhile. Just a day or two. Then pick myself up and use all of the tools I've

acquired to get back on track with my life. Now that I'm getting clearer about

her BPD and not getting sucked in I've noticed my emotions have changed. Her

latest game is not returning phone calls.She hasn't returned my call now for 3

weeks. I know, I should be happy. heh heh Helping me with the NC. But there is a

big part of me that is sad and alone.

> >

> > It is different than in the past....then I was not only sad,abandoned

feeling and made to feel like I was bad...on occasion I would cry a really hard

deep cry.

> >

> > Now that I know what is going on it isn't as bad...only a few tears come to

the surface...but I lack motivation for a day or two. Then pick myself up again.

It's not often...maybe once a month or so. I'm just needing your affirmation, I

guess. Is it acceptance and mourning. Sad...but not as aimless as the confused

sadness.

> >

> > I'm actually really good at trying to see the positive in things...but at

this time I'm telling myself to feel the sadness and work through it and it will

become less and less as time goes by.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Irene, thanks for the response, I did see one of my replies finally show up. I

posted it at least five or ten minutes before my test post but it finally showed

up five minutes after that test post. There is something weird going on for

sure. C

>

> To CmeBfree: I saw your test post, wanted to reply to it but it says it can't

be retrieved. Not sure what's going on. I know when I first joined the group I

would click on the wrong option at the bottom. I forget which one but then I

couldn't see it when I sent it. Now I click on web post and it shows up. But

you're an experienced poster here so something else must be going on. Hope it

clears up soon.