Re : Re: Effects of BPD Mom

[Guest guest]

Dear Sveta,

Many of them sound so familiar to me .....

If I would describe how it is for me, I would say, that Nada empeached me to set

any boundaries to protect myself, from my very early age. But it is more that

only boundaries. A mother is ment to teach to her child a set of markers

defining the caracteristics of a relationship.

I was never alllowed to lie while my nada was lying all the time, and I had to

believe her lies as " the Truth " . I had to trust her lies as the truth.

I used today to call her " The Pravda " , meaning in this dictatorship, her " truth "

was the only authorized version of the reality.

In my today's life, I have often met difficulties in relationships to recognize

if someone is lying to me or is sincere. I tend to believe anyone, to trust

anyone. I miss the " markers " which would show me that I should not trust this or

that person. I tend to trust too much people I don't know enough. I don't have

inside me the defense system to protect me. This system hasn't been able to

build itself when I was a child because nada empeached me to.

Today I am very angry against Nada for all the damages she has caused in my

young adult life because of her dictatorship in my childhood, shaping me like

someone in which you can read like in an opened book. :-(

Today I have very little relationships, because I am so scared not to choose

them wisely and to be used or lied to or trapped.

The other big effect in my life from Nada's Siberian Ice World has been a very

deep love missing feeling, which expressed itself in my body first when I was

not yet one year old, by rickets, which Louise Hay has classified as the

expression of " Emotional malnutrition, lack of love and security " . And which is

still inside my heart today, a kind of lack of hope of ever receiving love (this

unconditional maternal love she never gave to me, and I know I won't receive it

from anyone else).

This hopeless feeling often materializes in my every day life by inerty which I

have to fight against every day.

Hope all this could help some of you. 

I wish most of you don't feel like I feel because for me it is a day after day

fight, I mean it is hard every day.

Take all very good care of yourselves.

Natacha

________________________________

De : svaktshka svaktshka@...>

À : WTOAdultChildren1

Envoyé le : Lundi 25 juin 2012 20h38

Objet : Re: Effects of BPD Mom

 

Here's a short list of possibilities off the top of my head. It is by no means

exhaustive:

depression

anxiety

PTSD

chronic fatigue or physical ailments, such as fibromyalgia

" mind-reading " (assuming you know--or should know--what other people are

thinking or feeling)

conflict avoidance (instead of talking/working through it)

co-dependence and a need to be the " helper " or " fixer "

thinking other people's moods are your fault or your responsibility

passive-aggression

negative self-view; the other alternative is unhealthy narcissism

perfectionism/procrastination

inability to say " no "

other " fleas " (learned BPD behaviors), such as:

black-and-white thinking (all or nothing)/splitting (people are alternately

idealized or devalued)

fear of abandonment

impulsivity

labile moods

little sense of one's individual identity

lax interpersonal boundaries

etc.

How about those? Any of those sound familiar?

Sveta