Re : Re: Effects of BPD Mom

[Guest guest]

Someone suggested a meditation to me once to increase self love. It involved

getting into a meditative state and thinking of someone you have a pure love for

(especially a pet). You focus on the love you feel for that person or animal,

how it is unconditional. Once you have that feeling down, you turn it onto

yourself. Feel the love you feel for your pet or friend or God or

whatever...feel it for yourself.

Deanna

>

> Dear Sveta,

>

> Many of them sound so familiar to me .....

>

> If I would describe how it is for me, I would say, that Nada empeached me to

set any boundaries to protect myself, from my very early age. But it is more

that only boundaries. A mother is ment to teach to her child a set of markers

defining the caracteristics of a relationship.

>

> I was never alllowed to lie while my nada was lying all the time, and I had to

believe her lies as " the Truth " . I had to trust her lies as the truth.

>

> I used today to call her " The Pravda " , meaning in this dictatorship, her

" truth " was the only authorized version of the reality.

>

> In my today's life, I have often met difficulties in relationships to

recognize if someone is lying to me or is sincere. I tend to believe anyone, to

trust anyone. I miss the " markers " which would show me that I should not trust

this or that person. I tend to trust too much people I don't know enough. I

don't have inside me the defense system to protect me. This system hasn't been

able to build itself when I was a child because nada empeached me to.

>

> Today I am very angry against Nada for all the damages she has caused in my

young adult life because of her dictatorship in my childhood, shaping me like

someone in which you can read like in an opened book. :-(

> Today I have very little relationships, because I am so scared not to choose

them wisely and to be used or lied to or trapped.

>

>

> The other big effect in my life from Nada's Siberian Ice World has been a very

deep love missing feeling, which expressed itself in my body first when I was

not yet one year old, by rickets, which Louise Hay has classified as the

expression of " Emotional malnutrition, lack of love and security " . And which is

still inside my heart today, a kind of lack of hope of ever receiving love (this

unconditional maternal love she never gave to me, and I know I won't receive it

from anyone else).

>

> This hopeless feeling often materializes in my every day life by inerty which

I have to fight against every day.

>

>

> Hope all this could help some of you. 

> I wish most of you don't feel like I feel because for me it is a day after day

fight, I mean it is hard every day.

>

> Take all very good care of yourselves.

>

>

> Natacha