Guest guest Posted June 26, 2012 Report Share Posted June 26, 2012 check out cloudtownsend.com they deal in boundaries and give great explanations too. if your not allergic to christianity give it a go. Lou ------------------------------ >I was reading up on emotional boundaries and came across the links below. > >http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/emotional_boundaries.html > > >http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm > > >I remember a time when I would've read section of those links and thought " What on earth are the talking about? I see English words, but they're not forming a coherent sentence " . Even now, my understanding of emotional boundaries still feels fuzzy. I like to think I'm making progress, but I wish it could go faster. Does anyone have any good resources for learning how to develop firm and flexible emotional boundaries? Like a good book of situational examples comparing different boundary styles? Or therapy stiles? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2012 Report Share Posted June 26, 2012 sean one thing i should add though is that your emotional boundaries are personal. The only person who can set them is yourself. For me personally I have different boundaries for each person in my life. Lou ------------------------------ > > check out cloudtownsend.com they deal in boundaries and give great explanations too. if your not allergic to christianity give it a go. Lou > > > > >------------------------------ > > >>I was reading up on emotional boundaries and came across the links below. >> >>http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/emotional_boundaries.html >> >> >>http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm >> >> >>I remember a time when I would've read section of those links and thought " What on earth are the talking about? I see English words, but they're not forming a coherent sentence " . Even now, my understanding of emotional boundaries still feels fuzzy. I like to think I'm making progress, but I wish it could go faster. Does anyone have any good resources for learning how to develop firm and flexible emotional boundaries? Like a good book of situational examples comparing different boundary styles? Or therapy stiles? >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2012 Report Share Posted June 26, 2012 An idea to consider: ask your therapist about trying some " role playing " therapy. Its actual in-person enactment of various scenarios; it allows you to practice establishing boundaries in real time. Its like rehearsing scenes in a theatrical play and trying different ways of delivering the lines, and its kind of like improv (unrehearsed, spontaneous) theater as well. You and your therapist take turns being you. You play the role of the obnoxious person, then you run the scene again, but switch roles and play the scene as yourself. That way you can observe various ways to disengage from or be assertive with an obnoxious person (as you play the role of the obnoxious person), then you get to practice making similar assertive, self-protective statements when you play the role of yourself and your therapist is being the obnoxious person. Maybe that will resonate with you, but if not that's OK: we each must discover what will work best for us, individually. -Annie > > I was reading up on emotional boundaries and came across the links below. > > http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/emotional_boundaries.html > > > http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm > > > I remember a time when I would've read section of those links and thought " What on earth are the talking about? I see English words, but they're not forming a coherent sentence " . Even now, my understanding of emotional boundaries still feels fuzzy. I like to think I'm making progress, but I wish it could go faster. Does anyone have any good resources for learning how to develop firm and flexible emotional boundaries? Like a good book of situational examples comparing different boundary styles? Or therapy stiles? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2012 Report Share Posted June 26, 2012 Good boundaries come from knowing what is inside you and belongs to you and what is outside and does not. It isn't just a matter of not allowing yourself to be mistreated. So, I find quality time spent with myself is the single best way to improve my boundaries. The more you recognize and understand your own internal states, the better you can also recognize what you are comfortable doing or having done to you and what you aren't. I think probably most of us have a little trouble recognizing our own feelings or what is prompting them, and our feelings tell us what boundaries to set with other people or even with activities. Take care, Ashana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2012 Report Share Posted June 26, 2012 Once, I was trying to explain to my brother why I needed to limit contact with our mother (I realize now I shouldn't complain/explain). I was telling him about a time that my mother was eavesdropping on a conversation I had with an old friend at a baby shower. The friend was asking me if I was ever going to have children and I was telling her that I just didn't feel a strong desire to, and besides, I didn't have a husband anyway, so the point was moot. Later, my mother was in tears with me on the phone, accusing me of not wanting kids because I thought my childhood was bad, even though I said *nothing* about my childhood to this gal. I told him how invasive I felt her accusatory questioning was, and especially since it was based on *eavesdropping.* He got indignant and said, " She has a right to know if you are going to give her grandchildren, so of course she is asking you. " I tried to explain to him that she does not have a right to know what my feelings and thoughts are unless I want to express them to her. I was trying to tell him that *my brain* is *my brain* and it doesn't belong to her! She is not *entitled* to know the thoughts in my head! Telling him this (and him not understanding) was both making me nearly hyperventilate with panic and making me laugh at the absurdity of him thinking she is entitled to know all of my thoughts. He never got it, of course, and remembering it kind of makes me giggle because it's so ridiculous! Clearly, my brother does not understand boundaries! I am still working on it. Deanna > > Good boundaries come from knowing what is inside you and belongs to you and what is outside and does not. It isn't just a matter of not allowing yourself to be mistreated. So, I find quality time spent with myself is the single best way to improve my boundaries. The more you recognize and understand your own internal states, the better you can also recognize what you are comfortable doing or having done to you and what you aren't. I think probably most of us have a little trouble recognizing our own feelings or what is prompting them, and our feelings tell us what boundaries to set with other people or even with activities. > > Take care, > Ashana > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 26, 2012 Report Share Posted June 26, 2012 Role playing?  I didn't realize that was an actual therapy type.  It sounds pretty awesome.  It's like a hands on practice in a semi realistic yet safe environment.   ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 10:13 AM Subject: Re: Emotional Boundaries?  An idea to consider: ask your therapist about trying some " role playing " therapy. Its actual in-person enactment of various scenarios; it allows you to practice establishing boundaries in real time. Its like rehearsing scenes in a theatrical play and trying different ways of delivering the lines, and its kind of like improv (unrehearsed, spontaneous) theater as well. You and your therapist take turns being you. You play the role of the obnoxious person, then you run the scene again, but switch roles and play the scene as yourself. That way you can observe various ways to disengage from or be assertive with an obnoxious person (as you play the role of the obnoxious person), then you get to practice making similar assertive, self-protective statements when you play the role of yourself and your therapist is being the obnoxious person. Maybe that will resonate with you, but if not that's OK: we each must discover what will work best for us, individually. -Annie > > I was reading up on emotional boundaries and came across the links below. > > http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/emotional_boundaries.html > > > http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm > > > I remember a time when I would've read section of those links and thought " What on earth are the talking about?  I see English words, but they're not forming a coherent sentence " .  Even now, my understanding of emotional boundaries still feels fuzzy.  I like to think I'm making progress, but I wish it could go faster.  Does anyone have any good resources for learning how to develop firm and flexible emotional boundaries?  Like a good book of situational examples comparing different boundary styles?  Or therapy stiles? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.