The Goddess wind-up doll

June 26, 2012

I hope someone can possibly help me out. Good grief, everytime I have contact or

before I have to have contact with my Nada it sends me into a full blown PANIC!!

Like everything is on fire, bad, doom gloom, failure. I hate this so much,

because when I'm freaking out its with other people who really don't know what's

going on(I think). Then I start to think, oh lord they are gonna think I'm the

crazy person... OMG I hate it! I feel like Goddess the wind-up doll. Like my

Nada can come pull my string and there she goes spinning around knocking over

crap. Does anyone have any advice to help this?

June 26, 2012

I have some thoughts about this that might be helpful.

First, depending on how bad the panic attacks are, it might be

helpful to get some professional help, possibly including some

anti-anxiety medicine. If dealing with your nada is currently

causing so much panic that you can't get started on learning how

to deal with her in a healthy way, appropriate medication could

give you a chance to work on it.

Second, I find that I feel less anxiety when I have a plan for

dealing with my nada's possible misbehavior. If you plan for

various possible actions on her part and figure out how you'll

handle them, that may significantly reduce your panic. Part of

having a plan is to set up boundaries for yourself. Part of

setting up boundaries includes making their be consequences if

someone violates them. As you practice enforcing your

boundaries, the whole process will hopefully get easier for you.

Panic usually has its roots in fear, sometimes reasonable fear,

sometimes unreasonable fear. Most of us have good reason to feel

fear when dealing with our nadas. As you enforce your boundaries

and make plans to deal with your nada, there will be less and

less reason to fear her and thus less reason to panic. Enforcing

your boundaries will also give you more confidence which will

also hopefully lessen your fear of her.

Finally, if you're freaking out with other people who don't

understand what's going on, you might want to consider whether

you should clue any of them in about what's going on. Real

friends who care about you can be very supportive and helpful if

they understand there's something wrong. Having people who

support you can help keep you calm and steady.

At 10:36 AM 06/26/2012 brwngoddess223 wrote:

>I hope someone can possibly help me out. Good grief, everytime

>I have contact or before I have to have contact with my Nada it

>sends me into a full blown PANIC!! Like everything is on fire,

>bad, doom gloom, failure. I hate this so much, because when I'm

>freaking out its with other people who really don't know what's

>going on(I think). Then I start to think, oh lord they are

>gonna think I'm the crazy person... OMG I hate it! I feel like

>Goddess the wind-up doll. Like my Nada can come pull my string

>and there she goes spinning around knocking over crap. Does

>anyone have any advice to help this?

>

--

Katrina

June 26, 2012

For me, these kinds of reactions are memories of how I felt around nada/fada.

I've found it's helpful to not try to make the feeling go away and above all not

to speculate about what set it off or what caused it. Essentially, any kind of

cognition is a waste of time and likely to be distorted and counterproductive

because it is constrained by the narrow limits of the type of thinking nada/fada

allowed. The pre-frontal cortex is mostly shut down at these times anyway, so

it's not working at its best until I'm calm.

Instead, I do things that link me to the moment without trying to shut down the

experience of being inside the memory. I think about the colors in the room,

the way the fabric I'm wearing feels, how I'm breathing, and so on. You could

try excusing yourself and getting coffee or going to the bathroom so that you

can have a few minutes alone. It has also helped in the past to momentarily

imagine myself in a place that feels safe or in the company of someone I feel

safe with, but I no longer find this step necessary.

It seems to me like the first step is to try not to think, because the thinking

is pushing you further along the spiral of panic. Trying to suppress the

feeling of panic can be counterproductive because many times the original trauma

involved having one's feelings ignored, minimized, disregarded, raged at, or

otherwise mistreated and ignoring them again can intensify the experience of the

trauma that's being triggered.

Meditation can strengthen your ability to shift your attention away from

thoughts and that could be useful at times like these.

Good luck!

Ashana

June 26, 2012

Here are other possible strategies to consider:

Always screen your calls: don't just automatically pick up the phone until you

know who it is and you know whether its a good time to speak with that person or

not. It does not make you a bad person or a bad daughter to monitor calls: its

OK to wait until you can see who is calling and you feel OK about speaking with

that person.

Establish a schedule with your nada RE phone calls; you decide when you will

call and for how long calls will last. That puts the " power " ball in your

court, so to speak. If you choose to initiate the calls, then you can block

nada's number so that she can't contact you outside of the scheduled time (aka,

it prevents nada from being able to " ambush " you.)

If at all possible, when its time to make a scheduled call to your nada, put the

call on speaker phone *and have a friend there with you.* It can be very

comforting to have a sympathetic, supportive witness right there who can

corroborate if your nada is attempting to verbally abuse you, intimidate you,

manipulate you, guilt you or shame you. My nada always behaved much, MUCH

better when other people were around (until the senile dementia set in.)

I hope that helps.

-Annie

>

> I hope someone can possibly help me out. Good grief, everytime I have contact

or before I have to have contact with my Nada it sends me into a full blown

PANIC!! Like everything is on fire, bad, doom gloom, failure. I hate this so

much, because when I'm freaking out its with other people who really don't know

what's going on(I think). Then I start to think, oh lord they are gonna think

I'm the crazy person... OMG I hate it! I feel like Goddess the wind-up doll.

Like my Nada can come pull my string and there she goes spinning around knocking

over crap. Does anyone have any advice to help this?

>

June 29, 2012

Hello all! The panic attacks are really bad!! I was on meds for them but they

made me gain 70lbs and I cared less about the important things in my life...

Smh!! So I stopped taking them.... But that is good advice though... About

screening my calls and making sure I have a support system there with me. My

older sister is having a baby shower... Might as well call my sister a Sara!!

Lol and her bully crew my Nada and her flip mode squad... I don't even feel like

the fight today. And its really no fight, I never did anything to them. My Nada

called me earlier this week yelling about how I ruined her life and how I'm

basically the spawn of Satan!! (I haven't been home in 14yrs!!!) And when I was

home I was the problem then too! And I was a child... I was 17, LOL... When she

was yelling on the phone, I just continued to ask her well what did I do to make

you hate me. And she just continued to yell. And talk nonsense. And then she

hung up... So I really don't have the energy to deal with that today.. At all...

So I have the family allowance feature on my phone so I'm about to block both my

Sada and my Nada today. And the party is at my apartment complex so I'm gonna

just hang out somewhere today... They both need some medication and some

straight jackets.

June 29, 2012

It sounds like you are taking steps to make yourself less vulnerable to your

nada's abusive verbal attacks by phone, that's great! Brava! Making these

radical changes doesn't happen overnight, but doing these self-protective things

every day and making yourself less and less available to your nada as an

emotional punching bag will gain you a lot of peace and the freedom to heal.

I hope you will begin discovering interests and making friends outside of your

family of origin (or " foo " ) so that you will spend less and less time even

thinking about your nada and bpd sister/sada. The more outside interests you

have to think about and do, the more time you spend on activities and thoughts

that enrich your mind/soul and on friendships that nurture you, the less time

you will have to even wonder what your toxic foo is up to.

-Annie

>

> Hello all! The panic attacks are really bad!! I was on meds for them but they