Guest guest Posted June 28, 2012 Report Share Posted June 28, 2012 I am watching an old episode of Oprah via the On Demand service thru my cable company. I found it by searching the TV networks. When I looked under the OWN network under Oprah Winefry shows. The last ten minutes of the episode is about a woman confronting her toxic mother. It is interesting episode. I just thought it was interesting. C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2012 Report Share Posted July 1, 2012 Was Oprah telling her to confront the woman or was it her actually confronting? I wonder how that turned out? I have always found confrontation with my nada nothing more that maddening, disappointing and frustrating. All she ever did was turn it around on me. > > I am watching an old episode of Oprah via the On Demand service thru my cable company. I found it by searching the TV networks. When I looked under the OWN network under Oprah Winefry shows. > > The last ten minutes of the episode is about a woman confronting her toxic mother. It is interesting episode. I just thought it was interesting. C > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 1, 2012 Report Share Posted July 1, 2012 Over the years that I've been in this online support Group and various other support Groups for the adult children of personality-disordered parents, it seems that " The Confrontation " usually turns out to be exactly as you described: a re-traumatizing and pointless waste of time. The pd parent usually feels attacked by honest efforts at conflict resolution, cannot or will not accept any personal blame for her own negative behaviors or words, feels justified and entitled to think, act, and speak as she sees fit, and will instead " attack back " , or project all the blame for all the problems within the relationship onto the child/adult child (or whoever it is that wishes to discuss an issue with her.) Of course there are exceptions, which are probably the individuals who are only very, very mildly affected by bpd: those who are able to accept personal responsibility and have rational, adult-level dialogues with others and reach some kind of mutually agreeable understanding. But those seem to be very rare. Such mildly-affected, sub-clinical individuals may be amenable to conflict-resolution techniques such as having their feelings validated (defusing techniques described in " The Essential Family Guide to BPD " and other books about borderline pd) but at least in my own nada's case, when she had painted me all-black and was working herself up into a fit of anger, nothing I could say would penetrate through her paranoia, her fixed delusional thinking or her blind white-hot rage. It was like trying to engage in a dialogue with an erupting volcano; all I could do was head for the nearest exit (as an adult) or just freeze in place (as a child.) Trying to reason with my nada was triggering to her: it would only enrage her further and cause her to begin lashing out physically. My dad would usually just leave the house when nada started in on him; it didn't dawn on me that I could do that too, until I was in my late 40's (I was a slow learner, I guess.) Perhaps what's happening is that those of us who find our way here to this support Group (and other online support Groups) are the ones whose parents are more severely affected by bpd. -Annie > > Was Oprah telling her to confront the woman or was it her actually confronting? I wonder how that turned out? I have always found confrontation with my nada nothing more that maddening, disappointing and frustrating. All she ever did was turn it around on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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