Mothers with BPD

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Annie! You say your mother was diagnosed two times with BPD.

What was the treatment, if any? What worked, if anything?

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

In my nada's case, nothing worked. My nada passed away a few months ago, still

firmly convinced that there was nothing wrong with her and that other people

were the cause of all her problems.

She was diagnosed the first time sort of by accident. Nada had decided that dad

needed some " fixing. " She dragged dad with her to a marriage/couple's therapist

in order for the therapist to " straighten your father out about a few things. "

At the end of the first and only session, the therapist (apparently) suggested

that nada would benefit greatly if she would go in for some individual therapy

for borderline pd. According to my Sister, who was still living with our

parents at the time, dad and nada returned from that meeting with nada having a

complete rage-tantrum meltdown, and nada continued to rage for the rest of the

day, screaming that the therapist was an idiot and didn't know what he was

talking about.

The second time my nada was diagnosed was fairly recently, about 4 years before

her death, by a psychologist who had previously been treating my Sister. Nada

went into therapy only because Sister and I had given our nada an ultimatum. We

both had gone No Contact with nada as a last resort because nada's belligerent,

caustic behaviors had gotten worse. Sister and I told our nada that if she went

into therapy that we would consider resuming contact with her.

(Note: my nada lived near my Sister, who was acting as nada's part-time

care-giver at the time. I live on the opposite coast .)

At first, Sister reported that nada did seem to have some kind of epiphany of

insight and nada demonstrated it by treating Sister better. But this change was

just surface appearance, it would seem. After only a short time of treating

Sister with common courtesy and politeness, nada was triggered into a really

spectacular, volcanic screaming rage at Sister when Sister was a little late

picking nada up for some appointment or other. Nada shrieked verbal abuse at

Sister, and screamed that there was nothing wrong with her (with herself, nada),

that she didn't need therapy, that Sister and I had told ugly lies about her,

that she had always been the perfect mother to us, that we were hateful and mean

and she had only gone into therapy to learn how to " deal with " us.

I've heard that those who have children that demonstrate the traits and

behaviors of bpd have seen some behavioral improvement when they can get their

child or teen into a dialectical behavioral therapy program. I think that

younger people, and adults who are only VERY mildly affected by bpd are able to

benefit from therapy. But those like my mother who were moderately to severely

bpd and who had been indulged and catered to for their whole life, are less

likely to benefit from therapy.

My nada's final diagnosis was senile dementia. She had begun hallucinating,

wandering around at night, and had become belligerent with the police. It was

as though her borderline pd was on steroids: she was being hostile and violent

with other people, treating them the way she treated Sister and me in private,

plus she was no longer connected with reality and had become a danger to herself

and to others. But she died still believing that there was nothing wrong with

her and that other people were out to get her; still unable to accept personal

responsibility for her own words and actions.

Bottom line: if you don't feel any need to change, then therapy won't work.

-Annie

>

> Thank you, Annie! You say your mother was diagnosed two times with BPD.

> What was the treatment, if any? What worked, if anything?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,

Thanks for sharing this part about your life. My mom is 60 now but

much older than year years. I really appreciated the last paragraph

about your nada as this is what is starting to happen to my nada.

Several years ago her doctors told me it was the beginning of dementia

after I reported a particuarly vicious rage. Anyhow, THANKS to the

group for all I'm learning and help in reflection about my childhood

situations, and thanks for the glimpses into my current devloping

situations.