Making connections and my parenting

[Guest guest]

Hi

I've been a busy little bee. I have been researching my issues and reflecting on

my Nada, Grand nada and enabling father. However when I was filling in my

therapist he said good you have great intellectual understanding but are you

really reflecting on yourself? I find it hard. I've realised I'm not in denial

anymore about my childhood and what happened and I've found through researching

that I am definately not the only one out there...However I don't know how to

make it about me. All I can think is how their actions affected me. Have they

screwed me up so much so that I can't tell the difference to where I end and

they begin? Probably.

The only thing that does make me " feel " is when I see my children especially my

eldest misbehaving, the first thing I do is think how can I parent being me and

not Nada? It makes me feel sick that I can't eat properly. I have enrolled for

parenting classes and I am very conscious of what I say to my eldest child and

it is exhausting. I am determined though not to be like Nada. I just want to be

a positive mother in the sense of the word.

Does anyone else have the same issues?

[Guest guest]

Hi Archbold,

Yes, I think many of us have the same issues which is why many of us never had

children. I was too afraid of even the idea of childhood and vulnerability and

caring vs. abuse to even hold that concept. So you are doing a great thing by

taking parenting classes and learning how to parent better. I also think as you

explore yourself thru therapy more you will start to feel more. AT least that is

the case with me.

I think there is a difference between rumination and reflecting on the past once

you have the prism of this new awareness, which is super helpful for a time, and

turning that awareness on with your day to day interactions. I think that is

where you will find yourself. In your response to life. You're searching for

one part, how to be a better parent, because you know that you have not been

given all the skills you need to do a proper job. Life goes on and other things

will come up and you will learn to turn your awareness to yourself and your

feelings as you begin to respond better to the vagaries of life.

That's what I'm banking on at least.

SR

[Guest guest]

Hi Jaleo,

Thank you for your words

Regards Lou

------------------------------

>Hi Archbold,

>

>Yes, I think many of us have the same issues which is why many of us never had

children. I was too afraid of even the idea of childhood and vulnerability and

caring vs. abuse to even hold that concept. So you are doing a great thing by

taking parenting classes and learning how to parent better. I also think as you

explore yourself thru therapy more you will start to feel more. AT least that is

the case with me.

>

>I think there is a difference between rumination and reflecting on the past

once you have the prism of this new awareness, which is super helpful for a

time, and turning that awareness on with your day to day interactions. I think

that is where you will find yourself. In your response to life. You're

searching for one part, how to be a better parent, because you know that you

have not been given all the skills you need to do a proper job. Life goes on

and other things will come up and you will learn to turn your awareness to

yourself and your feelings as you begin to respond better to the vagaries of

life.

>

>That's what I'm banking on at least.

>

>SR