Re: Introducing the Boyfriend...

[Guest guest]

I too have had trouble with my mother regarding my relationship

I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now and he manages

(somehow) to be very understanding about my strained relationship with my

mother.

Intitially she was quite supportive of me, but i think she was hoping that it

would be more of a fling than anything long-term, and now that she's realised

that isn't happening she's trying to go out of her way to belittle me and the

relationship, once embarrasing me in front of the neighbours by declaring that

me and my boyfriend believe we are 'love's young dream' in a really nasty tone

(this was news to me haha, we've never claimed anything of the sort).

The more time i spend with him, the more difficult she becomes (as she can't

stand being alone and seems to view me spending a few hours of an evening round

at his as some kind of personal rejection, so the more time i want to spend out

because the confrontation is so wearing; it's a vicious circle really. She

claims that he is a 'know all', tries to find things to complain about him, says

that all i need in my life is him and that i've made it clear that i hate her.

It's become extremely difficult as i used to try to stay in with her sometimes

to avoid arguments and my boyfriend would come round to mine but now she's

decided she doesn't want him round here because she is 'very depressed' and my

boyfriend also doesn't want to see my mother as he feels he won't be able to

resist confronting her and he knows this would make things worse for me.

My friends tell me i should just move out, as i am 21, but it's extremely

difficult as i am an only child and she has relied on me heavily in the past for

support, it's only really within the last 4-5 years she has turned on me and

blames me for everything, but i still feel some kind of strange loyalty towards

her even though i simultaneously can't stand her! i also don't have what could

be called a stable income yet to find my own place, although i pay my way at

home.

I'd also recommend that you wait until you have established a serious

relationship before involving your parents, as i know only too well how much

strain BPD parents can put on a relationship, plus they are likely to take your

relationship more seriously that way. the whole separating yourself from them

advice is good too, i've been trying to do this for some time now, and while it

is difficult and sometimes seems to make life more difficult, i can also cope

with her relentless criticisms of me much better due to the fact that i've

managed to detach myself more from the situation. The fact that they live a

while away from you will probably also help the situation.

Good luck!!

> >

> > I have been dating a guy for about a month now. I have kept it from my

parents this whole time because I knew they would just grill and interrogate me

about him for hours on end. And, sadly, since I haven't separated myself enough

from them, I know that they could very easily brainwash me into breaking up with

him prematurely.

> >

> > But...this isn't something I want to keep from them forever, as it's an

important part of my life. I've developed the relationship with my boyfriend

enough so that their comments won't penetrate AS deep (though they still might

have an effect).

> >

> > SO - -does anyone have tips and/or past experience in telling the nada or

fada about a new significant other? I live a few hundred miles away from

parents, so I don't know when they may meet him in person. But, I can just

imagine that one of the biggest nightmares of a bpd parent is their child loving

someone else more than them. I'm having a great time with this new guy and the

last thing I want is more anxiety from home, from nada and fada telling me how

he's " not good for me " in some way or another...

> >

> > Any tips would be really appreciated. Thanks all, and Happy New Year!

> >

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