Uh! I got enraged towards my BPD.

[Guest guest]

Some of you may remember my story.

My BPD-Waif/Witch mom kicked my adopted teen brother out after he injured her 6

wks ago during their argument. It was the 1st time he'd injured anyone in the

family. My brother asked to move back in again after 2 weeks. My parents agreed,

under the condition he start counseling & NEVER hurt anyone in the family again.

I remained quite calm about the situation. After all my mom totally provokes

the kids & my brother is very emotionally immature. Plus my brother picked up my

mom's BPD behaviors. I knew my parents would never enforce the counseling piece,

but I was hopeful it would somehow work out. Such a stupid thought....

Yesterday my brother assaulted my mother again during a blowout. My mom told me

today (I live 1,000 miles away). And I became infuriated. Why?

- My much younger siblings still live with my parents. It's caused them a great

deal of stress (which of course my mom & dad don't deal with). So I have to

watch my siblings (from afar) suffer through the drama. The kids have witnessed

my brother's assaults on my mom! And then he just goes back to his room. What

is WRONG with this picture!!

- My parents' damn passiveness with raising my brother. I found out he's been

destroying stuff out of anger for years whenever he's confronted. So my mom

said, " we just don't confront him. " AWFUL.

- And on behalf of my brother. The poor kid.... To have such a difficult past,

only to be adopted by a BPD! He has such a tough, tough road ahead of him.

So I couldn't handle it. I went off on my mom. I just told her everything I was

thinking (above), except the last point. My mom said they told him THIS was the

last time, or he's kicked out. Out of fury I said, " you better. " And she hung

up on me.

I felt like I was disrespectful, so I texted her an apology & said, " I can only

imagine how difficult this whole thing must be as his parents. " Validating her

emotions without apologizing for my beliefs.

But I think the power underneath my anger was it triggered my stuff. I wish I

would've stayed out of it. Continued to just be on the outside looking into the

glass bowl my family lives in. It's hard to interact with my family without

getting sucked into the drama. It's such a mess.

I don't know what to do.... Should I just need to stay out of the family

business, so the triggering doesn't have power over me? What do you guys think?

It's just tough when the drama involves my younger siblings. I'm not close to

my brother at all (none of my siblings actually). None of us really feel

comfortable being close to each other.

Thanks

[Guest guest]

I think the thing to ask yourself here is what you can possibly

accomplish by getting involved in this. You don't live close

enough to physically intervene in the situation. If you're not

close to your brother it seems unlikely that you can talk him

into getting the help he needs to deal with his anger. It also

seems unlikely that you're going to convince your parents to

change their parenting techniques and become better parents. So

what do you think you can do by getting involved? If you have a

good answer to that question, then maybe it is worth getting

involved. If you don't have any good answer to that, it is

probably best to stay out of it, or to get involved less

directly. If your siblings are still underage, reporting the

situation to the local child protective services might get them

some help, particularly if your angry brother is a danger to the

rest of them.

At 01:52 AM 07/07/2012 peacefulwarriorwoman wrote:

>Some of you may remember my story.

>

>My BPD-Waif/Witch mom kicked my adopted teen brother out after

>he injured her 6 wks ago during their argument. It was the 1st

>time he'd injured anyone in the family. My brother asked to

>move back in again after 2 weeks. My parents agreed, under the

>condition he start counseling & NEVER hurt anyone in the family

>again.

>

>I remained quite calm about the situation. After all my mom

>totally provokes the kids & my brother is very emotionally

>immature. Plus my brother picked up my mom's BPD behaviors. I

>knew my parents would never enforce the counseling piece, but I

>was hopeful it would somehow work out. Such a stupid

>thought....

>

>Yesterday my brother assaulted my mother again during a

>blowout. My mom told me today (I live 1,000 miles away). And

>I became infuriated. Why?

>

>- My much younger siblings still live with my parents. It's

>caused them a great deal of stress (which of course my mom &

>dad don't deal with). So I have to watch my siblings (from

>afar) suffer through the drama. The kids have witnessed my

>brother's assaults on my mom! And then he just goes back to his

>room. What is WRONG with this picture!!

>

>- My parents' damn passiveness with raising my brother. I

>found out he's been destroying stuff out of anger for years

>whenever he's confronted. So my mom said, " we just don't

>confront him. " AWFUL.

>

>- And on behalf of my brother. The poor kid.... To have such

>a difficult past, only to be adopted by a BPD! He has such a

>tough, tough road ahead of him.

>

>

>So I couldn't handle it. I went off on my mom. I just told her

>everything I was thinking (above), except the last point. My

>mom said they told him THIS was the last time, or he's kicked

>out. Out of fury I said, " you better. " And she hung up on me.

>

>I felt like I was disrespectful, so I texted her an apology &

>said, " I can only imagine how difficult this whole thing must

>be as his parents. " Validating her emotions without apologizing

>for my beliefs.

>

>But I think the power underneath my anger was it triggered my

>stuff. I wish I would've stayed out of it. Continued to just

>be on the outside looking into the glass bowl my family lives

>in. It's hard to interact with my family without getting sucked

>into the drama. It's such a mess.

>

>I don't know what to do.... Should I just need to stay out of

>the family business, so the triggering doesn't have power over

>me? What do you guys think?

>

>It's just tough when the drama involves my younger

>siblings. I'm not close to my brother at all (none of my

>siblings actually). None of us really feel comfortable being

>close to each other.

>

>Thanks

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Thanks Katrina,

You are right. I needed someone to remind me I have to keep a distance.

It's so tough staying out of things when there are children involved. I

want to save them.

My brother would never abuse my siblings because they don't provoke him

like my mom does.

Maybe someday I'll have a family, but at least I have myself. And I have

several quality, extraordinary friends in my life.

Thanks.

> **

>

>

> I think the thing to ask yourself here is what you can possibly

> accomplish by getting involved in this. You don't live close

> enough to physically intervene in the situation. If you're not

> close to your brother it seems unlikely that you can talk him

> into getting the help he needs to deal with his anger. It also

> seems unlikely that you're going to convince your parents to

> change their parenting techniques and become better parents. So

> what do you think you can do by getting involved? If you have a

> good answer to that question, then maybe it is worth getting

> involved. If you don't have any good answer to that, it is

> probably best to stay out of it, or to get involved less

> directly. If your siblings are still underage, reporting the

> situation to the local child protective services might get them

> some help, particularly if your angry brother is a danger to the

> rest of them.

>

> At 01:52 AM 07/07/2012 peacefulwarriorwoman wrote:

> >Some of you may remember my story.

> >

> >My BPD-Waif/Witch mom kicked my adopted teen brother out after

> >he injured her 6 wks ago during their argument. It was the 1st

> >time he'd injured anyone in the family. My brother asked to

> >move back in again after 2 weeks. My parents agreed, under the

> >condition he start counseling & NEVER hurt anyone in the family

> >again.

> >

> >I remained quite calm about the situation. After all my mom

> >totally provokes the kids & my brother is very emotionally

> >immature. Plus my brother picked up my mom's BPD behaviors. I

> >knew my parents would never enforce the counseling piece, but I

> >was hopeful it would somehow work out. Such a stupid

> >thought....

> >

> >Yesterday my brother assaulted my mother again during a

> >blowout. My mom told me today (I live 1,000 miles away). And

> >I became infuriated. Why?

> >

> >- My much younger siblings still live with my parents. It's

> >caused them a great deal of stress (which of course my mom &

> >dad don't deal with). So I have to watch my siblings (from

> >afar) suffer through the drama. The kids have witnessed my

> >brother's assaults on my mom! And then he just goes back to his

> >room. What is WRONG with this picture!!

> >

> >- My parents' damn passiveness with raising my brother. I

> >found out he's been destroying stuff out of anger for years

> >whenever he's confronted. So my mom said, " we just don't

> >confront him. " AWFUL.

> >

> >- And on behalf of my brother. The poor kid.... To have such

> >a difficult past, only to be adopted by a BPD! He has such a

> >tough, tough road ahead of him.

> >

> >

> >So I couldn't handle it. I went off on my mom. I just told her

> >everything I was thinking (above), except the last point. My

> >mom said they told him THIS was the last time, or he's kicked

> >out. Out of fury I said, " you better. " And she hung up on me.

> >

> >I felt like I was disrespectful, so I texted her an apology &

> >said, " I can only imagine how difficult this whole thing must

> >be as his parents. " Validating her emotions without apologizing

> >for my beliefs.

> >

> >But I think the power underneath my anger was it triggered my

> >stuff. I wish I would've stayed out of it. Continued to just

> >be on the outside looking into the glass bowl my family lives

> >in. It's hard to interact with my family without getting sucked

> >into the drama. It's such a mess.

> >

> >I don't know what to do.... Should I just need to stay out of

> >the family business, so the triggering doesn't have power over

> >me? What do you guys think?

> >

> >It's just tough when the drama involves my younger

> >siblings. I'm not close to my brother at all (none of my

> >siblings actually). None of us really feel comfortable being

> >close to each other.

> >

> >Thanks

>

> --

> Katrina

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You don't say how old your brother is or how long you've been out of your

parents' house, but I do know that your parents probably worked at separating

you kids so that none of you are close. It's commonly done partly to allow the

insanity to continue (and partly to keep THEM as the focus of all attention).

I know I would have a hard time staying quiet if I were in your situation,

especially knowing that a parent is BPD. When I was in a similar situation, long

before I knew the label or understood any of it except that it was all abuse-

I did blow the whistle. I notified child protective services, in writing, with

very specific examples. They investigated, contacted me, investigated some more,

and put the N's on notice. Then I went NC for 10 years.

For me, taking action towards protecting the younger kids helped heal something

inside of me- the place where No One ever protected me. It also felt like the

right thing to do as an adult living a sane life. (There is lots of research

that shows the effects of witnessing abuse are worse than actually being the

physical victim of it.)

Not saying you should-- just sharing my experience.

> > >Some of you may remember my story.

> > >

> > >My BPD-Waif/Witch mom kicked my adopted teen brother out after

> > >he injured her 6 wks ago during their argument. It was the 1st

> > >time he'd injured anyone in the family. My brother asked to

> > >move back in again after 2 weeks. My parents agreed, under the

> > >condition he start counseling & NEVER hurt anyone in the family

> > >again.

> > >

> > >I remained quite calm about the situation. After all my mom

> > >totally provokes the kids & my brother is very emotionally

> > >immature. Plus my brother picked up my mom's BPD behaviors. I

> > >knew my parents would never enforce the counseling piece, but I

> > >was hopeful it would somehow work out. Such a stupid

> > >thought....

> > >

> > >Yesterday my brother assaulted my mother again during a

> > >blowout. My mom told me today (I live 1,000 miles away). And

> > >I became infuriated. Why?

> > >

> > >- My much younger siblings still live with my parents. It's

> > >caused them a great deal of stress (which of course my mom &

> > >dad don't deal with). So I have to watch my siblings (from

> > >afar) suffer through the drama. The kids have witnessed my

> > >brother's assaults on my mom! And then he just goes back to his

> > >room. What is WRONG with this picture!!

> > >

> > >- My parents' damn passiveness with raising my brother. I

> > >found out he's been destroying stuff out of anger for years

> > >whenever he's confronted. So my mom said, " we just don't

> > >confront him. " AWFUL.

> > >

> > >- And on behalf of my brother. The poor kid.... To have such

> > >a difficult past, only to be adopted by a BPD! He has such a

> > >tough, tough road ahead of him.

> > >

> > >

> > >So I couldn't handle it. I went off on my mom. I just told her

> > >everything I was thinking (above), except the last point. My

> > >mom said they told him THIS was the last time, or he's kicked

> > >out. Out of fury I said, " you better. " And she hung up on me.

> > >

> > >I felt like I was disrespectful, so I texted her an apology &

> > >said, " I can only imagine how difficult this whole thing must

> > >be as his parents. " Validating her emotions without apologizing

> > >for my beliefs.

> > >

> > >But I think the power underneath my anger was it triggered my

> > >stuff. I wish I would've stayed out of it. Continued to just

> > >be on the outside looking into the glass bowl my family lives

> > >in. It's hard to interact with my family without getting sucked

> > >into the drama. It's such a mess.

> > >

> > >I don't know what to do.... Should I just need to stay out of

> > >the family business, so the triggering doesn't have power over

> > >me? What do you guys think?

> > >

> > >It's just tough when the drama involves my younger

> > >siblings. I'm not close to my brother at all (none of my

> > >siblings actually). None of us really feel comfortable being

> > >close to each other.

> > >

> > >Thanks

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>