Re: New to this group/ Welcome MB

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the Group, MB. This is a great Group, I hope you will find much

validation, peace and healing here. Having a parent with borderline pd makes it

pretty difficult to reach adulthood without some kind of emotional damage or

other, to one degree or another.

The type and degree of damage varies because borderline pd manifests in

different ways with different individuals, and because the parent/child

relationship dynamics vary.

Some children of bpd mothers are " parentified " or " spousified " by their bpd

mother: made to feel like its the child's responsibility to care for and

nurture their bpd mother, manage her feelings for her, provide for her

financially, etc.

Some KOs (adult Kids Of bpd parents) are " infantilized " , or never allowed to

mature into a responsible, self-supporting adult.

Some KOs were not wanted by their bpd mother or father, and experience

rejection, being blamed for everything that's wrong in the bpd mother's life,

and are subjected to outright hostility.

Some children are " objectified " by their bpd mother, treated as though they are

simply possessions that have no needs or feelings or their own, while other

children are viewed by their bpd mother as her reflection or her appendage: the

child IS the bpd mother, which demonstrates the bpd person's lack of boundaries.

Some KOs experience " Jekyll and Hyde " behaviors from their bpd mother, who is

alternately too domineering and intrusive in expressing " love " , then raging,

violent and terrifying.

I had that " Jekyll and Hyde " type, also known as a " Queen/Witch " . If you read

" Understanding The Borderline Mother " , the author Lawson describes

four basic sub-types of borderline pd mother (the Queen, The Witch, the Hermit,

and the Waif), describes the types of men they marry, and the effect the

behaviors of the sub-types have on the children. (Also, some of us use the

term " nada " to refer to our mother who has bpd, its just shorthand for " mother

with bpd. " ) I highly recommend that book, it was a huge eye-opener for me and

changed my whole perception of what had happened to me RE my relationship with

my parents in childhood which had impacted me into the (then) present time.

The psychological damage I acquired made me unable to trust and bond with other

people, particularly in the love department. I've never had a long-term adult

relationship with anyone, and until middle age I was pretty socially isolated /

had avoidant pd traits. But, I was encouraged and supported by my bpd mother

and by dad to have a successful career in a field in which I showed an early

interest and talent. That has been the main source of joy in my life is my

ability to earn a living doing the thing I love best. So, having a Queen/Witch

bpd mother and an enabling, dishrag dad didn't totally destroy me; at least I

have my career. And I'm more sociable as a middle-aged adult than I ever was as

a young person.

Again, welcome to the Group. I hope having other KOs to talk to will be very

supportive and validating for you as you find your own path to peace and

healing.

-Annie

>

> Hello everyone

>

> I'm a newbie - just logged on now after buying the book " Stop walking on

eggshells " - and an adult survivor of a woman who has never been diagnosed with

BPD or NPD, but I am under no illusions whatsoever that she is a

high-functioning BPD. Reading all your stories here I have also been having a

lot of problems at work and with relationships. I would also like to hear about

anyone who has survived a childhood with a BPD parent and had a successful

career?

>

> MB