Guest guest Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in laws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 I also found out my Mom has BPD this year and it's been a very difficult thing for me to realize and live with. What you say about your Mom pushing people out of her life, including you, I also see that happening in my relationship. And it is for small infractions that I didn't commit or that are so small that for normal people it wouldn't be a problem. It's very hard to deal with BP Mom's because you never know what to expect or how to deal with a certain situation. I also feel very Angry towards her as well and am trying to deal with it by seeing a therapist. I've been seeing a therapist for a year now and have gotten better, and realized a lot about myself and my Mom, but it's still a difficult path. Stay with your therapy and keep working on yourself. Best of Luck. I understand what you're going through! > > Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in laws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2012 Report Share Posted July 11, 2012 Howdy, jtadcock, You've found the right place - a lot of us KO's as we call ourselves, (kids of, if you haven't read the lingo yet) were around your age when we came to realize that our mothers and in some cases fathers are borderline. You'll read many validating stories here and there are so many people who can offer support. I think I may have lost my own mind without this group! Em > Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in la ws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 I am new to this forum as well, but not new to BPD. I have a stepdaughter that suffers from it so have been researching it for about a year. After looking at the BPD material, and listening to others, I started to think that my deceased mother suffered from this. She was an alcoholic and rage-aholic. So I am here trying to figure out if my whole life has been affected by Borderline issues. Seems that one dot connected to another dot..... > > > Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in la ws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Welcome to the Group JT, You've found a bunch of people who can truly understand what you are experiencing; we've been there and are or were dealing with these behaviors in a parent also. I'm not a psychologist, but the paranoia, the non-stop criticism/complaining and arguing you describe in your mother can all be aspects of borderline pd and are very difficult to be around. You have already started doing some very healthy things for yourself: (a) seeing a therapist, ( educating yourself about the Cluster B personality disorders, and © beginning to set healthy boundaries for yourself. A crucial part of setting boundaries is realizing and accepting that you are not responsible for managing your mother's *feelings* for her; that's not your job. Another crucial part of setting boundaries is accepting that its not possible for you to change the way your mother thinks or behaves: the boundaries are for *you*. They are just " rules " determining how YOU will respond to your mother's inappropriate behavior from now on. Its not your job to make sure that your mother is happy and entertained. You have the right to have your own joyful, independent adult life with your own husband and children, you are not your mother's mommy. Your mother is an adult and she has the power and ability to seek therapy for herself if she isn't happy, its NOT your job to be her therapist or her chief form of entertainment or her liaison with the outside world. It would appear from the number of members here who post about it, that those with the " Waif " or " Hermit " sub-type of borderline pd tend to " parentify " their own child in a complete role reversal: the bpd mother saddles her child with inappropriate, misplaced feelings of guilt and responsibility toward the bpd mother's emotional care and nurturing, and that's frankly narcissistic and abusive. Bpd mother perceives her child as a possession/servant, or as an object with no feelings or needs of its own, or as a substitute spouse, bff, or therapist, or as an extension or appendage as though there is no " I " and " you " , only " us. " In such cases the bpd parent is operating at the emotional level of a pre-verbal infant, which means you are " mommy " and exist only to serve the infant's needs (from the infant's point of view.) While this is a normal stage of development in an infant its a very unhealthy, highly narcissistic and even parasitic way of thinking/behaving in an adult. A book that really opened my eyes and changed my perspective about my relationship with my bpd mother (or " nada " , short for mother with bpd) is the book " Understanding The Borderline Mother. " It was a difficult read for me because of its intense emotional impact, but, it packs a lot of information that felt uncannily personal and relevant to me. " Stop Walking On Eggshells " and " Toxic Parents " and " Boundaries " are I believe all on the extensive reading list at the home site of this Group. Its all good; knowledge is power. Anyway, welcome to the Group. I hope you will find a lot of validation and emotional support here on your road to peace and healing. -Annie > > Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in laws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Welcome, JTADCOCK. I have found the community to be supportive and informative. Many times someone else will post a message that either affirms what I have been through, am going through or gives voice to what is to come. I have found this community to be a safe place to share my feelings, and to felt understood. Which as an adult with a parent who has BPD has not always been the case. Wishing you Peace and Joy as you continue you on your journey! MyReality67 > > > > > Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in la ws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Hi, as others have said you have found the right place. This website has helped me more than I can ever express. And it's OK to " lurk " if you need to. =) We all just give what we can. I used to be on this site daily, then nada died and I didn't need it as much. 2 years later I am back as I am noticing some ugly " fleas " (traits of nada's that have rubbed off on me) popping up. Ugh. But it's nice to come back to this forum where I can just say what I want and know that the people here " get it " . To non-KO's I feel it seems far fetched and ridiculous because it's all so screwed up. > > Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in laws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Thank you all for your kind words and support. As I realize that she will probably never seek help, I recognize that I have to do just what all of you have said -- change the way I respond to her. I am not responsible for making her happy. Someone touched on the inappropriate role reversal in this situation, and that could not be more true. On many occasions she has referred to herself as my daughter, which I find extremely disturbing. I have so much more I'd like to say, but I'll try not to be overzealous with the newness of all of this. Just again, I can't thank you all enough! My husband and son have been very supportive through this discovery, but it's not the same as being amongst those who are dealing with the exact same thing! It's going to be a tough road, but it's well worth it to get my life back while at the same time HOPEFULLY helping my mom somewhat by no longer being an " enabler. " > > > > Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in laws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Good evening, I just found this site and haven't posted anything yet...so my first post is on your first post It seems like a great community where people can understand. My mom has BPD as well. > > Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in laws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 Dear J. I hear ya loud and clear and I've felt it both emotionally and physically. I sympathise with u and wish you the best. Please be compassionate to yourself first and then with good boundaries you can be compassionate for her. For me she lives in my home and since Ive started treating her as a tenant she leaves me be most of the time. But Im always waiting for the rage seething underneath ------------------------------ >Good Evening, I am new to this group and didn't want to just " lurk " without sharing a little. I am 46 years old and just discovered within the past 3 weeks or so that my mom has BPD. I had never even heard of it, although not new to the idea that she has emotional problems. A little background: she is now a widow (married three times previously, my only brother passed away in 2000 (another story), she has severe scoliosis and other back issues. She does have a living sister and her mom (who is 90). I am truly the only one around to care for her. She can't drive, so I take her to where she needs to go. She doesn't have any friends, she's pushed everyone out of her life., slowly working on me and my friends. I have always known something wasn't right with her, but didn't know what the situation was. I finally went to see a therapist because it got to where Mom was arguing with me ALL the time, was always complaining that my husband didn't like her, my in laws didn't like her, she didn't trust any of her doctors, she would say things like " I'm your mother, I'm your biggest fan. I would NEVER say anything to hurt you, " right after ripping me to shreds for some perceived infraction which I didn't commit. I kept asking people who were witness to some of these arguments " what am I doing to trigger her? I am not communicating properly with her and am setting her off. " Everyone told me I was doing nothing, she was just being very disrespectful and ungrateful. I always made excuses for her, she's had a hard childhood; she had several bad marriages; she lost her son. She's got scoliosis. Finally, after a week of absolute nonstop beratement I went to see a therapist who tried to narrow it down to being an adult child of an alcoholic. That was enlightening itn itself and I started working on setting boundaries. But then, long story short, I came across BPD and all of a sudden, all of the injustices of everything over the last 46 years as I recalled came to light. I have been reading on it ever since and written so many examples for each of the 9 criteria. If nothing else, I feel vindicated. But now, the anger is setting in about the years of manipulation and brainwashing, albeit subconscious I guess. I am still in shock and am just soaking everyone's situation in. Thank you all for sharing and helping me to put things in perspective. I will continue to read, to try and help me recover and find the best way to help me help my mother, while keeping myself sane for my family as I am married with a 20 year old son who has suffered at the emotional hands of my mother. I am looking forward to this journey of self-help, and for once I feel maybe there's hope... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 Welcome to the Group, Koala, to you and all the new members. -Annie > > Good evening, I just found this site and haven't posted anything yet...so my first post is on your first post It seems like a great community where people can understand. My mom has BPD as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 Thank you Annie...it's nice to have somewhere to start this journey - > > > > Good evening, I just found this site and haven't posted anything yet...so my first post is on your first post It seems like a great community where people can understand. My mom has BPD as well. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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